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in this situation?

(108 Posts)
StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:40:49

It's my dad's significant birthday in a few weeks. Mum and dad have booked a restaurant near them for a big family party. DH and I went with them a number of years ago, and DH was quite ill afterwards, not been since. We didn't mention it to either them or the restarurant at the time, which I now regret.
DH says he's not going. Parents are a bit irritated. Is there any compromise here?

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 19:43:23


Your husband should go the party.

I presume he is blaming his "illness" on the food at that particular restaurant ?

Well, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't

But this isn't his choice

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 14-Apr-13 19:44:22

Has it changed ownership since then? It was a number of years ago, his reluctance to go is understandable but they will have different management/chef/staff/hygiene by now.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 14-Apr-13 19:44:29

Yes. He can pick something like pasta and tomato sauce if he's worried.

May well be different management, chef etc anyway.

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:45:03

Well he is, and he backs it up by the fact that the toilet he visited was in a grim state from someone who had also been ill sad
Why isn't it his choice though?
(Although I do agree and tbh am irritated at being in the middle, having to placate him, and deal with my mum's irritation)

AuntieStella Sun 14-Apr-13 19:45:05

No, and your DH is being an arse if he's connecting an illness to a specific establishment unless it was actually investigated and shown to be the place of infection. It could have been anything else he ate or touched in a 48 hour or so window.

And as the event was years ago, the staff would all have changed anyhow.

So he's making feeble excuses. Any ideas why?

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:45:19

No, not changed ownership

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 19:46:51

spb, wwid ?

I would tell my H to suck it up

it's one night, a special occasion

I would say "look dude, it's actually not about you ..."

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:46:56

Auntie, they may sound like feeble excuses but tbh this is why. He is always bloody ill. But in his defence he doesn't make excuses to get out of seeing family - his or mine, and he genuinely likes my parents and spending time with them. But once he has something like this in his head he will not be reasoned with.

HoneyDragon Sun 14-Apr-13 19:47:12

Have you told your parents why he is reluctant to go?

Does he not care that his resal to attend is upsetting EVERYBODY else?

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:47:24

AF and he'd counter that with "well so you're happy for me/us all to get ill again?"

HoneyDragon Sun 14-Apr-13 19:47:50

Refusal, sorry.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 19:48:08

spb, I would reply with "get a fucking grip" tbqh

JammySplodger Sun 14-Apr-13 19:48:30

Can you go for a meal, or even just a drink, to check it out - he could order something cheap and if he doesn't like the look of it, leave it and just get a bag of chips on the way home.

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 19:49:54

and wasn't it just him that got ill last time ?

and he has form for being a hypochondriac, "getting ill" quite often ?

the other "compromise" I suppose is for you to refuse to discuss it any further

you and dc's are going, he can choose to swerve it if he likes

but you will make it clear you will be telling people it's because he is acting like a baby

lastnightidreamt Sun 14-Apr-13 19:51:08

If the person who had made the mess in the loo had been poisoned there, it would have been a pretty quick reaction!

Isn't it more likely he picked up the bug from the loo and it was a one-off?

Look on trip advisor to reassure him it's not a common occurrence.

I think he should just go.

Floggingmolly Sun 14-Apr-13 19:51:10

It was a couple of years ago. If they poisoned people on a regular basis they'd have been closed down by now.

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 19:51:34

tbh he probably will go
and it will be shit for me

TippiShagpile Sun 14-Apr-13 19:54:13

If he's always getting ill (grrr...) then he'll get ill whether he goes or not.

He can choose the veggie option and wash his hands after he goes to the loo (and take along some anti bacteria gel) and that will cut down the risk of him being ill.

He has to get over this I'm afraid or he'll ruin things for your parents (and you)

AnyFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 19:57:57

he will moan all the way through the evening ?

spoiling it for you

in that case, I suggest you follow the approach I outlined in my last post

tell him not to bother, go yourself and have a lovely time

but make sure your family know what a dick he is being

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 20:05:03

No he won't moan. But my family will know he doesn't want to be there iykwim. And I will feel guilty if he so much as burps in the following week. His parents are going - ill let him explain to them why he's not there.
My poor dad has been through so much recently. Ill be there with the kids and with a load of balloons.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 14-Apr-13 20:05:15

Have you tried looking at the Foods Standards Agency website to see what star rating their kitchens have? Here

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 20:06:48

"and he has form for being a hypochondriac, "getting ill" quite often ?"

Huh. Don't even know where to start with this one.
Thank you all for being nice to me, I was worried I was going to get flamed.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 14-Apr-13 20:07:02

If he genuinely believes it's a dangerous place to eat, why hasn't he suggested a change of venue for everyone's sake?

StealthPolarBear Sun 14-Apr-13 20:07:39

Hell I don't thi k he'd let evidence get in the way of his single piece of anecdotal evidence

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