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wwyd...Measles Vacs

(191 Posts)
mothermars Mon 15-Oct-12 23:17:09

Hi
Not wishing to start a huge debate over vaccinations. But, I have a dilemma!

DH is anti vaccinations. Our DS is due his MMR and I have opted for the singles. I did his other routine jabs (against DH's wishes) and that caused friction like you wouldn't believe. But I felt that it was the right thing and that my DS life was more important than my DHs feelings on the matter.

However, I have concerns with the MMR (single or otherwise). My DH has done years of research, and he feels justified by his findings. He has little faith in our government and (long story short) believes it is meanly a money making scam etc. He said that the contents of the vaccines would shock me. He's also spouted much more 'evidence' that vaccinations potentially can do more harm then good. I've done my research too. And I think the only reason I'm doubting myself now, is because I don't have DHs backing, and to me, this is such a big deal, that I feel I am taking a gamble and I'm unsure what to do.

If two parents have strong views and both think they are right - where is the compromise? The middle ground? Who gets the final say? We usually unite in every other aspect.

I know the majority are pro vaccinations, and will say that I should have final say and do it. But bare in mind , that he truly believes that his research is more valid and less corrupted, so me saying "read x y and z" will not alter his opinion.

Has anyone been in this situation before and what did you do?

Also, does anyone know how I can get hold of the breakdown 'ingredients' in the single measles vacs?

Thank you..

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 15-Oct-12 23:20:29

Thankfully I don't have to make these decisions because DH and I are both firmly pro-vaccine. However, I believe that no one parent's opinion trumps the other. It is really hard when, like in this case, your child's life could depend on it. Would be listen to a HCP? A retired GP or someone like that. Someone who knows about the facts but doesn't stand to make any money.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 15-Oct-12 23:23:04

I was in a similar situation when we went through the MMR descison, except it was me that wanted singles, and him that was for MMR. It was a long time ago now though, and right at the height of the publicity, both our positions may be different if we were doing it now.

Anyway, in the end we went for singles, basically because I felt more strongly and passionately about my position than he did about his.

thebody Mon 15-Oct-12 23:23:55

Had your dh been vaccinated? Have you ever seen a child with serious measles in hospital? My dd had whooping cough at 2 weeks old and was very ill..

I would advise your dh to stop looking on the Internet and actually visit the local children's ward and talk to the staff.

He may change his mind.

LittleBearPad Mon 15-Oct-12 23:24:25

When you say he has done years of research what do you mean? Is he a scientist / doctor working in a lab or has he spent years reading the Internet? Measles is a nasty disease that was under control due to immunisations unfortunately this is no longer the case.

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:26:11

My friend died from measles. Your DH is a grassy knoller who needs to get a whole lorry load of grips.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 15-Oct-12 23:26:26

OP, how does he feel about the children that have died of measles? I'm really not being facetious. I mean that. We know that people die and are disabled by these diseases.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 15-Oct-12 23:26:49

Where would you be having singles done? A good paediatrician should be able to discuss all of this with both of you, and if you're doing singles you will need one anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 15-Oct-12 23:27:06

Sorry, Sarah I x-posted. I didn't want you to think I read your post about your friend then posted that...

Kalisi Mon 15-Oct-12 23:32:13

Bit confused here, is he against the MMR or all vaccines because if not then the single jabs would seem like the simplest solution. It probably is a money making scheme, the prevention of these disease epidemics probably saves the NHS thousands. Thieving Bastards grin

EchoBitch Mon 15-Oct-12 23:33:10

You're not taking any chances that this will get overlooked are you.

Vaccinate,measles can have dreadful consequences.

Is his research based on his own scientific background or google?

How can anyone be anti vaccination per se,they save thousands of lives world wide.

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:34:00

I wouldn't think that of you MrsT, I know you wouldn't do that but thank you. smile

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 15-Oct-12 23:36:10

thanks Sarah.

RainbowSpiral Mon 15-Oct-12 23:36:18

One of the main anti MMR reports was statistically invalid and my boss (Prof) was one of the advisors who showed this. Unfortunately it was already published and attempts to show it was wrong are not high profile.

I know this because I had toddlers at the time and my boss walked into the room and having shown no interest in my parenting skills before, she advised me to go for the MMR. She was much older and had seem the misery Measles had caused to her babies and was upset the press could be so misleading.

It was a no-brainer for me, mine had the MMR.

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:40:00

MrsT wine

I find anti vac conspiracy theorists really, really, really annoying. We have this wonderful gift from science, that can with one sweep remove the pain, the misery, the sheer horror that these diseases bring. And they just can't accept it, there has to be some conspiracy buried somewhere in there. They're a bunch of meddling, dangerous cunts who need silencing.

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:41:47

Oh, and OP.

Tell your DH he is welcome to come and do a night shift with DD2. She's been ill with Whooping Cough since the beginning of August, and she is still very, very ill. Would be great, I would actually get some bloody sleep, and might be able to get better myself.

Believe me, he doesn't want to see anyone with measles, let alone his own child.

Tincletoes Mon 15-Oct-12 23:42:50

Personally I have no qualms re the MMR and still find it staggering that anyone continues to believe Wakefield's "research" (funded by single vaccine producers, incidentally!)

Even though I think it's pointless, it is still every parent's right to decide single vaccine jabs are more appropriate for their child and I "get it" for want of a better expression.

But not vaccinating? Totally bonkers. And totally irresponsible too. Please bear in mind there are children out there who can't be vaccinated for one reason or another. They are relying on the rest of us for herd immunity. Sure, get single jabs if it makes you feel better. But not vaccinating against measles? Mad.

mothermars Mon 15-Oct-12 23:43:40

Wow - quick responses!
It's very hard for me to explain because my DH literally has an answer for everything. He knows that measles can kill, but to him, the statistics are still low in his opinion and that the vaccine that he believes to contain a whole heap of poisonous elements, would have a higher chance of doing some damage.

As I've said, he truly believes his research is right.

I'm nervous of going through this against his wishes and without his backing, because if god forbid, my ds gets very ill and has a reaction. I'll be responsible. Equally if his not vaccinated, but contracts measles, I'll never forgive DH or myself.

EchoBitch Mon 15-Oct-12 23:44:01

ScarahStratton,me too.

There are at least three of these threads now by the OP and all they serve to do is worry people unnecessarily,all that MMR causing autism stuff has been discredited and Andrew Wakefied struck off iirc.

EchoBitch Mon 15-Oct-12 23:46:27

How can he believe his so called research is right when he has no qualification to support it?

Like i said on the other thread...Google Schmoogle.

Tell him to get qualified then do his 'research' [pah]

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:46:44

OK, well in your shoes OP I would do the unthinkable and just get my child vaccinated. To me it's a no brainer, I would in no way risk my child's life over my DH's feelings or wishes, and I would go ahead and get them done.

Worst he could do would be to divorce me, and under those circs I'd probably be glad to see the back of him.

I really, really don't care about the morality of that. My children come before anything else.

EchoBitch Mon 15-Oct-12 23:48:00

Is he deluded in some way that he is cleverer than all the scientists and Doctors who really do proper research?

That is a dangerous path.

drcrab Mon 15-Oct-12 23:48:44

Wakefield's work has been demonstrated to be flawed on so many fronts - the sponsors of the study, the methodology, the stats drawn. It's been disproved so many times.

I believe your husband is reading stuff from the 'naturalists' (people who think drinking lots of vit c will help pneumonia for eg - yes it might help but it won't get it sorted!!!!). You need to take apart those arguments.

Good luck. Go for the compromise and have it done singly but get them done!!!!

ScarahStratton Mon 15-Oct-12 23:50:37

Just take DS to the GPs and get him vaccinated. Don't tell your DH.

And fuck the morals of doing that, what's more important, his feelings or your DS?

mothermars Mon 15-Oct-12 23:51:25

ScarahStratton - So sorry to hear about your DD. I understand why you feel so passionate agaist people who dismiss vaccinations etc.

But, my DH truly believes what he does. It frustrates me because he always answers back with a 'fact' that seems to discredit what I am saying. He's not trying to be 'out there' and wacky though. He genuinely feels strongly about vaccinations based on what knowledge he has acquired. That;s why it will be difficult to go against him..

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