"I just want [my brother] to hold my hand, mummy" - what would you do?(2 Posts)
Sorry, this is a long one (and also posted in Step-parenting, but I'm desperate!)...
Step-son decided four months ago that he didn't want to know us (me, his father and his 3 year old half brother) as we treat him like a child. He's an incredibly immature 17 year old. We were trying to encourage him to grow-up (find a job, etc, etc) so I'm not convinced that he really think this and he hasn't given us any examples.
His half-brother (our son) is desperate to see his big brother, and I've dealt with a lot of tears and upset as he doesn't understand why his big brother doesn't come over any more. At lunchtime today, he said that he just wants his big brother to hold his hand. It's heart-breaking. I emailed and texted step -son initally to ask him to get in touch because we were so upset, so he knows what was going on.
DH has also taken this very badly. He's a very gentle person and this has really, deeply upset him.
Four days ago, step-son texted DH to say that he wants to get back in touch and could he and his new girlfriend (we've never met her, but some online snooping leads me to believe that she's 14 years old) take our DS to the park one day. Bearing in mind that he's babysat twice for us - once for half and hour and DS ended up crawling over paint cans in the garage, and for one night when step-son decided to take the dog for a walk, leaving our two year old DS in bed, home alone. He's gormelous and untrustworthy. Given the way he's treated us, I also don't want him to get that close to DS again in case this happens all over again. I imagine that the older DS gets, the harder the rejection will be for him.
Anyway, DH texted him back asking when he's free to meet up. Non-committal, non-gushing - just the question. We haven't heard anything back for three days.
Should we have been more 'welcome' in communicating with him again, so that DS can see his brother again? He'd be overjoyed and (in later years) if he ever found out that we didn't go all out to encourage this meeting, he could really resent us. Especially if their relationship is now effectively over.
Or did we do the right thing?
I'm so sad. Any advice would be very gratefully received.
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