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Three year old and funeral

(5 Posts)
neepsntatties Wed 28-Sep-11 17:06:34

My gran passed away. My mother and aunt want all the family there as my gran was very much the centre of the family and she loved the children. They say they don't care about noise etc, they just want people there. My DS is three. My sil and db who have a child the same age are not bringing their dd as they say it is totally innapropriate. I am not sure what to do. I want to bring him as my mum and aunt are keen but worried about him being around lots of upset people.

Pagwatch Wed 28-Sep-11 17:22:19

I took my dd aged nearly two to my dads funeral.
It was what my mum wanted, what my dad would have wanted and what I wanted.
I never asked anyone else as it was none of their business.

I am not worried about my dd seeing people grieve, it is part of life. The service was a joyous thing as well as a sad thing. She wandered around and was generally lovely.
People get sad at funerals but rarely is everyone wailing in a dreadful manner.

meditrina Wed 28-Sep-11 17:33:16

As your mother and aunt say they want her there, and you want to take her, then for heaven's sake take her! Especially as it is directly coming from thoughts of your Grandmother's role in the family.

It doesn't matter what DB thinks is right for his DC - do what you think is right for you in the light of the expressed wish for your DS to be there.

Do take some (quiet) distractions (colouring book?), and try to find somewhere to run him round between the service and the wake. As the chief mourners have said they don't mind noise/disturbance, you don't have to worry about whether he fidgets or talks in the wrong places, but you might want to sit where you can easily take him out if anything does become too intense.

And I think his presence at the wake will be a lovely, positive thing.

Whatever you decide, I hope you can give your gran a good send off and you draw comfort from it.

FlumpsRule Wed 28-Sep-11 17:43:07

I am so sorry for your loss. Funerals are a time to remember loved ones and be together. I took my children to both my grandparents funerals and my uncle's because each time the family wanted us all there. They have all been family + occasions & grieving is part of life. I wouldn't take children to other people's funerals though - only direct family where we can all support each other & children are warmly wanted not frightened.

Children are often a welcome relief for grandparents etc on such occasions. Reminds them we have reason to be happy smile

I hope the day goes well.

neepsntatties Wed 28-Sep-11 18:48:13

Thanks, my sil has a way of speaking to me that makes me doubt myself. I am going to take him.

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