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Really angry jerk upstairs constantly raging at his children

(8 Posts)
mathanxiety Fri 21-Sep-12 17:42:48

New neighbours moved in upstairs at the start of September. Man and woman in their early to mid twenties, two boys aged 3 and 4. Private landlord and they both work but different hours.

She seems pleasant enough though a bit -- maybe preoccupied/busy. At least she made an effort to say hello in a friendly manner. He gives off 'I Am A Jerk' vibes (to me anyway). Brusque, avoids eye contact, unfriendly hello in response to greeting. Just an impression of someone close to boiling point. He spent the entire first night they moved in either hammering and hanging pictures or hammering to put furniture together - plus loud cursing and throwing the hammer on the floor. I have crossed paths with him twice in the three weeks and only met her once, when I met them all on the way in from their car.

I have been working from home and have therefore been able to hear much of what goes on upstairs all day every day and it is far from ok, as far as I can hear. The boys play together indoors and sometimes out in the small yard and there seems to be no tv or X box sound. All day long when the dad is with them I hear 'You fucking little shit' - 'Are you SERIOUS? Are you fucking SERIOUS?' - 'What the FUCK did you do?' I don't hear any slapping but the verbal assault is horrible and there is door banging too. I don't hear any crying either when the dad is with them, but I do hear plenty of that when the mum is home. Plus shouting though she is not as loud as he is and she doesn't seem to jump on the floor as he does when she is angry. I don't hear playful interaction.

They have an ad up for a babysitter. They are offering a comedy amount as payment and require virtually on call hours. One phrase in their ad stood out -- 'nanny must be willing to discipline and use the time out chair'.

I suppose my question is should I have called after the first week to report this. Everything in me is saying this is bad.

YouOldSlag Fri 21-Sep-12 17:52:40

The swearing at children is never OK IMO.

However I am guilty of shouting at my kids, but what neighbours wouldn't hear is all the tender moments when I am playing with them, bathing them , reading to them. The shouting is a tiny fraction of my treatment of them.

You seem to have judged this man on a few brief passings in the street. He does sound like he talks to them inappropriately and I would hate to hear anyone yelling swearwords at children.

However, should you report him? If you suspect violence, yes.

lisaro Fri 21-Sep-12 17:56:05

I'm taking all you say with a pinch if salt as you have decided he's near boiling point Formosa reason and seem surprised he was banging putting up pictures when moving in, and shouting then.

YouOldSlag Fri 21-Sep-12 17:58:40

Yes agree with lisare, hammering on moving day is normal.

Swearing at kids is horrible and unacceptable but not illegal.

*Just an impression of someone close to boiling point*- that's not really a good reason to report or to judge someone. Moving is stressful and having kids is stressful- it may have been a bad day! (or three)

Servalan Fri 21-Sep-12 18:18:25

I agree that hammering, getting annoyed with errant furniture and swearing on moving day is pretty normal.

Some people don't have great social skills and are crap at talking at neighbours and that doesn't necessarily make them bad people.

Lots of parents shout at their children from time to time, and I put myself in their number (not saying that I'm proud of it, I'm not, but we can't all be "perfect" all of the time).

I'm not sure about the legal position on swearing at your children, but at the least it would indicate to me that the parent needed some education.

I would dispute that violence can only be "physical" though. In child protection terms there is such a thing as emotional abuse which can cause damage too. If it feels regular, habitual and abusive then it might be worth chatting to social services, or perhaps the NSPCC. They can decide whether they think it's something to be concerned about or not.

It might be that the parents are finding it hard to cope/need education or help, which maybe SS could steer them towards

mathanxiety Fri 21-Sep-12 23:57:53

It was all night the day they moved in -- did the furniture moving during the day and then spent all night hammering. Literally from after midnight until 6 am. Plus cursing and throwing down the hammer. I've lived in a fair few places and have never known someone to do something as 'F the neighbours' as this. I don't know how his children slept through it.

I'm not considering reporting based on my impression of how he was the two times our paths have crossed. I'm putting that impression with what I have heard and that is my only concern, because he has a right to be a grump of course -- what I have heard is raging anger, at the top of his lungs, really ott stuff. The tone of it and the decibel level are hard to convey. And it is so frequent. I hear him at it several times every hour -- it is not a 'from time to time' thing. It is constant, all day long, one 'You fucking little shit' after another, along with slamming sounds and sounds of someone jumping on the floors.

I know people shout at their children sometimes, but I am pretty sure (at least I would like to hope) that no-one on this thread would lose it like that with their children.

The boys are only 4 and 3. I think this has to be having an effect on them. If there is playful interaction in between the outbursts I would think that would only serve to confuse them.
I'll see what the hotline suggests.

Servalan Sat 22-Sep-12 09:07:04

Poor kids, that does sound awful sad I think calling to express your concerns is a good idea.

mathanxiety Sat 22-Sep-12 17:18:32

Have now done that and they were concerned. They gave me the relevant local intervention numbers to call if I wanted to.

Heard more today -- DD4 was also able to hear it too as she is not in school and got up instead of lying in.

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