My head is in a muddle over this(6 Posts)
I am feeling low and confused
I lost my husband last yr...and am still devastated
..I was on a cancer site where someone recommended a chat room....so I went in and got chattin to someone real nice. We now chat on IM We agreed at start he would help me laugh again as we hit it off, but he says he was married. Underneath I wondered why he was in there when married
The day after we started to chat his wife got lumps and a cancer scare so I am helping him get thro that now. We r helping each other. I says to him at start why was he in chat room as I wud be upset if I was his wife.....he says it's fine if it's just chat.
Since first jan we speak two hrs at least every nite on IM We hit it off.....joke...laugh. Then I started to feel like I was getting feelings for him and him for me. He says he respects me and never wants to jeopardise our friendship but if I wanted more he wud......but only by the internet. I told him that was cheap and tacky to me and I am better than that,,,and in any case I prefer the real thing. He says he can only do internet and doesn't mind...will go with wot I want as he really likes me and values our friendship and respects me.
Thing is now I can't get my head around what is going on here. He obviously loves his wife......from way he talks.....so why is he chatting to me behind her back. I do think he is a genuine nice person but can't understand this. Also I am worried I will start to fall for him when he is unobtainable and will end up hurt Can I just b friends do u think. I'd like to but not sure what he gets out of that....I can't figure out what he
I am scared if I drop him I will be a wreck again as he is only thing that has got me thro my own loss. But really I wud like someone who can physically give me a massive cuddle. He can't. He said if he wasn't married he would be here with me like a shot .....but he is . He has said lovely things to me an I know they r genuine and he is a good person. We have a lot of respect for each other and our chats have never been tacky cheap or sex stuff.....just sharing our day to day lives as we both get thro our probs. but there is this underlying chemistry we both feel Please can someone on outside see clearly what is going on here
Also when my husband was ill I went to bed with him every night....gave him cuddle...prayed for miracle,......never left him alone while I chatted. I fing that strange thing to do
I don't know if I should keep chattin and make this work as friends or what I should do
I'm sorry to hear about your husband! Unfortunately I think you probably know that this internet relationship is not a good idea. This man can't be a very nice person if he is on the internet chatting you up, and offering to cheat on his wife, while she is going through a difficult time. You need to stop it now, and focus on looking after yourself.
I think you are already too invested in this relationship. You need to stop. You are very vulnerable right now, and I am so sorry for your loss, but I cannot see your friendship with this man remaining as just a friendship.
It is heartbreaking falling for someone you cannot be with.
He is not a nice person, his wife has had a health scare and he is chatting you on on the internet...lovely.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I think maybe you could go back into the chat room and make friends with someone who is not essentially planning on cheating on his wife.
He may not be telling the truth about anything. Chat rooms can be seen by some as places to find vulnerable people. Be careful OP.
I feel so sad for you. But this man can be anything he wants to be on the other side of a computer. A woman. Single. Married to someone who hasn't had a scare at all and he's just telling you she did. It's completely and utterly understandable that your husband's death has left you devastated. But I really don't think this man is the answer to anything. Have you had counselling? Wouldn't talking to someone in real life - either a professional, a friend or someone who's been through something similar - be more helpful to you?
Join the discussion
Please login first.