I went no contact with my very toxic mother (and sister) in March this year after a raging argument caused by narcissistic mother, it was the straw which broke the camels back, in April a relative died and I took my eldest to the funeral, mother was similarly badly behaved towards me. After that I resolved to stay away from her.
n June I had my second baby and my mother and sister have never seen her.
I initially had the support of my family as my mother is notoriously bad tempered and spoilt. However now I feel sympathy is swinging in her favour as I have kept the children from seeing their grandmother.
There is a family lunch tomorrow, I am debating taking the children to meet their grandmother - I am not ready (mentally) to talk through a solution and so wouldn't try to fix things but it would possibly be a step in the right direction and show my family (who had been supportive) that I'm not a complete asshole.
WWYD? My husband is fully supportive of me never seeing my mother again if she misbehaves. As for my sister? As far as I am concerned I don't have one.
Perhaps having the extended family around you will make it an easier step than being alone with her? If you can grit your teeth and smile sweetly for a couple of hours, then at least you can show you are trying to do the right thing. Deepest sympathy - I am forced with DH's narcissistic exW on a near daily basis so as to ensure contact with his DCs and it is hell!
Don't go. It will probably only show the family you'll cave if they guilt you for long enough. It doesn't sound as though your children are missing out, given you say your mother is very toxic and narcissistic. Keeping her from them is protective and sensible in that case, so grit your teeth in the face of criticism and keep going.
Yes I did go, it was ok - not great but ok. I was a little worried about there being emotional blackmail but there wasn't any. My sister chose not to attend at the last minute. We didn't miss her.
It did however reinforce my feelings that I don't want to 'fix' the relationship between my mother and I. I'm 36y old and I wasn't scared or on edge or trying to prove something for the first time in my life.