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Feel like I am the only stressed/busy person I know!!

(9 Posts)
gilliano1987 Sun 31-Jul-11 21:58:29

Not sure if this is a discussion or me letting off steam. I am 24 and have 2 daughters aged 5 and 2. I work for my local council full time in the finance dept. and I'm studying accounting from home. I have always worked, only taking time off for maternity leave. My partner also works full time and is studying electrical engineering and works away a lot. I pay full nursery and after school care as I have no family (mums/grannies etc) to help...or even to babysit!! I dont want any sympathy, just want to know there are other people out there in the same boat!! Seems the only other young parents we meet are happy to moan/spend their days doing nothing/complaining they are bored...I even heard one saying they dont have time for a job!!!! Also feel stressed and under pressure with house, cooking, garage bills, paying for holidays, horseriding for 5 year old...does it get easier?!

lovemyboysandbeagles Wed 03-Aug-11 12:00:08

I have only just seen your post or would have replied earlier.

I know exactly how you feel. I went back to work after 4 months with both of my 2 and although it wasn't full time and yes I did have my MIL to help, I was so stressed, tired all the time, frustrated that someone else had to look after my children when I felt I should have done so felt guilty as well.

Now though the boys are older and in some ways it is easier but in some ways not. Finances are easier withour childcare costs but I am more stressed and my DH is VERY stressed at the moment for various reasons, but the boys can understand (a bit as we obviously don't want to burden them when they are young) and we make sure we have fantastic weekends and breaks as a family or even just go a walk in the evening with the dogs to unwind, little things can make a huge difference. Also now we don't have MIL to help, we have virtually no help with childcare to be able to go out, but we make the most of nights in instead.

On a positive note, if your DDs have both been at nursery, they will grow up to be confident and bright individuals as my boys are and you will be able to hold your head high and be proud of them - becuase you and your DP have helped them to achieve that.

Try and have a bit of time for yourself, even if just 1/2 an hour to soak in the bath and unwind a bit, it really does help. I am assuming your DP does his share, if not it's no wonder you are so stressed re the house things and you need to sort this out with him.

Good luck smile

gilliano1987 Wed 03-Aug-11 13:13:32

Wow thanks for the reply, sounds like you have a good balance between work/family time etc.
The nursery I use is fantastic which I am so grateful for, it's like one huge family.
We have been on a wee caravan break a couple of times this year which was amazing smile but we live on an island where we are £60 down for boat fare before we event think about a country park etc so makes it hard to find things to keep the children excited. We are off to Disneyland Paris in October though smile
Sometimes I feel like holidays take up a lot of our finances but I feel we need them!
Like you say, think we need to start making the most of evenings when they aren't taken up with studying, maybe order takeaway once kids are in bed!
My OH is great he does a lot round the house and for the girls.

Think I was just having a bad day when I posted. Maybe I'm being selfish to feel like I need a wee bit of recognition. Think it all goes down to my relationship with my mother but thats a whole other story!!

Thank you

lovemyboysandbeagles Wed 03-Aug-11 13:27:26

oooh, from the last comment it sounds like we may have a lot in common!!! I am ok with my mum now, it is MIL causing probs (see thread on AIBU).

I think we all need recognition from time to time, it is really important and as your girls get older you will get that from them too.

Just a thought, my DH & I have always made Saturday night 'our time'. We make a real effort, cook a meal or get take away, set the table properly and light candles etc (so you sort of feel like you are on a night out) and we have always done that, until recently because now the boys are older we tend to spend some Saturday nights with them too now. I think it is important to get a balance - 'me' time, 'couple' time and 'family' time, otherwise the whole world revolves around your DD's or DS's and you lose sight of yourself and your partner. That is just my opinion, I know some may say that the whole world should revolve around children...but then what happens when they are grown up??

coastgirl Wed 03-Aug-11 13:33:16

It's hard for you at the moment, but by the time your daughters are older you will hopefully both be more advanced in your job, meaning you'll be more financially secure than the other people you know. You'll be able to afford a bigger house with nice bedrooms for your girls, they'll be able to do activities without worrying about how to afford them, you can have a reliable car and take them on great trips. Money isn't everything but what you're doing is building the foundations for a really comfortable life in future, which is a great position to be in.

gilliano1987 Wed 03-Aug-11 15:42:25

No one is this nice to me!! Thanks so much, it's not that I don't undertand that it's all worth it, just nice when someone else says it.

I'm off work this week due to school hols so had a bit of "me and older DD time" which is nice for her aswell, usually the little one gets all the attention!!

Essentially that is what we are aiming for, money isn't everything but we are working hard for what we want to achieve in the long run. Life passes you by if you don't! I feel very proud of our family smile

And next Friday MIL has agreed to pick the kids up after work (she works full time as a nurse and also has a 12 year old which is why she can't help out much) so that we can meet in town and have a nice cocktail and a meal!! Can't wait smile

The sun is out and feeling a bit more positive smile

curlyredhair Wed 03-Aug-11 15:56:11

I'm a lot older than you, but I know what you're going through. I have 7 and 3 year olds and work full time. Can't contemplate the studying on top of that - total respect to you for doing study as well.
I think it does get easier and like a previous poster said, you're working to set yourselves up in the future. Building security. That's a good thing.
Hope you enjoy your night out.

lovemyboysandbeagles Wed 03-Aug-11 16:24:39

Ditto Coastgirl's reply. I love the house we live in now, it is in a lovely location and I am so happy here, but we had to work hard in the process. It IS worth it - I promise smile

Have a fab night out at weekend smile

gilliano1987 Wed 03-Aug-11 17:24:23

Thank you!! :D Big Smile haha

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