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buying gifts for DNs when not recipriocated

(16 Posts)
coolmango Thu 06-Dec-12 13:52:36

DS14s birthday was at the end of November. Neither my sister or my brother sent a card, gift or even birthday wishes. This has happened from time to time over the years but this year has been really tough for DS14. SS have been involved with ExP who decided to cut all contact with DS and he has had to move to a new area, high school. If DS had been younger he probably wouldn't have noticed but it made him quite down that none of his family seemed to care.

My brother has 1 DD7 and my sister has DD7 and DS5. This week I have received as per usual their christmas requests plus as both my niece and nephew have a birthday between xmas and new year so I have a list of things they want for that.

I stopped buying for my brother and sister and their partners a few years ago as I was getting ridiculous gift requests.

Would you still buy a token gift at least for my nieces and nephew plus birthday gifts or would you just let them know that I would be unable to afford it this year?

redlac Thu 06-Dec-12 13:55:58

token christmas gifts and hold off on the birthday gifts to see if they get your DS anything at christmas

although I would be telling them to shove their 'request lists' up their arses! Nothing wrong in a chat to find out what they are into but bugger lists for christmas and birthdays - seems very grabby to me.

Taffeta Thu 06-Dec-12 13:56:42

There are two separate issues here.

1. Your brother and sister have forgotten your DS's birthday. Shame on them. Remind them next year a few weeks ahead. I do this with my sister as my children would be forgotten otherwise.

2. re your neices and nephew -If you are unable to afford anything, just send them cards. If you can afford something small, eg a bath bomb or something, send that, to cover birthday and Christmas. No reason why they shouldn't get remembered just because your siblings forget.

mercibucket Thu 06-Dec-12 13:57:46

Do they know they forgot his birthday? Can't you ask/tell them before starting a tit-for-tat present strike?

mercibucket Thu 06-Dec-12 13:57:46

Do they know they forgot his birthday? Can't you ask/tell them before starting a tit-for-tat present strike?

seeker Thu 06-Dec-12 13:58:52

Hang on- your nieces and nephews send you Chirstmas and birthday lists?

Really? Really?

Taffeta Thu 06-Dec-12 13:59:00

Oh and most children aged 7 and 5 don't really care how much is spent. My DS's favourite present last year when he was 8 was a football fob watch my Mum got him which cost £3.

coolmango Thu 06-Dec-12 14:06:44

My brothers partner sent me a text saying wish DS14 Happy birthday about 10.30pm and my sister did the same that afternoon. They didn't however even call to speak to him directly.

Normally it costs me around £75.00 for the 3 xmas gifts then another £50.00 for the 2 birthday ones. I did get something cheaper once in a lean year but my sister especially was not happy.

This year I am really against the wall financially. My own DD3 will be getting some items from Ebay / Gumtree.

My DP says I should tell them to 'do one', but I would feel really guilty about not buying the children something.

poozlepants Thu 06-Dec-12 14:11:08

If your brother and sister are sending birthday lists hasn't it crossed their mind they forgot your DS's. I would reply honestly and tell them you find it very hurtful they would be sending present lists when they didn't remember DS's birthday especially as he had had a rubbish time this year. Don't let it fester. He is due presents and apologies from them.
DH's family are like this it drives me mad with resentment.

coolmango Thu 06-Dec-12 14:12:05

seeker a few years ago I didn't just get a list off my nieces and nephew, but also my sister and her partner, (my brother was not as bad with this).

One year I not only had to get a gift imported from the States for her partner but I had to have an item of jewellery specially made as I could not find the exact thing my sister wanted and she went into meltdown as i had ruined her christmas.

That was the last year I bought anything for the adults.

poozlepants Thu 06-Dec-12 14:13:44

OMG- I posted before I read your lastest update. They knew it was his birthday and they didn't send him anything but sent you lists. I would therefore send a card to your neice and nephew and leave it at that.

redlac Thu 06-Dec-12 14:18:20

they are nutters but you know that right?

token gifts for the children and a flea in the ear for the adults!

mercibucket Thu 06-Dec-12 14:21:58

Ok they sound horrible (the adults)

Token gift under a fiver plus card, or just card

Let the adults know beforehand though so they can 'manage expectations' (sounds like they expect you to fork out more than they spend on their own kids at those prices)

coolmango Thu 06-Dec-12 14:34:20

Thanks for the advice everyone. I do feel as though it is expected of me to buy whatever is on the list.

My own birthday is between christmas and new year so I do feel for my niece and nephew and hate those combined christmas / birthday gifts.

I think it will be a selection box or £10 and under gift for christmas and then around £20.00 each for their birthdays which covers the cheapest thing on the list.

I will contact my brother, who will understand, and may need tequila before ringing my sister, who will no doubt make me feel like Scrooge.

Oh...I will also prepare a huge list for my own birthday, although as usual I am expecting diddly squat!

HermioneHatesHoovering Wed 02-Jan-13 07:41:38

Why on earth does your sister feel entitled to demand these gifts from you, yet doesn't treat your son in the same way.

More to the point, why on earth do you feel you have to do what she says?? I think you need to ask yourself this question!

knackeredmother Fri 11-Jan-13 22:27:52

Why on earth would you not simply say to your sister that you are not buying for her dc as they didn't buy for your ds. I don't understand?

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