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Another toxic friend.

(7 Posts)
mrsnec Mon 10-Feb-14 10:43:24

Sorry this is a very long one.

I had a very good friend I've known since I was 16. Over the past few years she's changed and I don't like the person she has become. She is self obbsessed, miserable, constantly moaning and very unsupportive of me.

I live abroad and when she visits she complains constantly of being bored. On numerous occasions she's fallen asleep in her dinner and drinks until she passes out to cope with the boredom.

When I had to lose weight last year she compared her needing to lose the odd lb for an interview as the same journey as me needing to lose 5 stone for my health and got all competitive over it.

Iast year my father died, I had a serious illness then an mc and she didn't support me through any of it. After my mc she carried on talking about herself and then when I Pulled her up on it she just said 'oh im sorry if you think i'm being insensitive'

So I accepted we have nothing in common with her anymore. I told her that and I packed up all her clothes that she keeps here. She just keeps banging on about me throwing away 16 years of friendship and hasn't apologised but wont stop emailing me and texting me. I blocked her from fb.

The difficult thing is I set her up with my husband's best friend. Both the boys think I should just tolerate her. But everything she says or does makes me angry. She had a horrible ex who ruined my wedding yet she got drunk with him at xmas and wonders why his wife was upset, whenever she's ill she blames everyone's devils spawn children for deliberately infecting her, she's just landed her dream job and goes on holiday every month and is still moaning. I wouldn't try and change her I just want her out of my life, I think. Dh wants me to ignore her and is angry with me for getting her together with his friend in the first place. Her new dp is lovely but she doesn't appreciate him and im cross she's hung up on her ex when he treated us all so badly.

They have booked flights here next month but aren't staying with us. I don't want to go but dh is going to meet them. It's a very messy situation and it's causing me a lot of stress. Despite me spelling it out to her, she has no idea what my problem is.

sarahquilt Mon 10-Feb-14 11:04:16

Ditch her and don't look back. She sounds like a nightmare. Just send her a long email to explain and then don't contact her again.

sarahquilt Mon 10-Feb-14 11:04:52

Let your DH go and see them alone.

mrsnec Mon 10-Feb-14 11:17:43

I did the long email thing. I started it with I can't even put into words how angry I am with you right now, she ignored it, I've since had more emails banging on about the ex and texts wanting to know why I blocked her from fb. Dh finds out when I contact her and then gets angry with me for going against his advice. Im also annoyed as they're staying in a hotel I wanted to go to but dh wouldn't go when I wanted to go there. I know im best just letting dh go on his own but he's upset he won't get to see his friend As much now and had a you ruined everything type rant at me. Im cross that everyone thinks her behaviour is acceptable.

mrsnec Mon 10-Feb-14 11:52:05

Also, thanks for the advice. I know its the right thing to do. Im wondering if throwing the 16 years of friendship away thing is more about her own guilt.

GoodnessKnows Sun 16-Feb-14 20:08:03

She does sound toxic. Tricky as your partner wants you to meet with them. Minimal contact? Be pleasant. Promise nothing. Don't her into any arguments. Maintain no contact outside this meet up.

ihatethecold Sun 16-Feb-14 20:15:37

Just move on.
You have obviously both changed over the years.
Let your DH go if he wants too.
You should block her email and ignore.
You have tried to tell her what's wrong, she doesn't care.

Life is too short to waste any more energy on this person.

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