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courts have ordered my children be seperated for contact

(14 Posts)
addictedtolatte Sun 14-Jul-13 22:22:17

I have a 2 year old dd and 5 year old ds. There dad left when I was pregnant. He gets court orders to have contact then disappears for months when its not going well. My 5 year came back home from contact last year upset and has ground down his teeth and bed wetting with anxiety. I have never found out what happened and father denies any knowledge. My D's has refused to go since then so dad visits them at my home. Last week the court served an order for desperate contact as D's doesn't want to go with him. I am devastated as I don't have a choice but to hand her over for overnight contact. Am scared he will destroy her like he's destroyed my little boy.

I want to refuse the handover but am scared of the outcome from the courts.sad

HeySoulSister Sun 14-Jul-13 22:24:15

Were cafcass involved?

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 14-Jul-13 22:29:12

Have you spoken to anyone about your DS coming back upset and that being why you stopped contact? You need to get legal advice. Other posters may have specific information that will help.

addictedtolatte Sun 14-Jul-13 22:38:56

Yes casfcass was involved there response was WE MAY NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Basically the dad is keeping stum so there relying on my D's to say when he's older. I do have a solicitor but the magistrate was a bit of a grump on the day. I suspect they just want everything sorted out quickly so gave the speech about pushing forward into the future and not the past. I have a right to appeal but feel too emotionally drained to fight anymore. I have fought for 2 years now and my health is suffering. I just feel awful I can't help my children

Xihha Wed 17-Jul-13 02:59:15

cafcass can be pretty useless, it is worth fighting and putting your foot down as much as you can.

my 9 year old's dad isn't around and did pretty much the same thing, he wanted to know when it suited him but then wouldn't turn up if he had something more fun to do and would disappear for ages. I arranged to do the handovers at a contact center so the staff could see how much my son didn't want to go and DS went to see a counselor arranged through the school so he could finally tell the court what had made him not want to go (this was after cafcass had told us that they were sure nothing had happened and ds was just picking up on vibes between me and his father).

Having tried supervised contact the court eventually ordered no direct contact but that took a very long time.

So yeah, best bet would be to see if you can arrange counselling for your 5 year old to find out what happened and speak to your solicitor about appealing.

Do you have a review hearing or was this the final order?

ChippingInHopHopHop Wed 17-Jul-13 03:11:05

I'm sorry you are going through this sad

You have a right to appeal - you have to do it, for your children. You have to 'dig deep' and do everything you possibly can to protect your children.

You will feel more awful if you don't and DD ends up as distressed as DS wont you?

I hate that it seems so easy for people like him to get contact/overnights with their kids.

I would refuse to hand her over and lodge an appeal.

Sending you lots of strength to help you do it

addictedtolatte Sat 20-Jul-13 07:39:24

Thank you both for your support. Caffcass came with the father last night and took my Ds and dd by force. Caffcass officer said he was fine but I heard him screaming for me. I feel sick and haven't been to bed yet. I do have a right to appeal but my mental health is starting to suffer now and I can't stop vomiting with the stress.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sat 20-Jul-13 09:15:53

Oh no. Took them as in for an overnight stay or what? Do you have friends who will help you make the appeal? Women's Aid might be able to advise? I don't know much about this area but hopefully someone who does will comment. What can Cafcass do if you refuse to let children go for contact?

GherkinsAreAce Sat 20-Jul-13 09:19:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

addictedtolatte Sat 20-Jul-13 16:57:37

Hi yes it is for overnight. There due back in 5 mins but he's turned off his phone. Caffcass said if I didn't cooperate they would advise transfer of residency. Solicitor advised MBB e to cooperate play it out and take action Monday. Thanks for support

Xihha Sat 20-Jul-13 20:47:47

how are you and your kids doing now addictedtolatte?

addictedtolatte Sat 20-Jul-13 23:28:33

Hi he brought them back at 7. I was so relieved to get them back safe I haven't thought about what to do next. The children seem happy enough.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 21-Jul-13 09:31:36

Glad they are back. Notice it was two hours late though! Keep a record of all this. Get advice tomorrow.

Xihha Sun 21-Jul-13 16:12:15

smile glad they are back and seem happy. I trust there was an apology and good reason for them being late? As Snazzy says, keep a record of that. The judge I had got really angry about lateness because it shows a lack of respect for the other parent which isn't good for the children to see.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do tomorrow.

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