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5 year old (very naughty) boy was smacked by another parent at a party...WWYD?

(58 Posts)
ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:26:46

I was at a party at the weekend and there was a boy there, age 5, who was whacking everyone with an inflatable sword. I mean absolutely WHACKING the other kids, many smaller than him and also girls. He was making many of them cry because of his behaviour. This boy is in my sons class at school and he is constantly in trouble, I've seen him push kids over in the playground, throw stones at people etc.

His mum or dad weren't at the party, the mum dropped him off and left. The parent of the birthday boy finally had enough of the boys behaviour and after he whacked yet another person in the face and made them cry, he went over and smacked him on the bottom. Me and another women saw it and we just looked at each other and pretended we hadn't seen it. It wasn't a hard smack and TBH I don't think the parent was particularly out of order given what the boy was doing. Although I wouldn't have smacked him but would have had some very stern words instead. The boy didn't seem too bothered about the smack.

I think the wee boy needs far more discipline given his behaviour but I was also a bit shock to see another parent (who didn't know him) smack him at the party.

WWYD in such a situation?

QOD Mon 25-Feb-13 21:30:34



Feel secretly pleased probably whilst knowing it was well out of order ...

amothersplaceisinthewrong Mon 25-Feb-13 21:31:09

I would have removed the sword from the child the MINUTE he whacked someone. And not given it back. Any more naughtiness and I would have removed said child from the party and put him in isolation.

SOunds like he might be on the ADD spectrum. He probably won't get invited to any more parties. No doubt his Mother and father were glad of a break from him while he was at the party.

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Mon 25-Feb-13 21:34:37

Jesus no! Smacking a child wtf,never mind someone elses. Wrong,wrong,wrong.

Why did he not remove the sword?

chicaguapa Mon 25-Feb-13 21:35:23

I would have taken him out of the party tbh. And put him somewhere away from the children. I wouldn't have smacked him, even if I'd wanted to.

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 25-Feb-13 21:36:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:36:35

He is at every class party and is a nightmare! The difficulty was that I think no one wanted to be the one to take the sword off him, put him in isolation etc given he wasn't their child iykwim. The mum must know what he's like but she went home to do housework hmm

MrsBradleyJames Mon 25-Feb-13 21:37:05

He was wrong to smack, no question. The host of the party has to assume responsibility for the child if the parent leaves so it was up to her ultimately I think.
This is why I only once had that type of party for ds! I dont want that kind of resoonsibility and hard work!!!

Bluelightsandsirens Mon 25-Feb-13 21:37:10

No way! My DD2 is a little whirlwind to say the least so I wouldn't feel comfortable or fair to not stay with her but no way would I expect some one else to smack her arse in my absence.

amistillsexy Mon 25-Feb-13 21:38:25

SOunds like he might be on the ADD spectrum.

When is this sort of comment going to stop?
Naughty behaviour does NOT equal ASD/ADD. It equals naughtty behaviour. The child was being naughty. He was over excited and undisciplined. This could be due to many different factors, not just a neurological condition.

My son is 'on the ASD spectrum'. He went to aprty at the weekend, and managed not to wack anyone with a sword.

Op, why didn't any of the other adults at the party intervene and try to manage this little boy's behaviour before it became so bad the hostess was driven to hitting him?

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:39:45

There were swords everywhere though as it was a pirate party and there was a tub of about 20 swords for all the kids to play with. All were playing with them appropriately apart from this boy. Not sure if anyone had already confiscated his sword and he took another? The party was in a big church hall and kids everywhere.

AgentProvocateur Mon 25-Feb-13 21:39:51

Have any of you read The Slap? The premise is that a fed-up adult slaps a naughty child....

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Feb-13 21:41:07

Why on earth not do as others suggested, remove the sword, calm the child, remove him from the party, phone his mother?
All better choices that going from ignoring the behaviour to smacking him. Which is never acceptable.

NippyDrips Mon 25-Feb-13 21:42:08

I would be furious if anyone smacked one of my dc. Host mum should have removed the sword, put child into.isolation and rung the child's mother to collect the child.

Having said that, the parents should never have left the party if they knew their child was less than well behaved.

LadyKinbote Mon 25-Feb-13 21:42:29

Totally out of order. No excuse for an adult to hit a child.

ilikeyoursleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 21:42:41

People did tell him to stop hitting the kids but they were there to watch their own kids so obviously couldn't keep following the boy around to make sure he behaved himself. I was there with 2 of my older kids plus baby so couldn't intervene as I was feeding baby etc.

TallyGrenshall Mon 25-Feb-13 21:42:50

'The difficulty was that I think no one wanted to be the one to take the sword off him, put him in isolation etc given he wasn't their child iykwim'

So eventually somebody decided to smack him even though he wasn't their child instead?! hmm

Wrong on so many levels.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Feb-13 21:43:19

Missed the idiotic comment about ADD. I've taught a lot of naughty little people whose only problem was lack of boundaries and consistency ion their lives, and too many adults looking the other way instead of explaining and dealing with situations.

DeafLeopard Mon 25-Feb-13 21:43:59

Totally agree with what nebulous said. I don't smack my own children, I wouldn't smack someone elses and if someone smacked my child I would go ballistic.

That said if I knew my child was likely to be naughty, I would have stayed at the party to deal with his behaviour.

CarlingBlackMabel Mon 25-Feb-13 21:44:00

Really difficult.

I thnk I would have tried to find a way to say to the Dad 'You need to tell his parents that you smacked him, and why, before he does'. Witnessing an adult hitting a child? Being a party host doesn't entitle you to do that. If it was a child I knew well, and knew the parent, I would probably feel extremely protective and challenge him right away. If that happened to my child at a party I would want to know.

Suppose any of us saw a parent helper on a school trip do that? We'd be outraged.

CharlieBlanche Mon 25-Feb-13 21:45:07

So the adult taught the child not to hit other people by er.. Hitting him?

This is not a difficult situation to handle:
Remove sword
Speak to boy re consequences.
If poor behaviour continues call parents to remove.

OnlyWantsOne Mon 25-Feb-13 21:45:17

TBH I have been at parties where parents of very naughty children have dumped their kids and gone home leaving me to gaurd the birthday cake from being smashed & clearing up food thrown by their children and dealing with other children that have been hurt by the naughty ones.

I have NEVER considored smacking or physically assaulting these children in their parents absence. I have removed naughty children and given appropriate warnings etc.

IMO I think snacking some ones child is completely wrong.

Jibberoo Mon 25-Feb-13 21:45:38

Why wasn't parent called and asked to come back and handle their child. Fwiw I think smack was acceptable under said circumstances (other children being hurt) but agree sword should have been taken away, isolation, parent called all before needing to resort to smacking to calm child down (though sounds like it was fruitless).
I think parent was out of order leaving a child line that alone at party and they deserve a smack too wink

OnlyWantsOne Mon 25-Feb-13 21:46:09

I also think that the parents should be spoken to.

CarlingBlackMabel Mon 25-Feb-13 21:46:37

Actually, it was a collective failure of all the adults who witnessed his havoc with the sword. It should have been removed very early on, in a nice way.

I banned swords at my DCs pirate parties. Small children hit people with toy swords. It's obvious.

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