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Do I go to brother's wedding?

(256 Posts)
RainQueen Mon 15-Oct-12 08:23:06

My brother is getting married next year but has decided not to have any children at the wedding. My children are the only children in the family. They are 2, 3, 5 and 6.

I was fine with their decision but said that as my DH and I have no childcare and the wedding is 5 hours from our home I wouldn't be going but we could have a celebration seperately after the event.

This all seemed to be agreed until I got an e-mail from my Mum begging me to go and alying it on thick about it being my brother's one wedding etc etc. I thought this was just my Mum getting emotional so I rang my brother to get his opinion.

I was shocked that he said he expected me to attend and would not forgive me if I didn't. It is possible for me to go on my own (DH would have to saty with the DCs) but it would mean my DH rearranging a busy work scedule and me staying away for 2 nights, including my DS's 7th birthday. Financially, it would be a stretch but as my brother pointed out I have been given a year's notice!

I have never stayed away before and don't really want to go on my own. However, I don't want to fall out over this. When DH and I got married it was a registry office with two witnesses so I have never understood the fuss over weddings!

Anyway, WWYD? I have a feeling I will have to go to keep the peace but I am upset that I will have to leave my DCs and go on my own.

CinnabarRed Wed 17-Oct-12 09:04:12

I leave my DSs with our nanny every weekday, so have no issue whatsoever with leaving them in the care of someone who isn't family. DS1 has also been to a childminder and nursery in the past - I have no "hang ups" with childcare.

I would also be prepared to leave them with our nanny for the weekend or overnight in extremis. In fact, I had to once when DS1 was rushed to hospital with pneumonia and DH in the US on business.

I would not be willing to leave them voluntarily even for one day with a stranger, no matter how qualified. DS2, who is 2.6 years old, would be absolutely distraught. He is a sensitive soul and it would cause him enormous upset. DS1 and DS3 would be fine - they're more robust.

And, as an aside, it would cost over £500 to hire a qualified temporary nanny for a weekend.

YouOldSlag Wed 17-Oct-12 10:26:45

Good point about cost, Cinnabar.

I think it's fine to leave children with non family if they are used to them and if you trust them.

In the OP's case, she would have to start paying a nanny, childminder or babysitter several times before the wedding so that they are all used to each other. Seems like a lot of expense and bother for one event.

It never ceases to amaze me how getting married can send normal people on such crazy power trips.

TiredofBeingTolerant Thu 18-Oct-12 10:18:35

I wouldn't go either. I also am fairly happy to have babysitters/people to mind my children.

Given the logistics, it does seem more difficult than a usual child free wedding invite.

It is an invite - you've looked at the options and it really doesn't seem feasible given the conditions your brother has placed upon you. That's his call not yours. If he chooses to carry out his silliness of not speaking to you, then I hope he realises how much of a selfish prat his is being when he has DCs of his own.

Getting married doesn't entitle you to be completely unreasonable and put your sister (that you supposedly can't get married without her there) in an impossible situation for just one day, because you are too stubborn and selfish to invite your own nephews and nieces. Especially when one of them has a birthday that weekend too - you are removing their mother for their birthday because 'a wedding' is more important. Well it really isn't IMO.

Your Dbro is coming across as an arse.

MummytoKatie Fri 19-Oct-12 16:07:28

One thing that no-one has mentioned is that if dad is working away and mum is at a wedding then presumably the 7 year old would be spending the majority if his birthday with neither of his parents.

Which seems pretty unfair really.

YouOldSlag Mon 22-Oct-12 10:23:51

Mummytolkatie- yes that has been mentioned up thread and it's pretty much agreed that it would be crap. It's also another reason why the groom is being a selfsih git.

CinnabarRed Mon 05-Nov-12 11:21:41

Did you get it sorted, OP?

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