Massive row with DH re making a will(9 Posts)
I always thought making a will would be easy. My money goes to DH, his money would come to me. When both of us die, money would go to DC.
However, I have recently experienced a family member losing out on an inheritance because their father remarried and then when the father died, his new wife inherited everything.
I want to ensure my DC aren't cut out of a will because DH might remarry at some point. I broached this with DH but he just doesn't see eye to eye with me at all on this although he couldn't rule out that he might get remarried if I die. He thinks I don't trust him to do the right thing by the DC.
I just don't know what to do about it but I feel I can't leave my money to him unless I can be sure it would end up with the DC.
A will isn't carved in stone and so can, and should, be changed if your circumstances change - divorce, a new life insurance policy etc should absolutely mean rewriting a will and that flexibility would be for both you and DH. So you should absolutely and without question draw up a will - utterly crucial because you have children -
If - (which may or may not happen) you and DH separate, divorce or whatever, then the will simply gets changed to reflect the changes. Also, your wishes will be clear to your executors and they are obliged, by law, to follow your wishes unless there are excruciatingly extenuating circumstances -
You might need to have a relaxed chat with your DH as him thinking you don't trust him might not have gone down too well and there may be away of going forward without such upheaval! -
Suggest you get this moved to Legal Matters. There's a MNetter called Mumblechum who will give you some advice. She's a lawyer and will writer and knows everything you need to know about wills.
You can also find her in MN classified.
Agree that mumblechum will sort you out.
As far as I understand it (this is what we've done), you can get your inheritance put into trust, with trustees guarding money and agreeing how it is spent, which protects it against the new-wife scenario.
You certainly can write a will like this and it's a good idea to do so. HE can do what he likes with HIS money but what you want to ensure is that YOUR money goes in the end to YOUR children. It' a very real problem. I have a friend who has a will like this. She's told her husband she doesn't care what he does if she's dead but no 'strumpet' is going to cause her daughters to lose out. Her husband has meekly agreed......
A family member did this - when he died his half of the house went to the children, but with his DH having a life-long interest in it. Basically it means that she is free to live there for the rest of her life, but couldn't sell it/give it away without the children being able to claim their half. I think eventually we'll do the same - the way I see it, while DC are very young it makes sense that if anything happened to me everything would go to DH, who might need to sell up/ use the money to care for them. Once they're older, I'll change it so that the kids are ultimate beneficiaries.
We have done the same. It's nothing to do with trust IMO. If I died and my husband remarried a woman with another child, he could be fully intending to do right by our child but if they die on the way to the reception and he goes first, HER child would end up with OUR house and my child would get nothing.
When we went to see a lawyer he said the exact same scenario before I'd even mentioned it, and said it was a common worry. So you are definitely not alone.
That's what my DM has done with the new house she has bought with her new husband.
He is not on the deeds but did put a small percentage into the purchase. (Mortgage free). She has put in her will that he will get to stay in the house as long as he wants (unless he moves another woman in, in which case he has to sell!). If he sells, or if it sells on his death, he (or his estate) gets the same percentage he put in, whether or not the house increases or decreases in value. The other share goes to all us kids in equal measure. We can't stop him living there (and wouldn't want to) but he can't leave our share to anyone else.
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