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DH's ex is a chronic narcissist - HELP!

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Asteria Mon 13-May-13 18:12:16

Sorry - this is really long!!
I say DH but we get married in 6 weeks! Anyway, background: DH and his ex parted company a couple of years ago. He managed over a decade of emotional and verbal abuse from her, which is quite something. SHE divorced him after he suggested a separation, but knowing her compulsive lies and narcissistic tendencies he knew it would be quicker easier and far better for the children if he went with it - hoping that she might be happier and therefore kinder if he went quietly. She took literally everything but his clothes. She has continued to lie and manipulate every possible situation ever since. DH has moved house four times since the separation/divorce to be closer to his children, the last move was only in Dec and she has just announced that she is moving the children mid term to live with her new man. This would be fine if she hadn't done the same last year for another man (she also waited for DH to move before announcing she was going over 200 miles away)... We simply cannot move again as my DS is at a critical point in his education and it would be cruel to uproot him again with no guarantee that the old bag wouldn't move on to a new man next year!
DH's children are very sweet but clearly a mess from having such a dysfunctional mother. She feeds them an extraordinary amount of fast food and sits them in front of the tv for hours on end. Calls them stupid and useless to their faces. Scapegoats DS (5) and dresses DD (7) up like a hooker. The new boyfriend has 3 children and the ex now spends her time playing the perfect parent with the youngest (18 months) whilst the rest are left to either watch tv or entertain themselves. DD displays an increasingly worrying lack of empathy for anyone else (including my gorgeous dog whom she abused badly when they first met) and shuts down at even the mildest confrontation or reprimand. DS is reverting to very babyish behaviour (lots of hitting and noises rather than verbalisation) and also shows a lack of empathy for others. They are both quite brutal towards each other and I am finding it increasingly frustrating trying to patch them up emotionally before sending them back to their horrendous mother. They had made massive improvements from when I first met them last year, however they are reverting back since she started spending so much time playing happy families with her new man.
What do I do? I am feeling emotionally drained by how frustrating it all is.

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