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Gender Disappointment (other people's) - WWYD?

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RubyrooUK Fri 19-Oct-12 19:02:16

Gender disappointment (from others)

I need some advice on how to handle this, hence WWYD...

I have one lovely two year old DS. We have just found out at our 19 week scan that we are having DS2!

I am so thrilled I can hardly breathe. Having one small male love of my life, the idea of another is amazing. My DH feels totally the same. We would have been equally excited about a girl, but we think you make people - not genders - so just are so so so happy that we have got the chance to hopefully have two children.

The issue is other people. My inlaws have two grandsons already and my MIL told me she was so hopeful this would be a girl. (She has three sons and one daughter, who was much celebrated.) When her other son had a boy as well as us, she said she hoped maybe her daughter would have a girl. And she said she was jealous of her own SIL for having girl grandkids. I never doubt she adores our son, by the way, or his cousin, she's a lovely devoted granny, but this sort of thing upsets me. :-(

My mum will be an adoring granny too, is obsessed with my son and has a very close relationship with my brother. But she says she loves having a daughter and would hate me to miss out on that too. So not being anti-boys, but definitely rooting for a girl.

My friends are the same. Two close friends have boys already and have just had girls and are openly going on about how this has completed their family and how special it is to have girls. People keep going on and on about me having a girl - even friends who only have one boy!

(Some friends have two boys say sets of brothers are fabulous, to be fair and will be delighted I am joining their ranks.)

Anyway, I am a bit pregnant and emotional. I feel so thrilled about our little DS2 and so filled with love and excitement. It took me three years to have DS1 and it was once said I'd never have kids at all (my mum and friends know this) and have miscarried more than once before so I feel extra emotional and delighted to have the chance for a family like this.

All that has happened this pregnancy is people saying "hope it's a girl this time!" So how can I manage telling family and friends it's a boy without being incredibly hurt by the slightest implication DS2 isn't as good or exciting as a girl? The first thing DH said after we left the scan and we stopped being mentally thrilled was: "Oh god, my mum is going to say she's disappointed - promise not to listen." I am afraid that if anyone is anything less than thrilled, I will totally lose it and never speak to them again.

Has anyone else been here? How did you handle it?

RubyrooUK Sat 20-Oct-12 14:31:56

Sorry everyone for a duplicate thread. Phone went mad so I had to report my own thread to get the title put in and then I continued the conversation over in the Pregnancy Topic, i think.....

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