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Damaged dress wwyd

(17 Posts)
AnneElliott Thu 27-Jun-13 22:16:16

I would like opinions please. We went on holiday with DH family a few months ago. DH niece needed posh dresses to attend some of the evening meals. SIL insisted they could not afford to buy her any (they are actually very comfortable financially)

I asked one of my friends to lend her some dresses as they are the same size. DN borrowed 4 in all. She wore them and when one came back to my friend there ass blood on it that won't come off. I paid for specialist cleaning but it hasn't worked and dress is a write off.

I think SIL should pay to replace it but MIL seems to think that my friend should just put up with having her dress ruined. I have offered to pay for a new dress but I really think SIL should at least put towards it.

What do other people think?

yaimee Thu 27-Jun-13 22:23:09

Have you spoken to sil? What does she think?
Ignore MIL, your friend shouldn't lose out if she was kind enough to lend.
You shouldn't have to pay either.
I'd speak to your sil about it and see what she says. If she refuses to pay it then I would pay it myself.
Rubbish that they've put you in this situation.

Clargo55 Thu 27-Jun-13 22:23:24

Yes I think your SIL should pay for it. If she cannot afford it currently I think you should reimburse your friend and then seek payment back from your SIL.

AnneElliott Thu 27-Jun-13 22:26:17

I have not mentioned it to SIL yet. Mainly because I don't see her that often. MIL would throw a hissy fit though as she's pretty clear that my friend should put up with it. Will hand to get DH to talk to his sister but based on previous experience she will probably shrug and do/say nothing.

Clargo55 Thu 27-Jun-13 22:31:06

What a crap situation. Is there anything your DN could do to pay your friend back? Volunteer to babysit/dog walk/cleaning.

Your friend really needs to be reimbursed in some way.
I would avoid discussing with MIL. Think your DH talking with SIL is the best place to start. Likely the easiest thing to do will to be just pay her back yourself, unfair as that is.

Helpyourself Thu 27-Jun-13 22:32:14

Why on earth did you talk to MIL about it?confused

AnneElliott Thu 27-Jun-13 22:35:34

I didn't raise it with MIL. DH told her.

Teeb Fri 28-Jun-13 00:42:15

How old is your niece? If she is 15+ then I really think she is the one you need to be chasing up. If she doesn't have any income then get her to do some jobs for you that would reimburse you. She's old enough to know not to destroy other people's property.

Longdistance Fri 28-Jun-13 01:06:52

Of course your sil should pay for it. Why is your mil shielding her dd? There's more to this I'm sure. I bet mil knows something about their finances.

Anyone with half a brain knows, that if you borrow something, and it gets ruined, then you replace it.

AnneElliott Fri 28-Jun-13 09:26:23

DN is 14. Think she might be embarrassed as blood was from her period. Wish she had told me at the time though as it might have been easier to get it out.
MIL just has a thing with her DGCs they cannot do any wrong in her eyes and she will defend them regardless of what they have done.

AnneElliott Fri 28-Jun-13 09:27:23

Obviously it was a total accident but I do not think my friend should lose out.

babyhmummy01 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:00:05

I would mention it yourself to SIL rather than getting DH to do it esp considering the type of blood, not sure either of them would appreciate that conversation!!

If the dress was lent then SIL needs to reimburse for the damage, it is obviously an accident, but at 14 DN is more than capable of coming and saying quietly that she has had an accident and the fact she didn't is inexcusable

Nerfmother Fri 28-Jun-13 14:07:00

Did sil want the dresses lent? Or did you 'solve' the problem and present her with the dresses? I think that would be a deciding factor for me.

glenthebattleostrich Fri 28-Jun-13 14:13:24

Mention it to your SIL, obviously it was an accident but that doesn't mean they shouldn't pay to replace it, especially as they didn't tell you at the time.

Your friend should definitely not lose out, and certainly shouldn't have to pay for a new dress herself.

Oh and your MIL sounds like mine, apparently the neighbours are being horrible to the family at the minute just because 15 year old DNeice wants to sit and chat quietly get drunk behind their houses where there is a quiet alley. hmm

MusicalEndorphins Mon 15-Jul-13 02:54:35

Your sister-in-law should offer to pay for it, it is the right thing to do.

Optimist1 Mon 15-Jul-13 06:41:12

If your SIL refuses to pay for it, I think you'll have to make things right with your kind friend. But don't just go out and buy a replacement - tell her what's happened and ask if she wants the same dress. It would be dreadful if you forked out for a new one, handed it over and your friend then said she'd never really liked that one!!

antsypants Mon 15-Jul-13 07:24:29

She's 14 and embarrassed herself, I don't think there is any need to make an issue out of it, why not speak to DN and just say that you noticed what happened and that she shouldn't feel ashamed, perhaps suggest she texts or writes to your friend apologising for damaging the dress... I'm assuming it was fairly pricey or you wouldn't be making a fuss?

Speak to your friend, chances are she will be understanding and say to leave replacing it anyway, there has to be an expectation that a teenager is not going to be as careful as an adult would anyway.

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