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Please help, my son is so unhappy

(8 Posts)
Jadeyx123 Wed 21-Nov-12 00:50:15

Hello, I was called to have a meeting with my sons teacher today because he has had some minor behaviour issues recently and one more concerning incident today (he wrote a sentence with a swear word on the white board). This is completely out of character for him, he is usually very well behaved at school and is quite able academically. His teacher informed me today that he has also shown some inappropriate behaviour patterns with his younger sister in breakfast club and at lunchtimes, he is very over protective of her and has been sneaking and going to her playground without permission at lunch times (my son is 9 and his younger sister 5 and have separate playgrounds). Whilst I was obviously quite cross to hear that this was happening/has happened today, I've spoken with my son and it turns out that he is in fact extremely lonely at school. He broke down and told me that he feels like he has no friends, when he asks to play with others they say no, he just wonders around alone at break and lunchtimes. When he goes to the dinner hall, seats next to him are left empty until the younger pupils join him and he'll often go inside alone. He looks so broken and I need to do something to help him, I also feel awful that I haven't realise before now. He just seems so lonely and vulnerable right now. Any advice given would be greatly appreciated.

lisad123 Wed 21-Nov-12 00:55:40

First thing to do is to go and talk to the teacher. Why haven't they picked up on this? Ask about friendship groups, older children buddy system ect.
What behaviour are they suggesting is not appropriate about his sister?
Poor lad hopefully you can get this sorted

Musomathsci Wed 21-Nov-12 01:11:41

It sounds like he is seeking out his sister's company because he is feeling lonely - a perfectly natural thing to do, surely?

Heart-breaking for you, and sorry I don't have any useful advice to offer. I remember feeling that way myself many many times as a child - so hard when you don't feel any connection with the other kids, and a difficult pattern to break out of.

Is there one child who he likes that you could try to foster a friendship with? invite him/her for tea/play? Are there any school clubs or activities that he could join?

Jadeyx123 Wed 21-Nov-12 01:13:39

Thank you for your reply, I'm calling the school tomorrow to ask for a meeting, they have a lady who works there who is involved in nurture groups - I think that is what they're called, she also works with children on a one to one basis to offer support. I'm hoping she might be able to help. His teacher said that he is super over protective or his sister, wanting to go everywhere with her and often asking if he can go to her end of the school to see if she is ok, and then going anyway when he has been told no. I asked my son why he wasn't busy playing at these times and that's when it all came out. He always seemed to have more friends that were girls than boys but now he says he has no friends that he can play with at all. I've asked my son to invite someone over for tea, but think he needs to build some common ground with them first. He says that the boys play football but he doesn't want to as he's frightened of the ball hitting him in the face when they put him in goal, - he said that's what happened before when he played, I wasn't sure if he meant maliciously or just in a normal football game way, but find want to push the conversation as he was so upset.

Jadeyx123 Wed 21-Nov-12 01:18:12

*didn't, thank you, yes it is completely heartbreaking, do you think I should push him into to joining some after school clubs? He has been saying that he doesn't want to but I think it would be good for his self esteem right now and could offer new friendship opportunities.

Yourefired Wed 21-Nov-12 01:22:58

Please consider buying the book "the unwritten rules of friendship". This is a great starting point for you. It is so painful when our children are unhappy. Ouch, been there.

VestaCurry Wed 21-Nov-12 01:29:06

Yes, v important to meet with teacher to sort this out. My youngest, very confident dc suddenly crumpled into sobs one day, telling me how lonely he was at school. His two best friends left within a few weeks of each other and he seemed to be coping fine (I checked regularly). Then one day it all came out how lonely he now was. I went into school, they were very helpful and he settled again. Good luck smile.

Jadeyx123 Wed 21-Nov-12 01:32:59

I've just googled the book and it looks brilliant, thank you. It's encouraging to know that your son settled after, thank you, I hope so too.

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