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I was a total cow today.

(85 Posts)
Schlub Sat 08-Jun-13 20:51:54

There was a child having a tantrum in the shop. He was crying really loudly because he couldn't have his own way. His mum told him to stop etc, the ignored him (I presume her intention was to ride it out, show him that crying won't get him his own way).

Anyways, I'm not entirely sure what came over me, but as I walked past him in his pushchair, I said "Ah, shut up." And not in a very nice way. Not in a jokey way. As I walked away, I heard the mum asking someone else "did she really just say that?"

She came up to me and told me I was "a disgusting woman". I replied with something along the lines of "what, because I told your child to shut up because you wouldn't?" After the mum went away, another woman walked past and said "you're lucky that wasn't my child you said that to".

I feel really bad about it now! I wish I could apologise to the mum for undermining her like that, and taking out my bad mood on her kid. It was wrong. Kids don't know any better. I should, I'm supposed to be an adult.

God, this image of her telling me I'm disgusting is going to stay with me for life. I just know it's going to replay in my head all night long, because it's been doing so all day. I guess that's my penance. That feeling of guilt. And shame.

At least I know I will never do it again. From now on, I'm going to strive to be a good person, and to bring kindness and happiness to those around me-regardless of how I feel. Even if I'm in a bad mood! I will be KIND! And MATURE!

To the mum and her son: I'm so sorry.

I was just wondering though, in this situation (from both sides, if you were the mum or if you were me) what would you have done? How would you have reacted? Again, I know I reacted poorly and it's not something I'm proud of. (Oh, and I'm not looking for people to tell me it's ok so long as I'm sorry or whatever, in case anyone though that! Because it's not! No sympathy grubbing here!)

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 08-Jun-13 20:54:13

I'd have thought you were a very sad person, but I probably wouldn't have said anything as would have been too shocked.

I mean presumably he was a pretty small child/toddler if he was in a pushchair?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 08-Jun-13 20:54:15

In your situation I would've smiled at the mum and ignored the crying. Sounds like the mum was doing exactly what I did in those situations by not feeding the tantrum.

NatashaBee Sat 08-Jun-13 20:55:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlowJinn Sat 08-Jun-13 20:55:41

I think the mother of the child overreacted and you need to forget all about it - don't beat yourself up about something that can't be undone.

saintmerryweather Sat 08-Jun-13 20:56:48

i would have thought the same as you but not said it

VeremyJyle Sat 08-Jun-13 20:56:57

I would have probably called you more than disgusting and taken my own bad mood/child winding me up to breaking point, out on you instead

Portofino Sat 08-Jun-13 21:01:44

I take pity on women on the tram on a daily basis in this situation. I try to find something in my bag to wave at said child, and give the mother sympathetic looks. It back fired on me the other day where I did a smiley face and baby looked at me slightly stunned then did high pitched scream blush.

WuzzleMonkey Sat 08-Jun-13 21:02:15


Why didn't you just apologise to her instead of giving her a load of mouth?

You were really out of order.

ShinyPenny Sat 08-Jun-13 21:03:16

If I was the mum I would tell everyone I knew to avoid your shop. Sorry, but I would.

WuzzleMonkey Sat 08-Jun-13 21:05:09

"He was crying really loudly because he couldn't have his own way. His mum told him to stop etc, then ignored him"

"I replied with something along the lines of "what, because I told your child to shut up because you wouldn't?"

confused hmm hmm

BrianTheMole Sat 08-Jun-13 21:05:50

Well, at least you know you were in the wrong. Remember this next time you open your mouth to say something mean, and say nothing wink

50shadesofbrown Sat 08-Jun-13 21:06:29

If it was me ten years ago I'd have burst into tears.
If it was me now you'd have been lucky to get out without bursting into tears. Becoming a mother a made me strangely fierce & a hell of a lot braver than I used to be. (I'm not the violent type though, I hasten to add.)

Just learn from it but try not to dwell on it. We all do things we're not proud of, especially when we're having a bad day. I know I have.

RubyrooUK Sat 08-Jun-13 21:06:49

If I was you, I definitely wouldn't have said that. As the mother of small children, I would feel sympathy for the woman that she was the victim of a public meltdown. Children DO make a fuss about things they can't have - even the ones that are normally pretty good. The noise might have grated on me a bit but no more than many other people out and about.

As the mother of the child, I would probably have been shocked that a stranger had been so rude to a child. So I would probably have stared in dumb humiliation.

IsThatTrue Sat 08-Jun-13 21:07:23

If I were you? I'd have given a compassionate smile in an 'I know what it's like' kind of way. However bad my mood I've never really felt anger towards a child tantrumming.

If I were her? I'd have been scraping my jaw off the floor tbh.

JeanPaget Sat 08-Jun-13 21:09:19

I just can't imagine, no matter how awful my mood, telling a child to shut up. And not only that, but then defending myself when challenged about what I'd said.

I understand that everyone has off days and says stupid things they really regret, but I just honestly can't imagine ever coming out with something like that. What on earth possessed you?

If someone I knew behaved like that it would make really question what kind of person they were.

Mckayz Sat 08-Jun-13 21:10:30

I would have smiled at the poor woman. Small children cry and you seem like a nasty person. I would have given you an earful if you had told my child to shut up.

SolomanDaisy Sat 08-Jun-13 21:11:59

Is this a joke? If not, why on earth did you do it?

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 21:15:47

You are very lucky you didnt tell MY child to shut up!

Monty27 Sat 08-Jun-13 21:15:56

You were lucky you got away unscathed saying that to a stranger's child, well in fact anyone's child. angry

The poor mum was probably beside herself. Next time maybe ask the mum if she's ok or perhaps a knowing and sympathetic smile?

Oh sorry, perhaps you don't know.

thecatfromjapan Sat 08-Jun-13 21:16:43

In all honesty, I either keep walking or, if I'm not in a hurry, I'll go and be helpful - but only if I think it'll be acceptable to do that.

That's not just a hypothetical, I really do do that.

Basically, when I became a mother I came to realise that people are fucking weird about and to mothers. Initially, my hormones were everywhere, and I used to think I deserved a lot of the crap that came my way. And then I realised that it is a thing. Is it because they think mothers with little kids can't run away? are an easy target? Or is it wome weird, deep-seated ambivalence?

Who knows.

Anyway, I tend to try to live by the google mantra: "Don;t be evil". Generally, and especially with other mothers.

So ... enough with that ... what's going on with you? Do you want to talk about it? What's up? You sound as though you were almost looking for - not just a way to get rid of over-powering emotions - but also actively looking for a fight. A real mixture of aggression and a desire for self-harm. So, what is happening?

BooCanary Sat 08-Jun-13 21:17:22

Not good OP, but you know that.
In the same situation, I normally do a 'been there, done that, aren't kids a nightmare' kind of look!

WuzzleMonkey Sat 08-Jun-13 21:19:53

thecatfromjapan has a point - what's up with you OP?

Do you have DC? Are there issues around you being able to have DC? I can't think why some momentary noise you could just have walked away from would have incensed you so much, other than you having issues in that area.

PseudoBadger Sat 08-Jun-13 21:23:20

An old man told my just-2-year old DS to shut up in the supermarket as he was randomly screeching for fun. I was walking from the till to the exit and he'd only just started doing it.
I was so shocked and upset! I said 'I beg your pardon' and he said I should 'do something about it'. I asked him what he suggested and he said that was my job. Horrid man.

EldritchCleavage Sat 08-Jun-13 21:25:16

Never mind what we say about it. Think about why you said it, and why you didn't just apologise for it. It was odd, and unpleasant. Have you reacted like this before? Are you in a bad place?

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