My Mum and i are having huge fights(3 Posts)
I moved down to live with my mum and her new husband so i could go to college, I was also looking for somewhere for me and my son to live at the same time, but her husband has major issues with food and my son being small and fussy with his food but not unhealthy at all (just his dad and i aren't tall and his dad has an athletic build and he takes after him) he has a major offence to. So my mum would ask him to keep out of it and he kept on threatening to leave and this went on and on so i decided to stick up for myself and then all of a sudden he changed the subject and said i was lazy (even though i had been doing all the housework and he wasn't doing anything at all) and selfish and alot of other things that i can't say on here, but we began a screaming match and he made her chose between him and us ... and she chose him, but i found a place she offered to be guarantor because im under 25 and im a student blah blah blah and she decides to keep this from him. So he found out threatened to leave again for like the 20th time even though they've been married for only 6 weeks, so she pulls out of being guarantor and i feel like my world is going to end this that and the other so i manage to borrow the money off of my dad (which he can't afford) so i don't need a guarantor cause i can't find anyone else who would be eligible, then i tell her what i have been feeling for my whole life that i have always felt like i never have really been as important as i should have been (like how i feel about my son who is my whole world and means more to me then my own breath) because this isn't the first time she has done this and iv'e lived with it because shes my mum but he was passively attacking my son and i know it doesnt sound like much but i could not stand it anymore and if thats the type of person she chooses over her grandson im not entirely happy with her seeing him on her own, so i offer to let her see my son once a month without her husband and with me around just because at that point im willing to try let her into his life and then she starts talking to me again like normal, like nothings happened so i say this is not an invitation into my life im finding it hard juggling things as it is without any other worry. The next day she sends a message saying that i have ruined her marriage and that hes threatened to leave her again and its all my fault and she doesnt even want to see my son again. Am i a bad mum and a bad daughter? cause im so confused how this is my fault, how her husband threatening to leave her over and over is my fault im guessing hes only doing this because she actually wants to see my son and he wants her to himself, but i have also seen the faces he pulls and heard the mutters under his breath when she was giving my son some attention, and also actively keeping me out of conversations when i was staying before the whole thing blew up. I just now feel so rejected and i never want my son to feel like that what shall i do?
Her husband sounds like an abusive idiot, and his response to her is not your fault and nothing to do with you. He didn't like it when you stood up to him and now is just being abusive towards your mother. However, she sounds like she is, in turn, taking it out on you which is unacceptable.
You need to draw a line which she is not permitted to cross (ie no abisice messages/calls etc) and stick to it. You are nt a bad daughter or vein unreasonable, and you need to focus on protecting your son.
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