I was a total cow today.(85 Posts)
There was a child having a tantrum in the shop. He was crying really loudly because he couldn't have his own way. His mum told him to stop etc, the ignored him (I presume her intention was to ride it out, show him that crying won't get him his own way).
Anyways, I'm not entirely sure what came over me, but as I walked past him in his pushchair, I said "Ah, shut up." And not in a very nice way. Not in a jokey way. As I walked away, I heard the mum asking someone else "did she really just say that?"
She came up to me and told me I was "a disgusting woman". I replied with something along the lines of "what, because I told your child to shut up because you wouldn't?" After the mum went away, another woman walked past and said "you're lucky that wasn't my child you said that to".
I feel really bad about it now! I wish I could apologise to the mum for undermining her like that, and taking out my bad mood on her kid. It was wrong. Kids don't know any better. I should, I'm supposed to be an adult.
God, this image of her telling me I'm disgusting is going to stay with me for life. I just know it's going to replay in my head all night long, because it's been doing so all day. I guess that's my penance. That feeling of guilt. And shame.
At least I know I will never do it again. From now on, I'm going to strive to be a good person, and to bring kindness and happiness to those around me-regardless of how I feel. Even if I'm in a bad mood! I will be KIND! And MATURE!
To the mum and her son: I'm so sorry.
I was just wondering though, in this situation (from both sides, if you were the mum or if you were me) what would you have done? How would you have reacted? Again, I know I reacted poorly and it's not something I'm proud of. (Oh, and I'm not looking for people to tell me it's ok so long as I'm sorry or whatever, in case anyone though that! Because it's not! No sympathy grubbing here!)
We all say things we regret. The shame and the guilt is a hard enough punishment I think. Please don't dwell on it. Learn from it and move on... And don't do it again
I feel sorry for the Mum............When Wilf was five and a half he had an autistic meltdown in a shop and an old lady came storming over and said very loudly "that young man needs a good slap on the backside!" I turned round and replied "and you old lady need to learn to mind your own business!" and i stormed off with Wilf under my arm leaving her gawping like a goldfish!
You weren't a cow, you were a total bitch.
My dd tantrums (and boy does she tantrum) and if you had spoken to me or my child like that when I was trying to deal with it I would have either told you to f off you or cried depending on how I was feeling.
Judge all you like, but parents need all the help they can not an interfering individual insinuating your parenting is not up to scratch; especially if you are at the end of your tether and cannot imagine how you will get through to bedtime
I might have thought it, pre-DC, but would never have said it. Do you have DC, OP?
frankly yes I've thought it,but of course id never say it
was in restatuarant and other diner dc were noisy,threw food,screamed,mum said nowt
other than oh jack,no we don't throw salt,no we don't throw water on floor. of course integrally I'm thinking pack it in
You had PND right OP? Maybe go back to the doctors.
I don't remember you being a badtempered person before.
I don't think you are yourself.
If you told my child to shut up I suspect I would have channelled my (very polite but a demon when roused mother) and have said 'I beg your pardon..WHAT did you say?'
I was in your situation a few weeks ago. A child was having a total meltdown in a shoeshop. Frankly it was grating a bit. I don't go shopping alone to listen to other people's kids whining BUT there but for the grace of God etc etc. So what I actually did was to ask the child ifshe was going to be a good girl and try on the other pretty shoes mummy had got for her to try? Then I told mum that my oldest is 15 and shoe shopping is still a pita. Not sure that helped much but at least she didn't feel judged. That's what you need to do next time OP. Either say something that attempts to be helpful or say nothing. As you know, telling somebody else's bairn to shut up is not acceptable
Have just read what ShinyPenny wrote.
Schlub - Do you need to go and see the GP again? Hither thee hence - you need to look after yourself. It is possible to feel good, and calm, and happy about life, but you may need a little help to get there. If you want to talk, you are in the right place: mn is good for this. Lots of us will listen - offer experiences/advice if wanted - just listen if you just want to talk.
honestly, I probably would have told you to fuck off if you'd said it to my child. awful and a lot worse than what you did but I would have been shocked and angry and it would probably have been the first thing out of my mouth. i'd then have glared at you til I left the shop.
if I had been you I probably would have just gritted my teeth til crying child left. no way would I say anything- I've been there.
to all those saying "you're lucky you didn't say that to my child" etc. why exactly?
ShinyPenny makes a good point Schlub.
Now I read your OP again, you ask for no-one to let you off following your rude behaviour and you're not "sympathy grubbing". Well, you were rude, but if you aren't yourself, then you do deserve to get some help. Do go see the GP if that is the case.
I'm with SM on this one, I wouldn't have responded and I wouldn't have been upset either. But then, I'm a parent of two, and a parent of child with SN, and a primary teacher so my skin is thicker than rhino hide when it comes to random insults and nastiness from people I don't know.
My primary thought would be 'Is my child upset by that interaction?' and deal with that.
I'd have judged you as an unpleasant person whose opinion wasn't worth bothering with. Rather like being yapped at by a dog in the street.
I dont see the big deal.
kid needed to shut up. everyone was probably thinking it. you were the one that said it.
of course you were rude but it hardly makes you a disgusting person. if I was that mother I would told yhe child that he was starting to annoy everyone else now and other people even wanted to tell him off.
takes a village to raise a child
Thats all the poor mum needs. A village of rude people having a go at her child and making her feel crap.
I would have been too shocked to speak!
Nothing surprises me anymore though, my dm once took my dd4 at the time to a supermarket and a woman threatened to hit my dd as she was playing with rail thingy dm being dm quite simple told her to get out of the shop before she called the police.
In future keep your judgey pants on
I'm amazed that so many people have had strangers commenting nastily on their children!
This has never happened to me once in five years of parenting, not once.
OP If you had just made the initial comment then that would be bad but forgivable. But to follow it up with further comments when an opportunity to apologise presented itself is pretty awful.
Sounds like there is some backstory here, do you need help?
'I'm amazed that so many people have had strangers commenting nastily on their children!
This has never happened to me once in five years of parenting, not once.'
That says a lot about the quality and niceness of your neighbourhood, long may it continue.
It was unkind but also unhelpful. So what wa the point?
If saying shut up to a screaming toddler worked then there would be a lot less screaming toddlers around! I know with my two they would have just howled louder of a stranger and told them to shut up.
I agree with the poster upthread - it's easy to tell a small child to shut up but I have never seen a loud adult being told the same. I take the bus regularly and have never seen anyone say anything to the loud obnoxious teenagers using foul language but I have seen mothers being 'told off' because their preschool child is daring to make a noise.
I'd have been really cross with you & probably had a row with you.
My son has meltdowns (he's autistic) and your judgmental crap would tip me over the edge.
You are lucky you didn't get a lunch on the nose tbh. I take it you weighed that up before you were so vile and noted the mother looked fairly meek.
I did mean a PUNCH on the nose but lunch sounds more appropriate in this case <visualises op with quiche dripping from her face>
Wish I had thrown lunch..or a punch..on the lovely woman who sat turned to face us shaking her head and saying "it's the parents'" fault because DD was making a mess with her lunch. .DD can barely use a spoon and drops things.
I didn't even say "is it my fault my daughter is quite disabled then'".
Thankfully I have mostly met a village of nice people who understand when she charges iver to them and tries to steal their food or their baby's toys..with me in hot pursuit apologising profusely.
That's the kind of understanding village we need branleuse. .not miserable critical people
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