Ds (y1) punched in face, head butted & bitten by child in class(28 Posts)
Over the last 8 weeks my ds has been bitten on the hand, 'nutted' on the forehead and punched in the face by the same child in his class.
I have spoken to the teacher the day after every incident & she has assured me they are aware of his behaviour & he has a TA with him at all break / lunch times as he can't be left unsupervised.
My gripe is that these things have happened in the class during the working day.
It was raised by DH & myself at parents evening & we were told a close eye would be kept in the situation.
Yesterday the child tried to bite Ds again. Ds hadn't told teacher or TA so I had a quick word at the school dior this morning.
Tonight ds burst into tears when I gave him wrong desert. After a bit of coaxing it came out how sad he is at school - his actual words were I'm sad, angry & frustrated because of 'X'
We had an hour long chat to get it all out & I've said I'll speak to the head.
Should I just turn up at the school office in the morning & explain I need to see Head now .... Or would I be better emailing the school now?
Ds doesn't want to go in tomorrow & I really don't blame him.
I've asked ds everyday if there were any incidents today and he'd given no indication that it was affecting him so much. He seemed to brush it off saying its 'X' & he doesn't know how to behave properly!
In feeling like a crap mum right now and don't really know they to do for the best!
How old is he?
Ask for a meeting at the school.
This cannot carry on
Yes go in and speak to the head, your son shouldn't fear going to school I would just go in tomorrow and say you want a word. Write down all the incidents and write down what your son said and was feeling tonight.
Tbh if this is year 1 I would be starting to think about whether moving him would be a possibility.
Don't feel like a crap mum, you wouldn't be posting on here and worrying if you were a crap mum!!
If the child supposedly supervised closely it does make you wonder how he is still managing to hurt other kids.
My ds is going through something similar, every couple of days he comes home from school asking to be homeschooled because of a boy in his class.
Like the boy you mentioned, he has someone keeping an eye on him in the playground and sits at a special table in the classroom, but it still doesn't stop him.
I've brought it up numerous times with the school and they try, hes got a special reward system that rewards positive behaviour but in the eyes of my ds, this boy gets away with all the bad stuff, which makes him dislike him even more.
Now I just tell ds to leave him alone and just walk away if he comes over, not ideal I know, but better that than the bruises and scratches. Now i just have to deal with his mum who is wondering why her son doesn't get invited to parties anymore.
I've made notes of what ds said tonight & I've marked on calendar the incidents so will take all that info with me.
The boy in question only joined the school the last few weeks of reception. I'm loathe to think of moving my ds as he has known most of the class since preschool (age 2)
I know it's not just my ds that's been hurt by this child - ds's best friend was 'accidentally' head butted when the child tried to bite someone else who moved out the way causing said child to collide with ds's friend and cause a bump to his head. This was the same day he butted my ds.
I'm rubbish at confrontation & usually cry when trying to speak!
I'm off to think out what I need to say
Devon, it's fine.
You just make sure you point the finger at the school management and their ability to safeguard, and don't demonise the child with the issues.
The fault is in the supervision and the supports in place, not with the child in particular.
Make it about your child and their failure to safeguard him, not about child x.
This child has a reward / point system too but it seems to have not worked.
If it was a case of just being annoying that's understandable as we can't sll get on with everyone, but this child is hurting other children.
I'm sad they ds didn't feel he could tell me how sad this was making him - before he fell asleep he said 'mum, I feel much better for telling you'
Neverlateforwork - thanks that's what I was thinking. I don't want to go in ranting about the child as this wont achieve much.
I'm going to read the school policies to get my wording right, but yes ultimately I expect my child to be kept safe at school & they have z duty to provide that safety.
Again, what they are doing with the child is none of your business at all (and they have no right to discuss it with you). Your absolute concern when you speak to them is that YOUR child is not being safeguarded.
Plenty of kids need a lot of other parents to complain before they get the support they need. By actively realizing that this other kid (as well as your own) is being let down, you are doing him a huge favour.
He needs better support, and your child needs to feel safe at school.
Can your DH come with you to any meeting. I'm a weeper too, but always feel better when I've got backup!!
LunaticFringe I do that too will hand over a bit of paper to GP or whoever while I root in my bag for a tissue.
devonsmummy - note down your main points and a list of incidents and ask how they are going to safeguard your DS. If head isn't appalled at the idea of your child crying about how sad he is at school then I would think about moving him. I'd want head and teacher to be proactive about getting your DS enjoying school again and feeling safe.
We had a similar situation in our yr 3 class. We (a group of parents of the children being affected) kept on and on and on, kept a log of incidents, some parents went to visit other school to try and move their children (I believe the heads they visited contacted our head). We had meetings, one child was left with a black eye and the parents called the police (may seem a bit extreme - but you had to be there, it was horrible).
The school refused, refused, refused to do anything. Then all went quiet for a bit, then we found out the boy had been moved, with his one to one, to a special room on his own.
You'll just have to keep on. As others have said your child has a right to be safe.
Have made notes of incidents
Noted statements from the school behaviour policies ie. ensure a safe environment in which we can all work & play
Have a right to be happy, have fun & be safe.
Question the fact that the parents of the child causing the incidents get a letter home yet the parents of the child affected don't & are not always informed by school.
Noted what ds said tonight ie.feels sad, angry, frustrated. Feels sad everyday & sad that 'X' is hurting his friends. Etc
Ask what the school are going to do to ensure the safety & happiness of my ds and give me confidence to send him in?
If you feel weepy, try turning it into anger instead. What the hell is going on that allows this to continue! Feel the rage - show the school you find it totally unacceptable.
It's a new Head that started in January & I've not met her yet so that's making me extra nervous too
It's being angry that makes me cry, then I get cross for crying, I get angrier & cry more! Totally useless me
I think you are right to be angry the whole situation sounds like I is being mismanaged.
ALL of the children are being let down by the current set up. You don't need to know about the other child's provision or sanctions, school should not be sharing this information with you.
You do need to know that your child is safe at school.
You do need to know if there are ANY incidents during the chook day involving your son.
You do need them to undo some of the damage their negligence has caused and try to make your ds happier at school.
zzzzz of course not, I felt terrible for the boy, but he wasn't coping in the setting. Or the school wasn't coping.
It seems to me the school doesn't have the facilities to accommodate his needs, I know he had previously been moved from school to school. I do have some idea of the alternative and can understand why his mum wants to keep him in mainstream, but three children had to visit out of hours hospital in as many weeks.
I wish I had the solution, I really do, but sending my DC into that situation can't be it.
The "solution" is the cheapest option for the LA, sit child with sn in corridor or box room with untrained TA. It's called solitary with babysitter, not education. Would this be ok for any of the other children.
The assumption that his needs can't be met in school is just that, as is the assumption that his parents have any choice in this scenario.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.