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I don't understand why my friends are doing this, should I say something or keep quiet?

(8 Posts)
mummytowillow Fri 01-Feb-13 22:52:44

I have two friends, they are sisters, I've been friends with them since we were born. Our mums are very close friends, and we grew up together.

I've always been closer with one sister than the other, and class her as my best friend. There are no issues with this with the other sister, and they were both bridesmaids for me. I lived some distance from them, but always visited them when I came home.

I split up with my husband and moved back to my home area three years ago. We saw a lot of each other initially, and I will admit I was very upset with the split and did rely on them to talk to moan at

Over the last year all the contact has come from me, they don't visit me (live only 2 miles away), rarely phone and its me that has to see them. They know I don't get out often, yet never ask me to do anything.

I've found out recently through the awful Facebook, my best friend had a party for her son's 18th birthday, invited other friends but not me. They have also had other get togethers, and again haven't invited me, where as I always used to be invited previously.

Tonight I've been on Facebook and seen a post about 'a long needed girly catch up', she has tagged other friends who are out with them and these are all friends we used to go out with when we were younger, I was part of this group and we used to have a ball!

I'm so hurt, to the point I've shed a few tears, dramatic I know why wouldn't they invite me, I could have got a sitter but they didn't ask me? I just don't get why they have gone cold on me, I know for a fact I have done nothing to upset either of them.

I live close to their mum, I call in to see her as I know she gets lonely, she had an op and I took her favourite M&S goodies round (I work for them). When its their children's birthday, I call down to see them with presents etc, yet they don't for my daughter, they just leave the present with their mum. They even phoned me on my birthday and said they couldn't call as they had to go somewhere else.

I think I'm a loyal friend and my friends are important to me. So should I put up and shut up, or ask them about it, I'm just worried it will end up in a row and make things awkward for our mums?

Just read this back and it sounds really moany and needy, sorry!

Heartstart Fri 01-Feb-13 23:05:07

Sounds rotten for you. I would arrange to see BF and speak to her calmly about it, it may be something or not but if you don't know it will drain you. It should nt effect your relationship with their Mum if it hasn't so far.

scratchandsniff Sun 03-Feb-13 12:00:50

I don't think you sound moany or needy. It's very upsetting when you feel a friend/s are distancing themselves, and when you find out they've not included you in things. Some people are just crap at keeping in touch. However, the fact that they've not included you in things does suggest that something is amiss. Perhaps try and arrange a get together, and if they make excuses then say something.

MrsWolowitzerables Sun 03-Feb-13 12:03:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 12:07:33

Oh, i really feel for you - i don't know what to suggest but a new circle of friends can only be a healthy thing. Im not saying you should ditch the friends but i would definately say something along the lines of "oh, i should have liked to come along" Could it be that they didn't organise these nights out themselves and whoever did organise them didn't think to ask you?

You definately not needy, id be upset too.

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 16:26:09

I wouldn't want anything more to do with someone who treated me like this. I wouldn't ignore them, but I wouldn't seek them out, either.

I'm one of the few on FB and count myself very lucky I don't have to witness this kind of exclusion. Maybe stop using it for a while or block them?

freddiemisagreatshag Sat 16-Feb-13 16:32:05

I think this is one of those friendships that has run it's course and that you see this as a more important friendship than they do. I'd back off and see if you can find some new friends.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 19-Feb-13 22:59:46

You mention you live two miles away, do your DCs go to different schools? I don't know how old your DD is but I found that when DCs start school there is usually a surge towards new friends, mums they meet in the playground, new contacts.

Or when DCs start pre-school or school, the parents have more free time so if they haven't already, they look at part or full time work, or just find new things to occupy their time.
So it could easily not be you, just circumstances over the past year or so.

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