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Boyfriend or Job?

(41 Posts)
Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 15:27:05


This is my first post so I apologise if I get it wrong! I'm also dyslexic so I'm afraid you will have to grin and bare my shitty grammar or ridiculous spellings! I will do my best though.

I'm 23 years old and live with my partner of nearly 6 years. We live in a quite part of the world and after two years of fighting live in a great 2 bed house with garden. We both work full time and have both been with our employers for 2+ years. Neither of our jobs are practically well paid but we are young and get by. We also have two dogs, but they are mine really smile We have been having some problems in the last 2 years, nothing major. In my heart of hearts I don't think we are forever, I think we are turning into friends. I do love him.

I am extremely keen to progress with my company and am getting close to moving up a level. My partner is doing okay and getting some qualifications under his belt.

My boss has just been promoted and is relocating. She has unofficially asked me if I would go with her although not immediately. Tbh I'm still in shock she even asked, I'm extremely flattered and feeling pretty good about myself grin. My immediate reaction was yes! The problem is I'm 99% sure my partner will not be up for moving...

My question us what would you do? Give up a fantastic opportunity for someone I'm not 100% sure about (it really pains me to say that). Or give it up and see what happens..

All I can think about is what would happen to the dogs if we split, I doubt I could afford a house on my own. It would have to be a rent a room job...

Sorry if it's a bit jumbled..

CuttedUpPear Mon 03-Dec-12 16:25:38

Job. Good luck to you, I hope you find your life is happy wherever you end up.

BikeRunSki Mon 03-Dec-12 16:20:59

When you have such a strong gut instinct, then follow it.
And what everyone else said.

RibenaFiend Mon 03-Dec-12 16:06:57


Newbizmum Sat 01-Dec-12 04:23:55

If boyfriend wants to constrain your personal development then this will be an ideal time to give him the heave ho. On he upside, he may prove to be the real deal.

Nigglenaggle Sat 17-Nov-12 21:42:52

As others have said, if youre asking the question, then the answer is job. How exciting, a brand new start for you!

giraffecrossing Sat 17-Nov-12 14:04:59

Listen, I started dating a guy when I was 17, and we were together for 5 years. I knew for a long time that he wasn't "the one" but let the relationship drag on for a long time as I didn't want to hurt him. I'm talking a good couple of years here. I think I treated the relationship like a marriage in that I felt we should be faithful etc. Looking back though I was far too young to be settled down like that. I missed opportunities because I put the relationship first. Eventually I plucked up the courage to end it. We are from a small town and I'm sure some people wondered why I'd left such a good guy. Like you I had worried about this too, and in actual fact no one was ever unpleasant towards me.
He still lives there and I live on the other side of the world. We wanted very different things out of life. Though I know people who have been together since there teens, I think it's very rare that your first serious relationship will be your last.

msrisotto Sun 11-Nov-12 12:33:31

Job, easy.
It kinda sounds like your relationship is fizzling out. If you stay in the same town, will you ever be able to get out of it? Both the town and the relationship. I think this would be a clean break for you to Not live a dead end life...

ditavonteesed Sun 11-Nov-12 12:33:04

just to go against the grain, only joking, job.

motherinferior Sun 11-Nov-12 12:28:18

No-brainer. Job.

CaptainSolo Sun 11-Nov-12 12:26:20

Job absolutely. No question.

I am now with the boyfriend I was with at 23 and have two children. However there was a 12 year break in between. He asked me to marry him at 23 but I didn't feel it 'was forever' (although was devasted when we broke up and always felt I'd made a mistake) However wouldn't change a thing.

piglettsmummy Sun 11-Nov-12 11:57:13

I spent 2 years with some one I knew I wasnt 100% about the feeling was mutual too! In the end we split up and are both much happier he has a new dp while I remain a single mum. I had a lot of 'missed opportunities that I now regret!!! Please go for the job!! If he truely loved you he would flow u anywhere in order for you to fufill ur dreams smile

Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 20:05:20


tribpot, that is a good quote.. I need to sail my boat.

We have done long distance before in our first year together when I was at uni. We both found it difficult and he wasn't particually trusting - I wouldn't do that again.

BertieBotts Fri 09-Nov-12 19:59:30

Job. If you're meant to be then he'll come too, you'll go long distance - or you'll part and that will be that.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 09-Nov-12 19:58:37


The fact that you are even asking this says it should be so!

however, if you know that you are not forever with him, then definitely job!

CharminglyOdd Fri 09-Nov-12 19:56:09

Job. I moved 200 miles away from my DP for work in September and we are making it work somehow - he can't move his job at the moment. It's tough and we have had fights but at the same time I am reassured that, if it goes tits-up (not that I want that!), I will have a solid work foundation to support myself and the opportunities for promotions to secure my income rather than each being dependent on the other. In this climate you have to prioritise your job - I think the biggest lesson I have learned from MN is that you never know what the future holds.

Ferngirl Fri 09-Nov-12 19:53:19

We have started a life together, it could be good if we put the effort it. It would be a quiet life though.

I feel a bit bad about the way I've described us/him, I feel a little mean... I do love him! Things can be difficult and I'm not 100%.

I haven't even spoken to him about it yet. Shall I talk to him now while it's all up in the air or should I wait until it's concrete?

Boss asked a couple of days ago and she asked if I had thought my about it today.

tribpot Fri 09-Nov-12 19:52:49

I thought this was a good quote:

"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things."

- Rear Admiral Dr. Grace Murray Hopper

I think it will be remarkably difficult to care if the people of your town think you're a bitch ... when you're not there to hear them.

TheHeadlessLambrini Fri 09-Nov-12 19:50:18

<eyes up DH --not in a good way-->


I may have PMT though and DH is breathing at the moment so this may colour my advice

RubyrooUK Fri 09-Nov-12 19:49:08

If we hadn't made it....sorry for stupid iPhone typing...

LynetteScavo Fri 09-Nov-12 19:47:39


At 24 I gave up my job to be with my partner partly because I knew it would be a long term thing and the job wasn't. If he loves you enough he will come with you.

RubyrooUK Fri 09-Nov-12 19:47:04

Take the job.

If this is the guy for you, he will understand that, support you and you'll work round the distance. DH and I have not always even lived on the same continent at times, but we always knew we'd be together. If we hasn't made it, I'd have known it wasn't the right relationship.

You're not a bad person to take a job. If you explain to your partner that you have the offer to move for work and you would like to take it, then he can make his own choices. Come with you or not. And if not, do you both want to try and make it work long distance? That's another decision.

If this guy isn't forever, you're making a mistake staying with him. If you think he could be, there's no reason you can't move together or be together long distance.

trixymalixy Fri 09-Nov-12 19:43:53

Job definitely!!!

MsHighwater Fri 09-Nov-12 19:42:13

Boyfriend whom you think is probably not for life or exciting new job opportunity?

In these circs, job, without a doubt. Even if the job turns out to be less than you hope, you'll never know unless you try it.

Crikeyblimey Fri 09-Nov-12 19:41:13

But to hell with tue gossips - you won't be there to hear it. You'll be living your new life.

StaceeJaxx Fri 09-Nov-12 19:39:36

Job. If the relationship was meant to be you will work it out. If not then so be it. If you stay in a relationship you're not 100% sure about, you will end up resenting him anyway. Definitely go for the job.

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