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5 year old (very naughty) boy was smacked by another parent at a party...WWYD?

(58 Posts)
ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:26:46

I was at a party at the weekend and there was a boy there, age 5, who was whacking everyone with an inflatable sword. I mean absolutely WHACKING the other kids, many smaller than him and also girls. He was making many of them cry because of his behaviour. This boy is in my sons class at school and he is constantly in trouble, I've seen him push kids over in the playground, throw stones at people etc.

His mum or dad weren't at the party, the mum dropped him off and left. The parent of the birthday boy finally had enough of the boys behaviour and after he whacked yet another person in the face and made them cry, he went over and smacked him on the bottom. Me and another women saw it and we just looked at each other and pretended we hadn't seen it. It wasn't a hard smack and TBH I don't think the parent was particularly out of order given what the boy was doing. Although I wouldn't have smacked him but would have had some very stern words instead. The boy didn't seem too bothered about the smack.

I think the wee boy needs far more discipline given his behaviour but I was also a bit shock to see another parent (who didn't know him) smack him at the party.

WWYD in such a situation?

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sat 02-Mar-13 06:52:38

My son is extremely "boisterous", he's awaiting a statement and tbh I would Never in a million years allow him to be left unattended . I can imagine the fall out . This said I would be livid if someone raised a finger to him. In places and times like these children do run riot but all is needed is a bit of down time away from all the chaos and the child would be fine I'm sure. With a phone call to suggest parents coming to watch him.

I wouldnt like to be that parent when Mum or Dad of the boy find out ....

secretscwirrels Tue 26-Feb-13 15:37:41

Oh five year old boys and swords??
I used to hide anything remotely sword like before visits from other children let alone parties.

DeadlyLittleMiho Tue 26-Feb-13 15:33:15

its just pointless to teach a child that its bad to smack by smacking them! that just doesnt make sense. adults only smack kids cos they have lost control of the situation and I makes them feel better. so I'd have been really annoyed to see that happen. they have no right. I'd have taken the sword away the first time he hit someone. also, I don't see this as him being on any spectrum. some kids are naughty and need parenting and that's alls there is to it.

choceyes Tue 26-Feb-13 11:28:41

Totally unacceptable behaviour by the party parent IMO, even if it was a light tap on the bum. I have smacked my DS a couple of times in uncontrollable anger when I've totally lost it and deeply regretted it the very next second, so I can understand that kind of anger that leads to a smack, but I couldn't get that angry in this kind of situation when it's not my child and there are other parents to also help out. He could have dealt with it so many other ways.
I would be very shocked if somebody smacked by DCs like that.

ilikeyoursleeves Tue 26-Feb-13 11:02:57

Yes, I've seen The Slap and that's the first thing I thought of! Though it wasn't a slap, it was a light tap on the bum, but still.

greencolorpack Mon 25-Feb-13 22:34:27

This is the plot of "The Slap"... Doesn't anyone else think so?

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 25-Feb-13 22:33:47

And of course the parent was completely out of order!! (Is this a reverse AIBU?)

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Mon 25-Feb-13 22:33:12

I'd certainly not go to a party organised by the same hosts again!

Hulababy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:32:16

I don't agree with hitting children, regardless, so would be cross.
There are, imo, far more effective ways to discipline a child - smacking, again imo, is not necessary.

Not sure how you can justify hitting a child for hitting other children tbh???

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:29:04

A lot of kids were a bit wild on the bouncy castle but that was from bouncing, this kid was the only one who was deliberately hurting others.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:25:55

It may not be child abuse, One hand, but it is assault.

From the OP's last post, it sounds as if this boy wasn't the only on e who was out of control. The fault lies at the door of the adults who didn't think carefully enough about the practicalities of hosting a children's party.

The hosts created the opportunity for children to go wild. Then they decided to hit the child who really took them up on it.

OneHandFlapping Mon 25-Feb-13 22:18:30

I would have privately cheered the parent who dished out the smack.

A humiliating swipe on the bum is not tantamount to child abuse, and it sounds like this out of control little horror needed it.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:16:02

Given your last post, OP, I think it was a very badly thought out party. Typical casew of parents wanting to please the children without thinking through how children would behave in this situation.

I would have made my excuses and left very soon after it started!

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:13:49

OP, are you wanting to canvass opinions on the host's behaviour, or on what we would have done in your position?

Had I been at that party as a parent of a child who'd been invited, I would have stepped in straight away to remove the sword from the boy, and engaged him in another activity, or 'helping', given that the hosts weren't doing so.

Had I been the host of the party, I would have had plenty of games to play so that the children weren't left too much to their own devices. I would also have collected contact details for all parents who dropped and left, and made it clear that the party was for invited children only, so the brother would not have been there in the first place.

If you are asking what we would do now, given that this has all happened, then I would chalk it up to experience, and take notes of all the mistakes made by these parents, so that you I didn't find myself in that position in the future! It is up to the mother of the asaulted boy to figure out what she should do, if her son tells her what happened.

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:13:46

Actually tbh the party was utterly crazy. Big bouncy castle, kids jumping on top of each other etc, to the point I took my boys off it after one got his head jumped on by a bigger kid!

I wasn't originally going to stay but I decided to cos it was pretty chaotic!

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 22:11:01

The little brother goes to nursery with the birthday boy. The mum seems to take both boys to various parties that the other boy is invited to, and leaves them both. I can only assume the hosts knew both boys were coming but don't know the boys well, only from the younger one going to nursery.

FabulousFreaks Mon 25-Feb-13 22:06:29

I said the parents of the birthday child were horrendous not the party. I wasn't at the party, who knows how horrendous it was or wasn't. But I do believe parents who just let in a bunch of kids and have no contact numbers and resolve issues with violence are indeed horrendous, revolting and disgusting. Hope that clears that one up for you ClaudiaSchif. And fwiw dealing with violent behaviour with yet more violence is hardly very effective now is it?

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:04:27

grin at Merry Not often I'm not the most sweary one wink.

CarlingBlackMabel Mon 25-Feb-13 22:03:43

However busy the parents were, however badly behaved the child, however absent the child's mother (parent!) none of it excuses hitting someone else's child. The party Dad was 100% inexcusably wrong.

Kewcumber Mon 25-Feb-13 22:03:13

who has a 5 yr old they don't know at a big party without any contact phone number, doesn't intervene when the child starts behaving very badly but instead goes straight for a firm slap. both sets of parents sound every bit as badly behaved as the child. Did anyone slap them? it might have done more good.

ClaudiaSchiffer Mon 25-Feb-13 22:02:40

Of ffs there was one naughty boy FabulousFreaks, it was hardly a horrendous party. Way to overreact.

FWIW I would like to think I would remove the naughty boy, until he was able to play without beating up the others but frankly I think it sounds like he deserved a smack.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 22:02:12

To be honest, it sounds as though the party was not very well thought through any way...'blanklet invites' where siblings are allowed to come along without their parents, and without anyone knowing them...a tub of twenty swords 'provided', which most children 'used appropriately' parents rushing around sorting out the food, whislt the children played with toy swords.

It sounds like a recipe for diaster to be honest. There's a reason why children's parties traditionally had organised games and a small guest list, and this type of fiasco is that reason!
Little children like to be organised and told what to do. They need to know what the boundaries are and what is expected of them. They need to feel that the adults around them are able to keep them safe.

The party was badly organised, and the host parent behaved inappropriately, IMO.

MerryCouthyMows Mon 25-Feb-13 22:01:34

In glad amistillsexy posted something along the lines of what I was going to post although FAR less sweary.

FabulousFreaks Mon 25-Feb-13 21:56:13

They are doubly irresponsible by first laying their hands on the child and secondly not having contact numbers. What is there was an accident. These birthday parents sound horrendous, why would you ever want to associate with them again?

5madthings Mon 25-Feb-13 21:54:02

If they didnt know who.he was why did they let him in/let left?!

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