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Re this lonely little girl?

(19 Posts)
barleysugar Tue 20-Aug-13 15:05:59

I need some views on this. We live in a little cul de sac, which is quite safe and quiet. I have two dds, 7 and 6. There is a few doors down a little Russian girl who is left outside all day on her own. She doesn't go to my dds school so I don't know her parents and have never seen them. The girl is about 7, and clearly an only child.

She keeps knocking on the door, every day asking to play with my two. Which is fine, I have no problem with the, making friends with her. She isn't allowed into our house and despite me asking, she says her mother will not come over and talk to us (to check she is ok). So they either have to play in the street, which I am dead against, or in our garden.

It's every day, she keeps knocking and I feel terrible turning her away as I have seen her every day sitting outside her house on her own.

I feel so sorry for her, but we do loads of fun activities in the hols, and don't always want an extra child hanging around.

What should I do?

sooperdooper Tue 20-Aug-13 15:07:51

Why isn't she allowed in your house if you want her to play with your kids? But if you don't want an extra child hanging around anyway I'm not sure what to suggest??

barleysugar Tue 20-Aug-13 15:08:42

Her mother says she isn't allowed in. I'm happy for her to come in and would prefer it.

Ragwort Tue 20-Aug-13 15:08:45

Why can't you go and speak to the mother direct, surely that would be the neighbourly thing to do? Perhaps invite the mother and daughter round together for a cup of tea?

Obviously you can't include the girl in everything you do, but the mother may be feeling very isolated and would welcome a friendly face?

Amiee Tue 20-Aug-13 15:09:51

I agree with rag go over and introduce yourself and she may have a change of heart.

ourlittlestreet Tue 20-Aug-13 15:10:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyHopter Tue 20-Aug-13 15:10:45

Why don't you go over and introduce yourself
'Hi thought I'd pop over as x as at ours a lot and I know I'd want to meet someone who has dd's over'

Then hopefully a convo will ensue whereby there's some sort of reciprocal agreement about when, where etc.

ourlittlestreet Tue 20-Aug-13 15:11:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

barleysugar Tue 20-Aug-13 15:11:21

I agree, it would be the neighbourly thing to do, but would she take it as a green light to send her over even more?

biryani Tue 20-Aug-13 15:15:40

Yes, speak to the mother. Could she have language difficulties which make things difficult for her? I think you''re right in trying to include her.

Ring the girl's doorbell and ask her mum if she can play in your house, or invite her and the dd for a coffee together? Betond that not sure what you can do, if the mother says no, aside from let the girls play together in your garden when that works for you and your dds.

X posts (slow phone) yes she will see it as meani g her dd is welcome to yours, I thought you were saying you would be happy for her to be able to come in. Obviously when she knocks if you have other plans you just say not today, but we have time tomorrow (or whenever )

tethersend Tue 20-Aug-13 15:21:21

When you say that the little girl is left outside all day on her own, can she go back inside if she wants to? Is there someone inside?

ivykaty44 Tue 20-Aug-13 15:26:10

Why can't the girls play in outside together? You say you are against this but I don't understand why?

This way the Russian girl is not in your house and when your girls come in from playing out that will be the end of play time - which you say you don't alway want this girl intruding on your daughters games.

There may be many reasons the other girl isn't allowed in your house, I didn't let dd in others peoples houses and she was allowed to play out but had restrictions on where and how far she could go, but I had reasons for this.

usualsuspect Tue 20-Aug-13 15:30:09

Why are you so against your DDs playing out?

No need for you to have her in your house then

barleysugar Tue 20-Aug-13 21:30:29

I'm against playing outside because the time I did let them I caught them all taking stones off neighbours driveway and throwing them fm down the grid! They all blamed each other of course, but I don't feel I can trust them to behave!

And it sounds mean but I don't really want another child hanging around all of the time!

I feel really sorry for her, but she isn't my responsibility! Surely the mum ought to play with her or take her out or something if she's bored?

usualsuspect Tue 20-Aug-13 22:29:47

My children spent a lot of time playing with the neighbours kids in the summer holidays.

It's not unusual where I live for kids to play out though.

ivykaty44 Wed 21-Aug-13 08:47:36

so because your dc did something wrong on one occasion they are grounded for ever?

Playing out was such great fun when I was growing up and my two dd's also enjoyed playing out just a few years ago. I certainly didn't want to play with my mum and my dd's didn't really want to play with me. I wanted to play with my peers and do stuff like hop scotch, skipping, tig and 40/40

Of course this girl isn't your responsability but she wants to play with your dc which is natural as dc like to play with each other.

Do barleysugar 's dds want to play out with the little neighbour girl I wonder? Seems that's an important factor in deciding!

I also think not being allowed to play out purley because they were once mildly naughty is very harsh parenting if the children want to play out. Its a really wonderful aspect of childhood if you live somewhere suited to it, and a shame to ban it for such a minor reason. OP you could always sit out in your garden listening and unobtrusively keeping an eye on your dds the first few times/ part of the time, if you'd otherwise be playing with your dds in the house.

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