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In my position how would you respond

(24 Posts)
Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 13:41:31

I am going to watch DD1 play hockey this afternoon. Another Mum will be there (an Alpha Mum) who likes to comment unfavourably on all the other players continuously throughout the game like a background monologue. The only players that escape critisism are those that are standing watching "with her". They never say anything - it is as if they are scared of her or that if by keeping quiet she will not critisise their children (but of course she does when they are not there).

A thoroughly unpleasant woman.

So, given that I will not be joining in and that my DD may come in for a fair amount of digs as she has just been moved down a team how should I react/respond?

In the past I have "ignored" and walked away!

All advice gratefully received

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 13:42:40

I should have added that after last weeks match where she continually commented that a new girl was "sh*t" I am in danger of punching her lights out smile

Sparklingbrook Fri 21-Sep-12 13:42:43


LadySybildeChocolate Fri 21-Sep-12 13:42:56

'Do you mean to be so rude?' followed with the look of disapproval should do it.

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 13:44:06

I'm afraid I can't help, I stay in the car and read my book whilst my son plays in his football match. Precisely because of parents like this.

<Bad mum, Numberlock>

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 13:44:34

yes Ladysybildechocolate you are right - even though it puts me and my DC in the firing line for a bitch fest I have to do it!

gymboywalton Fri 21-Sep-12 13:45:29

'goodness that's not a very nice thing to say! so long as the children are enjoying themselves , that's all that matters'

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 13:45:40

I'm stunned by it all Numberlock. These girls are 11 years old and trying their best - we should be supporting them not bitching. Her kids are great either!

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 13:46:32

Ment to say - her kids aren't great either!

LadySybildeChocolate Fri 21-Sep-12 13:46:44

She sounds like a real cow! The only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. If they are allowed to get away with it, they will just carry on.

BeaWheesht Fri 21-Sep-12 13:47:40

What I would do and what you should do are probbly two different things.

I would probably say something long the lines of 'it might be better for you to talk to the coach rather than any of us - theyre the expert after all grin I'll get him / her to come over and have a chat with you shall I? Wouldn't want the kids hearing any criticism after all - it'd demoralise the team and we want them all to do well don't we?'

ihatethecold Fri 21-Sep-12 13:49:26

What bea said.
Good advice!

TheSkiingGardener Fri 21-Sep-12 13:49:55

You could stand near her and every time she criticises someone, cheer that girl on?

Nasty Woman: Isn't Hilary useless!
You: Go Hilary, that was an excellent shot!

After a while, turn to her and say "Well someone had to make up for your lack of manners"

Cheddars Fri 21-Sep-12 13:50:20

Since she seems to know so much about how to play, suggest putting her name forward to help the team out with training sessions.

That should shut her up. grin

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 13:50:25

These girls are 11 years old and trying their best - we should be supporting them not bitching

100% agree, Sonnet. Things got so bad at one point that a letter was circulated asking parents to refrain from making comments like this. And this started when they had their first matches as under 7s (he's under 15s now)!

Could you raise the subject with the team coach?

Sparklingbrook Fri 21-Sep-12 13:51:26

I have a weekend of this with Junior footy. I take my camping chair and my thermos and try no to get into any discussions.

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 14:02:46

Thanks for all the responses and your support.

She needs standing up to - the rest of the mums are not going to bother. She does not have a good reputation with the sports coaches as she is continually moaning her DC have not been picked for the A team!. Her Dc are all extremely academic and in A sets for everything. She is extremely competitive and as non of her kids get in to the A team for sports she has a real issue with it. Team games go over her head as she has been known to cheer on her kid when she tackled another team member.... She gets her kicks (and makes herself feel better) by putting other kids down.
I love what Bea said but think I will do what TheSkiingGardener suggested grin
Cheddars {grin} she is rather on the large side and would not be able to run a step grin - but may suggest she gets out there and advises...
Numberlock - so the letter did not stop them? I am thinking about a chat with the headmaster along the lines of " I know you cannot do anything about this BUT I think you should know what goes on at pitch side...". I am particularly incensed with the new girl who she refeered to as "Sh*t" constantly on Wednesday sad

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 14:04:23

I am with you Sparklingbrook in that I have ignored and taken myself off up until now - she is getting worse and worse with her comments and I feel she needs showing up. I will be really be leaving myself open to be bitched about though.

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 14:05:42

The following is is on my son's football team's website under code of conduct. Do you have similar or could you ask the coach to issue something?

Spectators and Parents

1. Remain outside the field of play and behind the designated area

2. Never engage in, or tolerate offensive behaviour

3. Always respect the match official's decisions

4. Applaud effort and good play as well as success

Sparklingbrook Fri 21-Sep-12 14:05:51

It's horrible isn't it Sonnet, you just want to go up and stand and watch and support, and someone spoils it all. Good luck.

Sonnet Fri 21-Sep-12 14:13:06

and you Sparklingbrook

Thanks for this Numberlock - I could suggest to HM.

Numberlock Fri 21-Sep-12 14:32:39

You're welcome, Sonnet, feel free to add:

5. Can Alpha Mum Bitch from Hell shut the fuck up.

Sonnet Sat 22-Sep-12 13:55:55

grin numberlock
Alpha mum wandered away when she didn't get the response she needed....another mum followed her and the two stood heads together for the rest of the match....

Numberlock Sat 22-Sep-12 18:02:34

Aw shame, was there no audience for her today? shock

Hope your daughter's team won!

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