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If you found a note written by dd (6) saying she hated her brother (3) and he was horrible?

(26 Posts)
Whitegrenache Fri 26-Oct-12 09:23:46

Found it this morning on the table after do took dd to school leaving me and ds at home.

They usually have a good relationship normal bickering but generally ok the rest of the time.

I work full time but spend equal amounts of time with them, I'm fact i probably spend more time with dd as we ride our horses together.
Ds is a very very cuddly child and dd isn't ( despite my efforts to cuddle her) so maybe she is jealous of that?

Would this note concern you?
I was planning to talk to dd tonight after school.

Do I need to be concerned or not?


WereTricksPotter Fri 26-Oct-12 09:27:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams Fri 26-Oct-12 09:28:34

I could quite easily have done that at that age. It would have been about how I felt at the time and would have borne no relation to how I might feel in the next two hours.

I'd ask her about it but wouldn't worry too much.

nickschick Fri 26-Oct-12 09:29:51

I think I would speak to her and reassure her that your heart grows when you discover you are pregnant so there is always enough love to last however many dc you have,just to let her know you love her the same as always....remind her as the big sister she is v important....shes only 6 and her world is still a small world and a scarey one at times.

Then I would write a note to dd as if it were from her brother saying how much he loves her and all the nice times they have etc etc.

its not rewarding her for writing the letter its about helping her acknowledge and understand her resentment at this time.....shes v grown up to write a letter at 6 so obviously very clever and mature,hopefully this will just blow over

StormyWeek Fri 26-Oct-12 09:31:29

She's six, and she can write? How cool! Pop the note in her memory box with today's date on it and have a chat tonight about it. Totally normal- mine shout at each other rather than write notes, however. I don't think you should jump to mummy guilt so fast,though!

N0tinmylife Fri 26-Oct-12 09:32:10

I wouldn't be too concerned. I can remember as a child hating my sister more than I've ever hated anyone else at times. Everyone said she was cute, and lovely all the time, and she was horrible to me! We get on really well as adults, and did most of the time as kids, there is just something about a siblings ability to wind you up. I would stick with your plan of talking to her after school, but I don't think it is much to worry about.

LookBehindYou Fri 26-Oct-12 09:40:03

I echo that this seems pretty normal. Chat to her about it but very casually. You don't want her to be forced into taking the stance of 'I hate my brother' when it could have been a fleeting thing becaue he spilt sth on her picture or whatever.

FireOverBabylon Fri 26-Oct-12 09:46:45

Say that you've found her note, and want to have a chat with her about it. She may be right, your DS may have pulled her hair or drawn on her coat and you don't know about it. It would be worth finding out more about what led her to write the note.

Could you also look at doing quality things together with both of them, maybe board games or jigswas at Christmas to help foster this, or sitting together to watch a family DVD - your daughter could help you pop popcorn as a treat because she's that little bit older and more grown up.

CaseyShraeger Fri 26-Oct-12 10:00:59

DS (7) did a beautifully illustrated note for DD1 (4) a few months ago saying that he hated her and was never going to speak to her again. This was because she'd touched his Hulk toy when he'd told her not to. They are still speaking grin and more often than not when I go to bed at night they are snuggled up together in one bed.

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains Fri 26-Oct-12 10:09:19

sounds normal to me, I hated my baby brother pretty much constantly until he was about 17 and then we got on like a house on fire.

I would never stand for anybody being mean to him or upsetting him though, it hurt so much to see him upset at somebody else's hands.

He put a hole in the bathroom door once, after chasing me (because I was being a madam and had wound him up), I slammed the door and locked it and he carried on going and punched the door shock I got bollocked so unfair

Speak to your daughter, reassure and do what you have to do. I wouldn't be too worried though - it sounds normal to me and 'hate' is a big concept and to a 6 year old is just a word.

Lifeisontheup Fri 26-Oct-12 10:14:08

I would keep it to produce when they're teenagers. Makes my lot shriek with laughter when I remind them of the many and varied ways they tried to kill each other.
My DD wrote a note once saying she felt she had no place in our family and felt unwanted and left it on her bed, I didn't speak to her about it at the time but made sure she had a bit more time alone with me. We laugh about it now and she says she was going through a drama queen stage.

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor Fri 26-Oct-12 10:15:15

On my fridge right now is a note I found written by DS2 when he was about 6. It reads:

TO (DS1) I Hate You! aNd we are NoT BesT BuDs aNd i was going To mack a song up abut best BuDs.
From (DS2)

He's 11 now and I found the note recently - it made us all laugh smile

It's completely normal IMO - we've had several similar notes from one child or another to a sibling. Or parent on some occasions!

TunipTheVegemal Fri 26-Oct-12 10:21:26

I don't have a note like that though I know I said many many times how much I hated my db2. My mother remembers me saying I wanted to put him in the dustbin.
I do, however, have a CD he gave me on my birthday, on which I scrawled drunkenly, aged 20 'This CD was a present from the best little brother in the world.'
My two can be a problem at the moment because when dd says to ds1 that she's never going to play with him again, he believes her, and I find him sobbing because he won't have anyone to play with for the rest of his life.

WereTricksPotter Fri 26-Oct-12 11:02:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whitegrenache Fri 26-Oct-12 13:28:56

Oh thanks ladies for all your advice and for making me laugh!!!
I will have a quiet word with her and follow some of your suggestions too.
Thanks for complimenting dd on her writing skills she is a clever eloquent little thing!!!

kittenspjs Fri 26-Oct-12 13:36:44

I remember writing a note like that to my brother. I was about 6 and he was 18 months. I yhinkbi wrote it because everything seemed so unfair to my six year old self; he could pull my hair but wasn't shouted at as he was a baby, he didn't get into trouble for things I would get into trouble for. I now realise it was because ge was a baby and my parents obviously had different expectations of the school child and the baby. I think I needed reasurance that I was loved and that the things he did like take mg toys or pull my hair were naughty and he would get told off for them! What my mum did was tell me how much he loved me and I was his big sister so I ended up feeling guilty AND nothing really changed.

kittenspjs Fri 26-Oct-12 13:38:10

We get on fine now smile to be honest I don't think my issue was about him, it was about how my parents dealt with us both. I didn't want to be the sensible big sister all the time.

LoonyRationalist Fri 26-Oct-12 13:44:47

Glad you are feeling better. I too have a 6 year old dd1 and 3.5 year old dd2. Since she has been able to write dd1 uses it as a way of releasing frustrations. We have some corkers in her memory box. (I dislike you Mummy, leave me alone - delivered by dd1 who simultaneously said, but you still have to take me to ballet!)

I wouldn't worry overly about it.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Fri 26-Oct-12 13:51:27

I loathed my brother who was 8 years older than me. The feeling was mutual.
He made me walk barefoot on a dead jellyfish (remembers well from 46 years ago)

We are now the best of friends grin

Greensleeves Fri 26-Oct-12 13:54:12

I agree with those who say sit down and have a little talk with her, find out how she is feeling and reassure her, cuddle her and make she sure knows how treasured she is as your little girl and as a big sister. I would also probably say that "hate" is a very strong word and you shouldn't use it lightly.

And then keep it to produce when they are teenagers grin

miaowmix Fri 26-Oct-12 14:00:00

DD recently wrote 'I wish I could have penguins of madagascar' (spelt Madgasck) on her bedroom wall. I'm sure if she had a sibling she would have written something more cutting. So I wouldn't sweat it, it sounds an entirely normal sibling thing to do. Maybe her brother is horrible? smile To her at any rate? (can you tell I'm a middle child? wink)

orangefan Fri 26-Oct-12 14:10:29

I think it's normal. DD2 told me she hated dd1 in the car yesterday (she's not writing notes or indeed anything else yet), then in the playground got upset 'cos dd1 hadn't kissed her goodbye.
I'd have a relaxed chat about it and move on, no big deal.

crazygracieuk Fri 26-Oct-12 14:12:54

I wouldn't be concerned.
My kids usually write even ruder notes after they've argued with their sibling. I tell them that it's ok to vent but to chuck the paper once they've calmed down as it'll cause another argument if their sibling finds the letter.

DyeInTheEar Fri 26-Oct-12 14:18:57

If it helps, my DB sent something similar, by email, to my DSis a few weeks ago. He's 37.

Feckbox Fri 26-Oct-12 14:26:53

do nothing, it's normal.

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