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If you could not stand your PILs

(4 Posts)
PantsInWash Mon 27-May-13 15:55:03

I'm too chicken to put this in AIBU...

I simply don't like my PILs. I really, really, can't stand them. I find it very difficult to accept that this is how I feel. I find it hard to justify my feelings, and I need to find some sort of solution, or it's going to eat me up and turn me into a horrible person. I'm spending way too much emotional energy on it.

Originally we got on OK. But I'm really, really struggling even to be in the same room with them now. DH & I come from very different backgrounds (area, upbringing, family life, schooling, the works), & I think some of it is because I just don't understand how they can think like they do, or have the attitudes they have, or behave the way the do. It's not awful behaviour (apart from the closet racism), just very different from what I'm used to, the way we live our lives and the sort of upbringing I want for our DCs.

They are frequent visitors - each visit is 4 or 5 days, about 4-6 weeks apart. They live 4 hours away, so there's no option of popping in for a simple cup of tea. DH keeps saying that we need to have them to stay as they won't be around forever. But if we lived with the attitude of 'they might die tomorrow', we may as well move in with them

My biggest gripe is the apparent expectation that they can come whenever they choose, rather than waiting for an invite. This is in strong contrast to my DPs who would never invite themselves over, and are always concerned about putting us out. And when they come, it's always 'so, what have you got planned for us this weekend?'. Actually, I had planned on a quiet weekend with the kids, but I'm not going to get that, am I?

So, as I sit indoors, not even wanting to be in the garden in the sun, where PILs are sitting reading the Daily Mail and waiting for the next cup of tea, what would you do?

Grow up? Get a life? Live with it? I'm fully expecting a flaming here, and it might do me some good to get a different perspective.

Roastbeefandyorkshires Mon 27-May-13 16:37:20

I still have issues with my ILs but what I have found useful is to organise family outings in advance so you have a valid excuse to be unavailable. The more this happens the more they realise you are not at their beck and call.

Perhaps you could try to limit contact to every 2-3 months?

I think this type of situation puts an incredible amount of strain on your relationship with DH.

I hope things improve for you smile

Dontbugmemalone Mon 27-May-13 17:35:24

I can't really you any advice but I am almost in the same situation. Although DH's parents always expect us to drive over fours with 2 small DC to visit them. I hate being stuck there. Time stand still.

Yes, agree with Roastbeef- try and limit contact.
Can you pretend you or DC are ill or have other plans? Send DH with DC whilst you stay at home?

MummaBubba123 Wed 29-May-13 20:54:08

They'd drive me NUTS!
Can you create boundaries and get your partner on side? It's exhausting enough without The Invasion so regularly and for such a length of time.
Once every 3 months for a maximum of 2-3 nights. Anything more, find cheap, local-ish b&bs

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