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How to deal with SIL..

(13 Posts)
jjsmomma Sun 30-Dec-12 18:28:41

I need some advice on how to deal with my sister in law let me start from beginning of the shall we say friction?

Firstly we are young parents 19 and 21, we both have full time jobs and rent a house.

We left it until I was16 weeks pregnant to tell OH
'S family we were expecting as they are difficult people. When we told SIL she cried, she is 25, because she wanted the first grandchild, it was in her plan, we ruined her plan and we better not have a girl. Then for the nex,t day or 2 OH received texts saying we couldn't provide for our child, what were we going to do when its crying, what about when its sick, its not a toy can't put it in toy box, we should abort our baby. Followed by statuses on fb been up all night being sick am I only one with sense? We had done it wrong way not married don't own a house (like her)

Then when I had 20 week scan and told her it was a boy she sent just a smile back because it wasn'ta girl.

Through out my whole pregnancy she didn't want to know and when she would come over or be at family gatherings she didn't want to talk about baby or what we had got, how I was doing.
She expressed she hated the name we had chosen.

When I had our son she was all over him coming over a few times a week 1 month after the arrival of our son she gets pregnant and hardly ever comes to see her nephew because she is now pregnant before she would come over because we had something she wanted. now all it is about is her pregnancy and baby names and how big she is (she isnt) the way she is going on about sickness which wasn't as bad as she made out and general pregnancy complaints you would think she was about to drop not 23 weeks pregnant!

We found out sex of our baby so she didn't
I tried to bf but due to complications I was away from my son for hrs and tried to bf but he wouldn't latch on when he did would latch back off after a few sucks, it got to the point where I was having to have milk syringed off of my nipples to feed him. Mw even checked to see if he was capable of sucking. anyways she didn't want to bf found though/idea wrong and disgusting now she wants to bf
I have returned to work after 7 months mat leave she was going to have 10 months now has decided not going back to work despite fact she has Said husbands wage can't cover all bills etc
She makes eww, urgh noises or whats that disgusting/ nasty thing when my son has a dummy, he only has it when he needs it.
She says behind my back that I shouldn't feed my son this that and the other. He is 6mo and has fruit and veg purees!!!
She said she couldn't find mat clothes anywhere so I bought her some and then she could give me money for what she wanted and return what she didn't want to the shop. I also gave her some new grows for baby. She didn't even bother to say thanks
I bought some body shop cocoa butter body butter and shower cream for stretch marks and body shop peppermint spray for feet for Christmas, the look on her face said it all- not impressed.

I am at my wits end and can't take much more. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy because of her, she makes uneeded comments about our parenting decisions etc

For other halfs sake I keep tight lipped as he hates confrontation but I have had.more than enough of her!

Any ideas on how I can approach/deal with this?

tribpot Sun 30-Dec-12 18:31:45

You sound like you are bending over backwards to make her like you. WHY? She sounds awful.

As she is your dp's problem, but he prefers not to confront, I would just avoid her as much as you can. You said she hardly ever comes over now anyway? Good good, keep it that way.

jjsmomma Sun 30-Dec-12 18:36:08

I guess i was trying to be the better person and not be vile like she was/is to me. I will definitely keep visits to a minimum x

whattodoo Sun 30-Dec-12 18:36:34

I'd keep my distance as much as possible.

Bring up your DS your way and let her do it her way.

When het baby arrives, she'll probably be too busy to interfere in your methods.

timidviper Sun 30-Dec-12 18:37:40

It is hard to accept the fact that there are some people you just can't win with, she sounds like one of them. I think the best thing is to keep a bit of distance between you and just be yourself. You cannot allow this woman to have you jumping through hoops as, in the long run, it will make you miserable.

I had many years of this with MIL, now I just do my own thing and don't get drawn in by her. Life is much easier now than when I tried to please her.

RyleDup Sun 30-Dec-12 18:39:13

I think you get to a point in life when the im

tribpot Sun 30-Dec-12 18:41:30

You don't have to be vile to her but you have no need to be nice to her, either. All you're doing is stressing yourself out on someone who quite clearly doesn't deserve your kindness.

Tortington Sun 30-Dec-12 18:43:55

step away from the inlaws.

change your mobile number and only get messages through your dh - let him do 'evil bitch filter'

you are too busy for anyone to just drop in - she needs to text before hand - your dh obviously.

withdraw

withdraw

withdraw

if you don't heed this advice, you will let yourself in for a life of jezza kyle style misery.

try talking to a brick wall, it gets really boring.

be a brick wall

RyleDup Sun 30-Dec-12 18:44:11

Try again....
I think you get to a point in life when the most important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of them. Your sil sounds competitive and envious, not nice traits. I would back off from her and feel confident that what you are doing with your son is the right thing. And when she criticises you, just smile serenely at her and say nothing. Eventually she will give up when she realises her opinion means nothing to you.

jjsmomma Sun 30-Dec-12 18:51:03

Thank you for all of your advice x

Whocansay Tue 01-Jan-13 22:45:36

What's wrong with a bit of confrontation? It sounds necessary in this scenario, otherwise she'll be at it for a long time! She's sounds jealous and frankly, a bit unhinged. In your situation, I would snipe right back at any snipe she gives you, or just challenge what she says. And stop trying to be nice to her. She does not deserve it.

lurcherlover Tue 01-Jan-13 22:50:31

I think the MN classic "did you mean to be so rude?" comes into its own here when she says something horrible. And you are being far too nice, so she thinks she can walk all over you. Back off, be distant and enjoy your DS.

why are you trying to be nice to her? she has been horrible, unsuportive of pragnancy, and is acting like a spoilt princess and is being all "me me me". leave her to get on with it and concentrate on your ds and dh

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