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To confront or not?

(14 Posts)
LimitedEditionLady Tue 05-Nov-13 23:02:10

Sorry to say this but for him to seem so calm and not question why are questioning id say he already prepared what he would say if you found them.I think someone who is hiding something would usually do this aswell so they can keep up a glad you dont feel hes cheated but i can understand your sinking feeling of " what is this about?" I think if this was me id drop it verbally but id probably keep a look out for anything else but please dont let him nitice that you are,be careful as you dont want to be living in hostility.

winterst4r Tue 05-Nov-13 22:59:38

If you aren't friends with them on Facebook how can you see that they are single mums?

RIZZ0 Tue 05-Nov-13 22:53:41

Two things. One is your basic gut instinct that this is weird, I'd listen to that.
Second is the completely calm and unflustered way he reacted. That would bother me. Even if there's nothing sinister or dodgy happening, anyone who had written down other women's names in a book when they're a family man would look a bit embarrassed surely?

Either he's done nothing wrong (and doesn't understand that writing real women's names in a notebook is creepy), although I still don't understand how he met them... Or he is an accomplished liar who simple life isn't as simple as you think.

Sorry you're in a situation like this that has you worrying and your heart thumping. Are you tempted to snoop a bit for answers? Keep us posted if you want more advice/support.

waltermittymissus Tue 05-Nov-13 22:27:32

In a way it's almost worse that you are sure he wouldn't approach them. Much creepier.

Handbagsonnhold Tue 05-Nov-13 22:24:02

How very say they were Christian names and surnames....and all pertain to your local area....How very bizarre

Apileofballyhoo Tue 05-Nov-13 22:19:14

Very very odd. Kind of stalker ish and serial killer ish. Especially the thing about the single Mums. Sorry to be so harsh. I'd be feeling really worried myself. Why would he need to find them again anyhow? He only needed the first name as an idea for naming your baby. (Did you know it was a DD when you were pregnant?)

Wingebag Tue 05-Nov-13 22:17:26

It is bizarre! That is exactly the right word. I don't for a minute think he's been cheating, for a start the only place he goes besides work is our local, and I used to work there and know all the staff so would be told if he was there meeting a girl!

I think it must just be wishful thinking - they were all early 20s at a guess, and he is 40, and shy so there's no way he'd approach them. We've had conversations before about his 13 year old daughter being at the age where boys will soon become a big part of her life, & he was very freaked out by the whole concept!

Men are just strange I guess!

Mummyoftheyear Tue 05-Nov-13 22:10:47

Sounds really bizarre. I'd be flummoxed and feeling angsty!

Wingebag Tue 05-Nov-13 22:04:35

Yep been feeling sick all evening hmm

Just as I was coming up to bed he got his laptop case out, so I said can I ask you something. He said yes, & I told him how id been looking for a cable, found the notebook & seen all the girls names. Yes, he said. So I asked why all those girls names. He said it was when I was pregnant to which I asked why he needed their surnames too. He said it was so he could find them again, that he hadn't really thought about it. He didn't flinch or seem flustered. Said I could have the notepad and he'll get the cable for me tomorrow.

But... I'm not convinced. I'm 99% sure it's nothing more than names, but what I don't understand is why he wrote down the same Christian name 3 times spelt exactly the same way, but with different surnames. Or why list them under the name of a bar. When I was checking out baby names I would put them with our surname if anything. Also, one of the names is very Welsh, I had never heard of it & I know DH would never consider a traditional welsh name because neither of us are welsh, & I doubt he'd have a clue how to pronounce it!

I know I should have pushed him further but he made it seem like such a non-issue that I felt silly.

I did ask him how he'd feel if I had blokes names written down somewhere & he did say he understood why I was concerned.

I feel a bit blah now - I'm sure there's more to it, I think if he'd just said, oh I thought they were fitties I'd feel better in a stupid way!

LimitedEditionLady Tue 05-Nov-13 20:37:30

Sounds like a fantasy to me. What would i do.....? I think id wait until my child was fast asleep and all is calm and just say you found a notebook you gave him and thought youd take it back. Im sure he will explain.If its a fantasy like Im thinking he might just be making a nonsense list of people he thinks are attractive but thats something only you can work out.I hope you are ok,i bet you feel sick right now.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Tue 05-Nov-13 19:09:45

Can you see any of the girls friend lists to see if he has another account and is friends with them?

Zoosk (I think) is a dating site connected to FB where people use their real names too, check on there too.

RevelsRoulette Tue 05-Nov-13 19:06:03

is it possible he has a second facebook account you know nothing about? Or hides certain people from you somehow? (I don't know if you can set up lists of people that can't see each other)

Or maybe it is a list of girls names and he looked round fb to find girls names and wrote down all those he liked. Although that would be really weird since the one thing they have in common is they're a pretty, young single mums. hmm

I'd just ask him what it is.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 05-Nov-13 19:02:26

I can't think of a good explanation for this, sorry.

And because I can't I'd wait til you have more 'evidence' - I'd take the netbook and see how much he sweats over it.

Wingebag Tue 05-Nov-13 19:00:26

Wasn't sure where to put this...

Was looking for a cable today & checked in DHs laptop case, where I found an old notebook I'd lent him ages ago. I am in need of a small one for my handbag so I flicked through it to see if he was using it, to sneakily reclaim it wink

Inside were various lists, one of places & the rest of girls names. There were pages labeled A-Z at the back, with loads of girls names on, I thought at first that it was sweet as it was probably when we were pregnant, names he liked etc. One of the lists was v exotic names, one of which I recognised as a porn star, I googled the others, they are also models/porn stars confused

One of the other lists had the name of a local bar at the top, these names were clearly real names - surnames & first, some had middle too. Another was the same with some letters at the top.

I know I'm going to get flamed, but I googled the last 2 lists, they are all real names on Facebook. He isn't friends with any of them, & they are all quite young, many listing themselves as single mums. Most are attractive, but I can't see any connection between the second list except they are all from Bristol, which isn't that far from us, but DH has no connection to it whatsoever.

I'm really confused, I set up his Facebook account for him originally so know his password, but like I said, he isn't friends with any of them (I haven't logged into his a/c, I can tell from looking at his friends list).

I obviously don't know how old the list is, but the notebook has only been his 2 years max.

Do I confront him when he gets home? I found it innocently so am not scared of being accused of snooping, as I genuinely wasn't.


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