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I have been ostracised at the school gates ... WWYD?

(33 Posts)
ranoutofnames Wed 04-Dec-13 20:29:52

When DC first started school, one of the local Mums organised a get together for the other local Mums and it was really nice, got to know each other etc.

I knew a couple of the Mums beforehand but one of these Mums went funny on me about the time the children first started school. I don't know if I have said or done something to upset her.

I've found out now that this particular Mum has now organised other get togethers and I haven't been invited. I didn't even know about them until another Mum mentioned them recently. What this has done though is effectively exclude me from the rest of the group - they are all friends on facebook, meet up etc etc. And the Mum in question can't even look me in the eye at the school gates - I can be having a conversation with another Mum and she will waltz up, start talking to the other Mum and completely ignore me.

I'm finding this quite upsetting really and I don't know how to deal with it. I've never been in a position where someone can stand near me and completely ignore me!

I don't know if it is relevant but this is a private school and said Mum is quite showy (and I am quite the reverse). But it may have nothing to do with that and that might be my insecurity. I never had private education, don't drive a posh car or any of that stuff so maybe I just don't fit in.


NearTheWindmill Wed 04-Dec-13 22:24:23

Posted too soon. I did feel it was a bit like being back at school though because there were people you had to be mindful of.

That's what I like about MNet - you can say what you like, when you like to whom you like and nobody knows and very few care.

Idespair Wed 04-Dec-13 22:29:46

You don't want to be friends with these bitches. Just be civil if anyone talks to you and don't engage otherwise. As long as your dc is/are ok, forget about the playground nonsense. You get this sort of stuff it at private and state, just the same.

hattyyellow Wed 04-Dec-13 22:39:07

Is there another group of mums you could be friends with instead? If these ones have got sucked into this clique mentality I wouldn't bother with them to be honest, if they can't sustain a friendship with you outside this. We have a Wendy type at our school you literally could be talking about the same person except we are state.

And same criteria as another poster above - you have to have a huge car and lots of money and be selected by this women as sucky uppy enough to join her group, err that's about it. Not that all mums like this are in the group, but no mums are who haven't got these requirements.

I can't be bothered with it. Have found a much nicer group of mums who aren't going to act like cliquey 15 year olds. smile

uptheanty Thu 05-Dec-13 05:25:58

Aahhhh op, you work?!

This could potentially be your problem.

Does Wendy?

Missing out on the 3 hour coffee after drop offsmile.

My dc are private, there was a woman who got v offended by me as I refused an invitation. She invited me to her house in the middle of the afternoon with 5 other women to have popcorn & watch a Woody Allen movie??

Who has time to do this in the afternoon and with NO WINE shock

Congratulations op Wendy's only ever do this to women they are intimidated by for whatever reason. You have the power really.

ranoutofnames Thu 05-Dec-13 06:21:37

Wendy doesn't work so is at pick up etc every day and has ample opportunity to schmooze etc. not everyone in her group is a SAHM though but if they aren't then they are either wealthy or pretty.

mrscog Thu 05-Dec-13 06:44:48

Calmly tackle it head on - 'hi Wendy, I really enjoyed the first meet up but I was wondering why you'd not invited me to anything else? Are you just a bitch or is it an oversight?' Watch her squirm. Also be very direct with other mums -
Make it clear to the other mums you're interested in future
Meet ups and to let you know when they are.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Thu 05-Dec-13 10:59:23

NearTheWindmill - I know there are but thankfully I have moved my children and don't have to see such nonsense anymore grin.

bolderdash Thu 05-Dec-13 11:33:00

I have a woman who has treated me like this for about 4 years now - since dc started nursery. I knew three in the group quite well and she decided I was not the right sort.

She started excluding me around that time. If I was talking to someone, she'd stand between me and that person on the ruse that she had something really important to ask them, and stick her hair in my face.

She can turn on the charm and organises nights out and parties so people flock around her. Ocassionally she's a complete arse to somebody but the others in the group will never stand up for them for fear of them being next in line for it. And they're always completely stunned when she turns on them, having watched her do it to other people for years.

I have dealt with it by talking to other people in the playground. I do still talk to one or two from the group on an individual basis. Keep you head held high, carrying on talking to people and don't let her bully you. But I'd find another friend or group of friends outside this group. In the long run, you'll be glad that you did. They are forever having falling outs, the bitching and backstabbing is horrendous. Find some grown ups instead.

She still interrupts my conversations with people, but mostly now they side step her and carry on talking to me.

There is nothing wrong with you - she is an arse. Just keep that in the back of your mind and keep talking to people.

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