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Parents visiting about 90 mins away but didn't visit me ...

(6 Posts)
kando Wed 29-Jun-11 21:20:16

My folks live in the north of Scotland, I'm on the South Coast. They were at a reunion down south for the weekend and then went to visit my dsis for a couple of days - she lives an hour and a half away from me. They didn't come to visit me and my 3 dcs.

This is the second time they have done this. I plucked up the courage to confront my dad when it happened last year to ask him if something had happened to make him decide not to visit (I feel uncomfortable with confrontation). He said it was because my dh "made him feel uncomfortable". When I asked what he meant, he couldn't explain properly, just saying that last time they visited - over 4 years ago- the atmosphere changed when DH came home from work (DH didn't behave any differently when they were here to the way he does normally IYSWIM) I truly believe he was making excuses but can't work out why he would do this.

This year, I knew that the reunion was sometime in June and that they planned to visit dsis, and secretly hoped that they were going to pay us a "surprise" visit but they didn't sad.

We visited them earlier this year - as you can imagine I was quite anxious about awkward "atmospheres" between my dh and dad, but we all got on really well (or so I thought!) and had a really nice time with them. And now this.

I've heard nothing from them except for a couple of texts from my mum this week about a sick relative. Should I confront him about this again? Is it wrong of me to think how awful it is to travel 800 miles, visit part of the family but not the other part? I'm really struggling to get my head round this and it's really making me quite angry and upset the more I think about it.

Sorry this is so long - hope it makes sense!

PlanetEarth Wed 29-Jun-11 21:45:30

Do they visit you other times? A couple of days is not long, maybe they just wanted to see your sister this time and you another time?

kando Wed 29-Jun-11 21:57:10

No, they don't visit at other times. Last time they came to visit was over 4 years ago. I agree a couple of days is not very long but surely if you know that the rest of your family is less than 2 hours away you would at least make an effort to get down and see them? They arrived at my sisters on the Monday and left on the Thursday morning.

SloganLogan Fri 01-Jul-11 19:27:29

You need to know what is behind your Dad feeling uncomfortable. Say that you want to know, whatever it is. But you also need to be prepared to listen to your parents and in most cases, not go straight off at the deep end if you don't like what they tell you. It's probably just a misunderstanding but it needs clearing up.

smudgethepuppydog Fri 01-Jul-11 23:05:29

Mine haven't visited here in over 8 years though they manage to see my Dsis who lives not 9 miles from here. I refuse to feel hurt over it any more. It is their loss.

SharonGless Fri 01-Jul-11 23:14:30

I would feel hurt but suggest you either accept your Dad's feelings and decide what you will do about it or confront them about it.
It really isn't acceptable to travel all that way and visit one child but not another who is close by.
What was your relationship like with them prior to these incidents?

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