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Neighbour intimidating me

(12 Posts)
orangemoon Thu 20-Jun-13 10:11:17

I moved into my house 5 years ago now, whilst we were moving in my new next door neighbour came round to introduce herself, she seemed friendly enough although at the end if the conversation she started warning us about every other neighbour in the street and saying quite nasty things about them, so me and do decide best thing to do us smile and be polite but not actively engage in conversation with her If we could help it.
We share a driveway with her, when we moved in she asked us not to put a fence between the driveways as it would make it difficult for both of us to get out of our cars which is true and we had no intention of doing so.
Fast forward to six months ago and her drunken son starts a fight with a group of men outside our homes, next door neighbour goes out and makes it worse by shouting at them all an saying her son has done nothing wrong, my ds and dd get really upset about all the shouting and fighting so I go out to ask her to stop as its scaring my kids, and she responds by telling me to fuck off and never come near her again or she'll kill me!
Now to the point, 3 weeks ago she builds a 3ft fence between our driveways which means me and the kids struggle to get out the car as we can barely open the doors and the car doors keep hitting the fence by accident, whilst building the fence she scraped past my car and got paint all over it which she just laughed at.
This morning I opened my car door and it hit her fence so she shouted out her window if I hit her fence again she will call the police.
Can she do that? Will i get in trouble? How do I stop her intimidating me? I feel like bursting into tears each time she glares at me or smirks at me (she never does this whilst my dp is around however), I just want her to stop.

Sorry this post is so long but thank you if you got to the end.

Picturepuncture Thu 20-Jun-13 10:14:25

She can call them. I doubt they would care.

Are there boundaries laws which could help re. The fence? Who owns the land?

She threatened to kill you? That's a criminal offence and you can call the police about that.

burberryqueen Thu 20-Jun-13 10:15:47

you must keep a diary of all this, starting today with retrospective entries, and add to it anytime she so much as breathes a word to you or even looks at you oddly.

orangemoon Thu 20-Jun-13 10:45:06

Thank you both, I'm not sure where I stand re boundary laws etc, our home is council and she owns hers, and my local authority were less than helpful when we tried to establish an issue over how far back into the woods are back garden goes.

I know I could report her for threatening to kill me but I worry it will make the whole situation worse with regards to her behaviour towards me when I'm alone.
I even looked into moving but my dd has recently had a wet room built and adaptions made to the back garden for her as she is disabled so if we moved we couldn't have that work done again through dwp funding.

I just feel so alone and isolated when I'm home, I can't believe I am letting another woman intimidate me in my own home.

mistlethrush Thu 20-Jun-13 10:49:45

Is the boundary in the correct position? If it is, she is perfectly within her right to erect a fence like that - and hopefully it will keep her son's fights further from your house. Presumably she is having the same problem with opening her car doors too? Can you do anything about creating extra width to the other side of your driveway?

burberryqueen Thu 20-Jun-13 10:50:21

This is horrible for you I really do know and I hope you are OK.
not clear from your post if there is a partner there with you, if so can you go out for the day, visit friends, stay out in the park or something til they get home?
you must call the non-emergency police number.
sorry for your troubles thanks

NotDead Thu 20-Jun-13 10:53:07

reckon she told son loads of paranoid crap that others didn't say so she could watch it all kick off. An inlaw of mine saw herself as the powerhpuse of the village with an evil story about each.

wave and say thank you whatever she says.. Ive tried this with really nasty folk and it often works wonders..

orangemoon Thu 20-Jun-13 11:05:28

Her fence is most likely legal as its completely on her boundary, we know she built it just to spite us.
Dp lives with me but works 4am till 6-7pm so is not here during the day and I have been spending a lot of time away from the house at friends or just going for a walk lately, just seems to have really got to me this morning after she yelled at me out the window, I was even too scared to take a cereal box out to the recycling box that's out for collection at the bottom of my driveway.
I'm doing my best not to cry because then she will have won, each time she is there or says something to me I am doing my best to pretend she is not there.

mistlethrush Thu 20-Jun-13 11:08:58

I think that you need to pull up your MN pants, put on a big smile and brazenly head down to the recycling box with a cheery 'morning' on the way. Put your shoulders back and make sure you're breathing. Don't give her any indication she has 'got' to you or she will continue. Meanwhile, try to park so that you don't hit the fence - would it help backing in rather than backing out?

orangemoon Thu 20-Jun-13 11:33:20

Thanks mistle, that made me smile.
I already reverse on to my driveway, the road outside my house is only wide enough for one car to drive past and we have issues with people across the road parking cars on the road opposite out driveway, coincidentally the neighbours opposite have suddenly become really pally with my neighbour and are probably parking a car there to annoy us and make it as difficult as possible to get in our driveway as they stand and smile at me as they watch me struggle to get my car on my drive.

What the hell have I done wrong? Seeing it all written down in writing makes it all seem so pathetic, we are all grown ups and they're acting like we're still in school, I would love to know what I have done so wrong to be made to feel so down and anxious every time I want to leave my house.

mistlethrush Thu 20-Jun-13 11:42:30

You dared to ask her to stop the fight - she is trying to reassert her dominance. You might feel worried inside, but the less you can show that she is getting to you, hopefully the less inclined she will be to do it. (I suppose the downside is that she could go the otherway - but then you would have a good reason to get the police involved (can you get something that will record conversations that you can put in your pocket just in case?) However, Big cheery 'morning, fixed grin and don't let the frantic butterflies out until you're back home! Every time you do it it will be easier.

sensesworkingovertime Wed 10-Jul-13 16:03:10

Hi OP, I am so sorry to hear about your awful neighbour/s, it sounds like they are childish bullies to me. It is scary though, at a previous house me and DH were threatened similar to this by a lunatic neighbour. I certainly wouldn't be 'good morning' her unless speaks to you, be civil if she does, otherwise there is no point going overboard with people like this, it's just a waste of effort IYAM. However I would be tempted to see if it were possible to make space on the other side of the drive?? if you are struggling to park - at least it would make that bit of your life easier. Oh and if you can sing or whistle a bit I would do this as I am going in or out as a way of putting a brave face on, don't let her think she's intimidating you. Hope things improve and yes, keep a diary of what she's up to, she has no right to threaten you.

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