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Right man, wrong place.

(6 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 09-Apr-13 08:05:10

I have been in my hometown since dd was born. I came back as I fell pregnant and my ex left. My parents helped me. If it wasn't for pregnancy I would have stayed away tbh. Nice little town but deathly dull and conservative. A bit of a goldfish bowl and not many opportunities, especially for the young people. . I decided I wanted to wait another two years before moving so that dd can finish infants school and be a bit more robust.
I have always dreamed of living in London. Recently met an amazing guy. Just wonderful. I'm in love. Trouble is he kind of has to stay in this area for the next 16-18 years until his kids grow up as he is a very involved dad. I love this about him but I am worried that I will end up feeling trapped if we have to stay in this area for that long.
I think if I hadn't grown up here and found it so dull then I wouldn't mind staying but I do have baggage here. I have no intention of leaving this man to go to the city any time soon. I just need reassurance. Is anywhere living somewhere they don't really like because of their other half and does it really matter? I know that deep down loved ones really matter. I think I'm just mourning the idea of having the 'exciting' city life that I never had which probably wouldn't be that exciting if I was a single mum in Lodon rather than a young girl!
Actually I don't hate it here; it is really lovely. I think I just need to accept that my options are more limited now I have kids. I also know that for me a strong family unit is more important to me than living an exciting 'single' life.

JammySplodger Tue 09-Apr-13 09:52:47

That's a tricky one - the lovely man element does make it that bit more complicated.

I'd otherwise have said go for it, we moved from a quite, harmless but dull as dishwater town to a big city and have never looked back. It wasn't home town to either DH or I but we'd been there seven years.

I'd also say - without wanting to put on any pressure - kids tend to move better when they're younger.

Is there a potential compromise at all? Somewhere slightly more exciting nearby but not as big as London?

Toasttoppers Wed 10-Apr-13 09:37:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 11-Apr-13 08:38:41

Thanks for the kind replies. I think this has come up as my lovely man took me for a weekend break to London and we had an amazing time. I wouldn't mind staying in this area for the next 5 years but 10 or 18 years would feel like a life sentence. But then the relationship is in its early days so the plan is to give it a year and see how I feel. I don't know if I should raise the issue with him or if it would ruin things. trouble is one of my aims in life is to settle down and I love his kids. This dream seems to be at odds with my London dream. I really don't want anyone else atm.
Trouble is most oof my friends got London out of their system when they were younger and have come back here to have kids. I unfortunately met my shite ex here who was dead against city lifev...I moved away to go to uni but he manipulated me back. It just makes me feel like I never spread my wings properly; they were clipped. There are quite a few round here who are very anti-city and I don't want dd to fall prey to that. I would like to add that my lovely new man likes cities and would move away if he could but loves his kids so will stay....which is one reason why I love him so much!

superstarheartbreaker Thu 11-Apr-13 08:39:12

I also fee that if I am going to live in any city it might as well be's world class.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 11-Apr-13 08:42:06

And yes Toasttoppers , anonymity is important along with cultural diversity, opportunity, multiculturalism and just a general feeling of being somewhere that 'counts' ...Hope that dosn't sound snobby.

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