Oh Help! there may not be a second chance...(sorry - long explanation)(2 Posts)
the back story is:
When I was 26 I got told that I had a half-sister (due to my Dad) I had grown up as friends with her, never knowing the truth, just she was someone I played with as a kid. We lost touch as friends during our teens. By the time I was told, she'd moved to Australia. So then we started keeping in touch, on and off as penpals (internet was fledgling then) and 4 years ago she and her family came over and we met up. The whole situation has never been mentioned really, just one of those family "secrets" that never gets discussed, so we chat just like friends, not sisters. During her visit, dad came over, and I think she appreciated that (I was worried it could have been awkward but it was ok) She is coming again this weekend during a 3 week visit to the UK.
In the meantime, Dad's health has deteriorated somewhat. Last week he went to the doctors as he is losing weight. They referred him for an immediate chest X-ray (he smokes) and also a CT scan, which hasn't happened yet - it got cancelled due to the snow. Also, his doctor turned up at his house uninvited and listened to his chest. He returned the next day with the consultant and they both listened to his chest. So nothing has been diagnosed, but being realistic, there could be a very serious reason for this weightloss, given the doctor's unexpected concern. I am facing the fact that I might discover that my dad is very ill (he is 79 and single)
So my WWYD is: do I tell my half-sister that dad could be ill and if she does want to visit now might be the best time? Or do I not, because we are a useless family at dealing with this difficult issue and have skirted round it for so damn long that no-one really knows what to say?
BTW I have another sister, she is 10 years older than me and lives abroad but not far. She knows dad is not well, but has no relationship with our half-sister at all.
Sorry so long.....
I think honestly you have to tell her imagine being in her situation and never getting to close that door and say goodbye maybe get some questions answered you'd resent the people that never told you. So tell her leave the ball in her court and let her make her mind up but don't deny her the right to say goodbye to the man who is her biological father.
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