Advanced search

Big dilemma - another child?

(1 Post)
butterflyroom Wed 16-Jan-13 22:25:13

Five years ago I was married, pregnant and looking forward to starting a family - only it didn't quite turn out like that....

Very shortly after DS (nearly 5)was born, he became very ill and still has ongoing medication to ensure he doesn't become ill now. He was in and out of hospital which was very very difficult. Our marriage wasn't cut out for the additional stress and my (Ex) DH ended up having an affair. We split up when DS was one and times were hard. Looking back now I am sure that I also had PND. Other stresses dodn't help including a traumatic birth leading to an emergency CS under general anaesthetic and unsupportive health visitors who pressured me to pursue BF when I never got enough milk coming through.

Anyway, I got through the hard times, worked hard to forge an amicable realtionship with ex (he sees DS once a week) and after a year and a half met a lovely man.

When we first got together I made it pretty clear that I wasn't really looking for marriage and more children but after 2 1/2 years together I could still take or leave marriage but another child is consuming my thoughts! My OH has never been married and has no children of his own

Here's why it would be a bad idea -
My OH is very very undecided. He says he would probably like children (although he adores my DS and plays an active role in his life) but I'm nearly 38! I can't hang on much longer and don't really want to.

I work full time and additional childcare costs would really stretch us financially. There is no way I could go to part time. It wouldn't be viable. Thankfully I don't work late into the evening and don't work weekends although I wish I could work part time.

My OH on the other hand, works 3 on 3 off. When he's at work I'd have work and both the children on my own until 10pm each night. Now I know single parents do it and I was a single parent with a baby for a while myself but I'm apprehensive about the difference between balancing the needs of one and two children.

I'm scared of PND returning.

My DS is used to be an only. I'm apprehensive about the effect a sibling might have - sharing my time and less attention for him.

The positives -

Hard to say. Why can't I stop thinking about it??
My DS might benefit from a sibling.
I want a positive experience of having and raising a baby (loving raising my son but didn't feel that way when he was a baby)

Sorry for the long post. Not really sure what I'm asking, thought this might help me clarify my thoughts and I value the opinions of mumnetters wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now