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Moaning friend

(6 Posts)
bishbashboosh Tue 26-Nov-13 18:45:25

I gave friend who literally can never see any positive in life ever. To be fair she did suffer postnatal depression and kicked her hubby out a few tears ago but she gas a great job, lively life, lots of weekend breaks etc.

The problem is every single day I get barrages of messages from her moaning, not just a moan but because she doesn't have a partner she seriously offloads .

In Return she is a good friend in that if I ever, god forbid, moan , she die give good straight advice.

I am her only friend left as she had isolated people, she hate people.

I have 4 children, 3 with lifelong medical conditions and one with Tourette's syndrome...yes really! They are all aged between 3 and confused11. I work part time and am studying also for a degree. So life isn't perfect.

What I need help with is being a good friend whilst maintaining my sanity! This is dragging me down so much. If I say I find it hard she will say at least you have a husband or your job isn't stressful. This is true, I have a lovely husband who earns a wage but it would give anything did my kids to be healthy.

I do not in any way want to end this friendship, I adore her, have an affinity with her bug because I an not high maintanace I feel the moaning is damaging our relationship hmm

How does everyone else deal with such friendships?

pictish Tue 26-Nov-13 19:01:32

I'm probably the wrong person to answer, because I cba with moaning minnies at all.

That's not to say that I don't have a willing ear for a friend in strife - of course I do. But for moaning minnies? No. It's counterproductive to moan all the time anyway, no one ever cheered themselves up by moaning all the time and seeing the negative in everything. Thos people like to play victim and will come up with endless excuses as to why they can't make their situation better - when the truth is they don't want to. They enjoy their victim status far too much to give it up for something as trivial as getting on with their lives and being happy.

I've no patience for it. Been there, done that, let it drift....

Clobbered Tue 26-Nov-13 19:06:52

Do you actually respond to all her messages? If you are engaging with her on a daily basis, then you are enabling/encouraging her moaning. Can you start to limit your replies and thus cut down her expectations? Make some rules for yourself - you will give her a maximum of x replies per day or whatever or not respond to trivial moans.

Clobbered Tue 26-Nov-13 19:09:00

...and if she picks you up on your non-response, just tell her you were busy dealing with one of your children at the time. A barrage of messages can only affect you if you let it. If you let them wash over you, you can probably still be her friend, but if you get involved in all the nitty-gritty of her life, of course it will drag you down.
What are you actually getting out of this friendship? It sounds like you are the last man standing..

bishbashboosh Tue 26-Nov-13 19:34:11

Thank you! I am same I can't stand moaning Minnies. I always thought because I had a tough up bringing and had to get on with it ( she was vv spoiled with horses, mansion, parents always there),I was being harsh.

Yes I do respond constantly. She knows I only work mornings ( have dd in the aft) and you're right I don't know why I find myself constantly available. I think because she is a single parent I feel I have to be there to support her when she has the kids and then on the nights she doesn't ( she has joint custody), I worry she is Lonely. It's not like I even do much for her it is just the 100s of messages, all totally negative!

I am naturally a content and mindful person ( I count myself lucky). I have a crap situation but force myself to look at the goodness in life. Even though she has no mortgage, lots of help and a fab career, she will break down about things like a picture falling off a wall.

God I feel a bitch!!!

pictish Tue 26-Nov-13 20:00:08

Just stop being so available is my advice. Honestly, you can't be on call every day of your life like that - who has the time? Not you!

Start phasing your responses out.

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