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So, i have a freind who

(12 Posts)
gigglepin Wed 14-Sep-11 19:44:48

I also work with.
WE have been friends for about 20 years, she is a good, kind, generous, funny, bend over backwards to help type friend.

At work all anyone does is complain and moan about her. They say she is lazy, unsupportive, slap dash, cuts corners and has been involved in several incidents all occuring becuase of her lazyness. Also there have been a few formal complaints about her from clients.

She is in a junior management position as am i.

I have said nothing, i walk away when people start on about her as i dont want to hear it, nor do i want to be involved.

My instincts are telling me to do nothing as i wouldnt risk ruining our friendship for the world.
Because of my position, people do tend to moan to me about her, i advise them to speak to management but i feel SO bad even doing this as i feel it is going behind her back and betraying her.

Would you do what i am doing?

thisisyesterday Wed 14-Sep-11 19:48:02

i would tell people that as she is a good friend of yours you don't think it's appropriate that they bring their grievances to you,

if she IS like this at work then whoever is in charge needs to deal with it, it doesn't need to have anything to do with you though

if you're both junior management why are people coming to you about her?
do you feel it's something you could talk to her about?

gigglepin Wed 14-Sep-11 21:15:15

I am kinda superior to her on the management ladder. I couldnt talk to her about it no.

I have said this in the passed actually. Will continue to say this.
Thanks x

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Sun 18-Sep-11 17:32:57

I don't think you can tell people not to moan at you about her seeing as you are superior to her. That would make you look bad professionally I think.

Are their complaints based on truth or do you think it is bitching?

I think you are doing the right thing to tell them to go to your manager.

Does she realise people have issues with her?

socialhandgrenade Sun 18-Sep-11 17:43:25

I think I would suggest they take up their issues directly with your friend, and if they have done so without success then suggest they tell your friend they have no option, but to involve your line manager.

Personally I can't bear hearing bitching.

thisisyesterday Sun 18-Sep-11 19:49:25

of course she can. it is a friend of hers, and nothing to do with her. if people have an issue with the person they need to either tell her, or go to her direct manager... not bitch about her to her friend.

it's totally acceptable for the OP to say to them "X is a friend of mine, I don't think that it would be appropriate for me to get involved, please take your grievances to Y (manager)"

MangoMonster Sun 18-Sep-11 19:53:05

Yes, she's a friend bit it's work. You're doing the right thing. It's not you responsibility to deal with it, you are not her boss. If others have problems, they should air them in the usual way, to her superior. Not your problem.

Jerseyellie Mon 19-Sep-11 10:54:39

Been in a similar situation where best mate was a Manager in one part of the business and I was a Manager in a different part.

Staff all came to me about her bullying them and were all going to the Unions. I felt I had no option but to speak to Senior Manager about it so she knew Unions would be in touch however she told my friend that I had spoken to her.

Basically I lost my friend but looking back she did have a bullying side to her nature that I ignored so perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Mon 19-Sep-11 15:37:35

Jerseyellie That's not good that your manager told her! In what way was she a bully? I used to have a friend who was a bully in a really subtle way (on the surface she was charming!), I'm not friends with her anymore because of it but I often wonder if it gets her into trouble at work.

Jerseyellie Mon 19-Sep-11 20:08:23

whosegotmyeyebrows She would often make put down comments to make people feel bad but herself feel good. At work she has been openly rude to staff and also personal comments to them. Luckily the fallout meant I left the company for a promotion so I have no dealings with her now.

TrillianAstra Mon 19-Sep-11 20:27:46

Do you think that they are lying?

Or do you think that your friend is, while a lovely person, a rubbish manager?

Either way they should take it up with her, with HR, or with her direct manager.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Mon 19-Sep-11 20:38:38

Jersey You've just described most managers I've worked for!

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