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Toxic friend? ( Long!)

(6 Posts)
heather19771210 Tue 28-Jan-14 09:51:35

First post so be gentle :-). I have been with my hubby for 20 years (married for 10) and have four kiddies 9 and under.
Two year ago after my youngest was born DH confessed to having had a short affair a year before. I was 3 weeks post c-section and in a terrible state. H left and I (stupidly) attempted suicide. I had no real friends as I thought H and family were enough, but a work colleague stepped up and really helped me survive and become strong and independent.
My DH and I had counseling and reconciled and I kept my independence and made lots more friends through this colleague.
I supported her through her mum having cancer and we became close friends.
Problem is now if I have other plans with DH or family and cannot go with her if she decides she wants to go to bingo or for a night out she posts passive aggressive vague statuses on FB about people being 'two faced' or 'naive' and goes into a 'huff'.
I suffer from depression and through lots of therapy I am so much better but I have to be honest this brings me down.
I had a weekend away with my DH for my anniversary and he had bought me a beautiful watch but she asked what he had done that he had to buy the watch and then refused to speak to me for 4 days.
She does have a partner but they really live separate lives and I think she thinks I'm daft giving DH a second chance (but I love him and it was totally out of character).
I know I should just cut her out if my life but when we have fun we really have fun and I would loose the circle of friends I have met through her. WWYD?

sarahquilt Tue 28-Jan-14 16:45:37

I'd confront her about it and explain that if you've moved on from the cheating then she should too. It sounds like she liked you being dependent on her. See how she reacts. If she can't deal with it, it might be time to give her some space.

Mrswellyboot Tue 28-Jan-14 16:49:38

That is really hard. I honestly think real friends shouldn't make you feel guilty or bring up ancient history. I would get of FB for a start, for a little while.

I am not the one to advise as going through difficulties with an old friend myself. My thoughts are just tell her it's ancient history and you and dh have moved on from it and clearly state she's not to bring it up again. I didn't tell my friend when she hurt me with several comments over the years and now I have gone no contact with her but if I had stood up to her early on it wouldn't have got to this.

Mrswellyboot Tue 28-Jan-14 16:49:55

Off facebook

heather19771210 Tue 28-Jan-14 20:41:42

Thanks all. I agree about Facebook. It's complicated a bit as my family live in Canada and we use Facebook for my parents and sister to see my little ones. I have 'unfollowed' her though so I now cannot see what she posts unless I specifically look. I think I will try to back off a bit and see how that goes. smile

newyearhere Wed 05-Feb-14 14:58:48

She sounds like someone you go out with now and again rather than a friend.

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