I am sat here feeling ever so weepy and desperate and knowing in my head that what my heart wants isn't a good idea right now. But WWYD?
I have four children, aged 10 down to (almost) 4. I have CKD, although looking at my last blood tests this appears to be under control currently. I also have extremely high blood pressure which the GP is trying to bring down with ACE Inhibitors. My heart is desperate to have another baby. Hubby is unwilling at the moment because of my health concerns and not wanting to put any more pressure on me. He says he is not saying never, just not at the moment.
I, on the other hand, don't want to wait in case my Kidney disease deteriates. I am 29, and have always fallen pregnant pretty easily although I did have a lot (13) early (before 14 weeks) miscarriages, one before DC1 and the rest between DC1 and DC2. I love being a mum and feel I do a pretty good job with happy, healthy, intelligent children. My Renal specialist frightened me because she said I couldn't get pregnant on the medication I am on, but my GP said they could change my medication if I wanted to try for another baby.
I know some people will think I am being selfish, but being a mum is something I am good at and I always wanted a big family. My kidney function is fine at the moment but my worry is that if I leave it a couple of years it won't be. But then it could be fine for another 15/20 years. I am devastated. I know that at the moment my yearning for a baby is higher than it has been in years and yet I feel in my head it could be a mistake.
Sorry for the rambling post but I am such a mess. Hubby seems to think I can just snap out of it but over the last six months the yearning has got more and more. WWYD?