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How do I win my wife back?

(4 Posts)
tootskeeper Sun 02-Oct-11 22:27:46

My wife and I dont get on very well now. We have two kids, 3 and 18months. We've been married 2 yrs and together for nearly 6. We are both pretty stressed out most of the time. I have to work a lot of long and anti social hours - but I have managed to get a new job as of next month that pays less, but should give me some spare time. She works part time, also in a stressful job. Money is tight, and my career change will make things more difficult financially, but I need to try something different. At present I try my best to offer that she gets time alone, take the kids to the park etc, but usually my genuine offers are turned down flat. We dont have sex anymore - its been over 2 years, and even if I attempt to hold her hand or touch her arm she winces and pulls away. She's generally pretty short with me most of the time, and I have started to act the same way in the past few weeks. Its like we are on a downward spiral and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I love her to bits and wish we could be happy.

I would welcome any thoughts. It may help to know that I am not an abusive husband and have not been having an affair. I welcome constructive comment.

2ddornot2dd Sun 02-Oct-11 23:33:33

I think you need to ask her what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want you to take the kids to the park on your own, because she wants to have time with them doing the 'nice' things as well. Have you tried to take one child so that she can have one to one time with the other, and even more importantly have you managed to have time on your own with her - away from the house.

If your youngest child is 18 months, and you haven't had sex for more than two years, she may be reluctant because of something physical from the birth. I had sex with my husband about twice in the first year after dd2 because it just hurt so much. (but it is much better now).

Try and make her feel special for who she is, and not just as the mother of your children.

eaglewings Sun 02-Oct-11 23:46:35

Good ideas from 2dd

I would add, make her feel valued and irreplaceable

Tell her what she does well, what you love about her, what she means to you, how she has given you such wonderful children etc

Make time just for the 2 of you

Good Luck

rshipstuff Mon 03-Oct-11 14:30:15

Do you go out to the zoo/walk in the woods/whatever together on weekends? How much time do you spend together?

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