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Family Time

(14 Posts)
oldsilver Fri 30-Sep-11 22:21:40

Have done a thread years ago about this issue. DP spends all Saturday with DS at MILs, DP spends all morning with PIL on Sunday playing golf. Family time is limited to Sunday afternoon, oh and he likes to watch the grand prix too (I used to but am too busy entertaining DS now). Come hell or high water, week in, week out... for the past 5 years now.

History of PILs overstepping mark. Tried all the suggestions, nope, it suited him fine he was sticking to it.

Anyhow, he's changed job which means he gets a day off in the week (goes to golf) and works Saturday every other week. Mil was going to take DS out on her own, I said no, I have plans (she's slap dash with him and his stuff, she's fallen over, she's left full shopping trolley baskets on buses when she's with him, coats, hats, jumpers appear to be disposable .. with the comment oh never mind). And the agreement when he took this job and for playing golf during the week was that Sundays would be family days. The three of us do something together, just us. This would be every other week. And the alternate weekends would be as the first para.

So he comes home tonight, tomorrow being his first Saturday working and says that we've been invited to MILs for Sunday dinner (which would mean all day apart from the eating bit with DS on the Wii, me running outside every 5 minutes for a fag, PIL sequestered in the cellar where he lives and MIL and DP talking to each other incessantly). I have said that we have already discussed going outdoors somewhere on Sunday as it's going to be lovely, for the day, as previously agreed - so no. He is livid and not talking to me AGAIN not happy.

What would you do ... explode, say "yes, ok darling, we will have only 1 afternoon (2 hours max) together as a family every other week", or what?

Apologies for length - I am feeling a tad cross emotional.

oldsilver Fri 30-Sep-11 22:41:10

Shamelessly bumping and forgot to add MIL has heart condition and PIL had a stroke earlier in the year (appears fine now though).

CJCregg Fri 30-Sep-11 22:48:10

Sweetheart, difficult as it might feel, you need to stick up for yourself and reaffirm what you agreed - one day a week needs to be for the three of you. If he's going to play golf during the week, he can come home and spend the afternoon evening with you once DS is home from school - if he's not going to do the Saturday thing.

He obviously feels conflicted and guilty about his parents (tell me if I've got that wrong) but he needs to appreciate how important your family unit is as well.

So sorry you're having a rough time with this.

NormanTheForeman Fri 30-Sep-11 22:53:18

This is rubbish! He needs to agree that you can do something that you and ds want on at least some of the Sundays. And where do your family come into it? (Sorry I don't know whether they are alive, live near etc.....)

oldsilver Fri 30-Sep-11 22:56:18

MMmh yes, he did manage 1/2 an hour after school this week with DS then went to bed cause he was tired hmm

There is no conflict or guilt with his parents - he just doesn't see the problem. The family unit includes the PILs, he doesn't understand that our family unit is important or indeed exists without the PILs.

NormanTheForeman Fri 30-Sep-11 22:58:52

What about your parents/siblings, olds? (Sorry don't know if they are alive, whether you have siblings). But if you do have family, are they not as important as your dp's family?

oldsilver Fri 30-Sep-11 22:59:49

I don't have family no contact for years so PILs have the monopoly on the GP front. Apparently all DS wants to do is spend free time with MIL - cause that's all he's ever known, apart from the fact she lets him play on the Wii all day to the extent he comes home with blisters on his hands angry I quote "grannie lets me do everything I want".

NormanTheForeman Fri 30-Sep-11 23:02:56

That's just awful then, olds - you don't need relatives who undermine everything you do.......

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Sat 01-Oct-11 11:09:48

If you have a car and can drive, I would be at the seaside tomorrow with my son. He could come if he fancied it.
That is outrageous behaviour from your DH. What a git.
I know where I wouldn't be going tomorrow.

oldsilver Sat 01-Oct-11 21:00:45

Not a car driver or owner unfortunately. He has grudgingly agreed to go - so far he is pooh pooing any ideas I come up with...

RandomMess Sat 01-Oct-11 21:04:15

I am just shock, I guess it's a case of what you're prepared to put up with for the next 10/20 years...

oldsilver Sun 02-Oct-11 21:08:30

UPDATE: Well, we eventually got to the beach - that is after argument before we left about how I was trying to keep him and DS away from Grannie, I mentioned that he didn't want us to be a family.

I did all the beach packing and sandwich making whilst he went back to bed for a bit.

He didn't like the beach I picked, even though he told me to pick one to the extent that when he got there he wouldn't put up the windbrake cause he didn't want to sit on that beach.

So me and DS got on with paddling, jumping waves, making sandcastles and digging holes at which point he suddenly joined in (he had had a sleep on the beach).

On the trip home, where apparently he was too tired to drive us in the morning and worried we were all going to end up in intensive care cause of crash, he took the extremely scenic root home driving around all these natural geographic tourist attractions and pointing out where he did this, that, tother and which all nicey like.

MIL rang him tonight - I had to answer the phone as he was asleep (again) and she was very offish at me. I am so nasty for wanting to spend time with my immediate family arn't I.

cjbartlett Sun 02-Oct-11 21:14:24

Why does he sleep so much?

Before you had ds with him did you know he was a mummy's boy?! Why didn't you run a mile?

Poor you though sad
I think I'd move as far away from her as possible grin

oldsilver Sun 02-Oct-11 21:22:23

He is stressed apparently gave up smoking our relationship issues/starting different job/always slept a lot and has been getting up really early recently cause he can't sleep in the mornings apparently.

He was absolutely not a mummy's boy then - I would not have had anything to do with him if that was the case. It's only since DS was born.

Mmm yes, like her DD and her oldest DS1 - they don't have anything to do with him, and DD lives 80 miles away grin My dp is DS2.

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