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I an unable to make a friend, advice needed as daughter goung the same way

(14 Posts)
wheredoistartmrs Sun 05-Jan-14 20:45:38

At 40 years old I suddenly realised that I don't have any friends.i have mums I say hello too. I try at playgroups, invite peoples round, days out nothing ever comes of it. My daughter is the same we invite for sleepovers never get asked back. I thought I was a friendly person who tries to take an interest in others, nothing. What the fuck is wrong with me?

CaptainSweatPants Sun 05-Jan-14 20:47:59

Do you have old school friends or uni friends?
People I've known all my life are still my closest friends, I mostly just nod & say hello at the school gate
Keep inviting dd's friends round , someone will accept soon enough

MrsBennetsEldest Sun 05-Jan-14 20:51:12

I'll be your friend WheredoI, I'm 46, a bit odd and quite friendly.

MrsBennetsEldest Sun 05-Jan-14 20:51:47

How old is your DD?

wheredoistartmrs Sun 05-Jan-14 20:52:01

I didn't have any friends at school or uni.i have never had a friend. I have no family in the area

wheredoistartmrs Sun 05-Jan-14 20:56:28

Thnks Mrs Bennett, mydd is 9

wheredoistartmrs Sun 05-Jan-14 20:57:13

The other is a toddler

MrsBennetsEldest Sun 05-Jan-14 21:03:03

Does your dd do any activities like rainbows, dance etc?

wheredoistartmrs Sun 05-Jan-14 21:05:36

The other is a toddler

RestingActress Sun 05-Jan-14 21:07:01

I agree with MrsB - shared interests are a good foundation for friendships - both for your DD and you.

Does lack of friends bother you? Some people are loners who don't need friends - DH is like this, he's happier in his own company than out socialising.

wheredoistartmrs Mon 06-Jan-14 09:11:06

we do all the after school stuff, i try to talk to the other mums and it's like a brick wall. some will blank me. i do like my own company but sometimes i feel unbearably lonely

pickles184 Mon 06-Jan-14 09:17:32

Whereabouts are you OP? I seem to have similar problem with other Mums, like I don't fit their unwritten criteria, my few friends have been found through mutual hobbies. Also friendly if a little odd at times, but happy to be a friend if you'll have me smile

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 06-Jan-14 13:18:25

It's not necessarily you it's probably them. It's easy to stick with the familiar, the tried and tested. It takes a bit of effort to remember to include the newbie, to add their name to a list.

If asked they might say oh yes, wheredoistartmrs, she's really nice! But they have their own set of pals you don't quite fit into. They have you mentally listed as DD's mum, the one who wears this or does that, one of the crowd. You aren't doing anything wrong, they just have time allocated to this or that alternative person.

Join stuff, get known, try neighbours, school, sport, community things, charity/fund-raising, church?

I moved house in the summer and whilst I can say I have new acquaintances I wouldn't classify any of them as friends (yet). You will 'click' with someone. In a way it's like dating. You can get off on the right foot, all seems to be going well, but sometimes things peter out. Nobody has actually said to me yet, "I have enough friends thanks, I don't need you" but yes a couple of times I have felt mildly rebuffed. I can shrug it off but now my DCs are grown I don't have school as a short-cut to meeting people so have to put more effort in.

Finally, have you peeked at your Local area on MN for events and meet-ups etc?

CaptainSweatPants Mon 06-Jan-14 13:21:26

Aw you have had a friend
Your children presumably have a father & he is your friend!
Does he have friends he could introduce you too? Pay for a babysitter & go out as a couple?

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