Had enough of my dad bullying my son!(6 Posts)
We went up to visit my dad, step mum & nan yesterday (new years day) and my three children were looking forward to it as they always do.
My dad is very short tempered with my youngest son who is 6. He's fine with the other two but they are very compliant and will sit and read/play games quietly. My youngest is autistic - not severe but enough that he won't just happily sit in the background quietly.
As I was growing up I noticed he was like this with my brother and some cousins and gives no leeway.
Yesterday we had been there not even 10 minutes before he had had his first go at my son because he had got over excited at some presents that were there for him and fell on the floor. DS really doesn't really take it in that he has been shouted at so it doesn't appear to worry him.
Later I noticed that DS was trying to show grandad his new remote control car and he just blanked him and didn't even try and engage in conversation with him.
Then a bit later on I was in the kitchen and ds was in the living room with my dp and rest of the family and all of a sudden I heard my dad shout at him really violently because ds had leant on his bad knees (obviously by accident - he's only a little 6) but think my dad was at this point so intolerant of him he was ready to let rip at anything.
At that point we quickly made our excuses and left with ds being taken out to the car without even saying goodbye to anyone.
On the way home dp also told me he had seen my dad grab my son by the back of his neck and hair to tell him off and dp was fuming then.
I've thought about this loads since getting home and dp says he's not taking ds there again and I agree now.
This has happened the last 4/5 times we've gone up there and it's not fair on ds, or anybody else even to see him like that with him. Ds is so lovely and sweet but hard work we know, but shouting doesn't work with him.
He is still like it with my 14 year old cousin so know this will carry on. When we first got there my nan told me not to take it to heart that my dad was like that with him but its heartbreaking actually.
I agree you shouldn't take the kids back there, your son doesn't need someone being aggressive with him.
I would call your dad and explain you and dp feel that since he can't control himself or act civilly to your son you won't have him in his company. Explain ds's condition has a lot to do with his behaviours and he should remember that instead of loosing his temper. However if he's a bully to other this may not matter but I could not let it go.
Tell your dad that you won't be visiting again because he has physically assaulted your 6 year old child and you are considering whether you need to take it to the police. Grabbing a child by the back of his neck is dangerous.
It's a shame your DP saw the need to cut ties with this bully before you did, this has happened 4 or 5 times already?
I have a son with AS, anyone who can't be civil and treat him appropriately is out of his life. I've never asked for full-on fawning and adoration, just a bit of tolerance and no aggression or nasty comments. It is the least your son should be getting, and he deserves much more.
Your nan told you not to take it to heart? This is your son, how can you not?
Listen to your DP if you can't listen to your heart, and consider whether you want your children, all of them, exposed to a short temper and aggressive actions.
If my father grabbed my child, I would knock 7 bells out of him, dad or not.
Previously it was just short tempered annoyance - never anything physical otherwise we would have thought this a long time ago.
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