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separation and the dog

(9 Posts)
fred5 Thu 16-Jun-11 14:43:04

If my wife and I separate, many bad things would come of it, but the worse is the thought of having to re home our dog. Basically I could not possibly do it, even tho it makes sense. I wondered if anyone has experience of this? If I go, I will be in a flat and I?ve worked out I can come back from work at lunch to see him. But the issue is that if I want to go out (ie start my single life again) I can?t leave him for very long. How do single people with dogs cope?

lou33 Thu 16-Jun-11 14:45:54

When my bf and his wife separated (no kids involved), both of them wanted the dog and both of them couldnt stand the thought of not seeing him, so they came to an agreement over who would have him and when. They broke up in Jan 09 and so far it has worked out v well.

Initially she had him most, with my bf having the dog just for weekends, but it is the other way round now.

fred5 Thu 16-Jun-11 15:05:47

Thanks, but I will be soley responsible for the dog.

sunnydelight Tue 21-Jun-11 06:53:59

In terms of the practicalities and if it's possible to keep him, I guess a lot depends on the age and nature of the dog. My friend has a 7yo lab and leaves him overnight when her kids are with their dad and she is out with her new boyfriend.I wouldn't have thought it ideal as he is basically locked inside but he is a very placid, older dog, and he seems to be ok with it. She doesn't work though so for the majority of the time the dog has company.

On the other hand my 17yo's son's best friend's parents split recently and the worst thing was the re-homing of the dog. I know needs must but I really couldn't watch my 17yo son in tears when they re-homed HIS dog.

lou33 Tue 21-Jun-11 19:27:46

I guess it will boil down to trying to balance your social life with how long would be fair to leave the dog alone, as well as will it have enough stimulation when you are not there to stop boredom, and ensure you dont come home to chewed furniture and pee/poo over the floor as it couldnt wait any longer.

That is why my bf (or rather me, because i am at home in the day) now has his dog more than his exw, as he was left alone from mon - fri for 6 or 7 hours a day, then when her social life picked up/she started a relationship with her current bf, she would come home from work for maybe an hour before she was off out for the evening.

My bf said he didnt think it was right for the dog to be alone for such a long period of time (and i know from having him here, that even if he is left for just a few minutes, i will come back to see him sitting at the door looking through the glass waiting for me to return, he hates being left behind), especially in a tiny 3rd floor flat with nothing to occupy himself with, and so for the sake of the dog's happiness he now stays with me for 90% of the time. He has 2 other dogs to play with , a garden to go in and out of at will, and if i go out its never for more than an hour or so at a time, and i pretty much dont go out in the evenings , so there is always someone about.

His exw loves the dog and misses him being there, but she acknowledges that it isnt fair on him being alone for so long so often, so she now has him for a few days every 3 or 4 weeks instead.

Is your dog ok/used to being alone or does it get anxious? Will he be a dog who will whine/howl if you leave him?

If you are able to get back at lunchtime to check on him and let him out for the loo etc, then he may well be ok being left for the rest of the time, but do you have anyone who would be able to pop round if needed? For example if you had to be elsewhere one lunchtime? Would a local dog walking/ sitting service be a possibility?

You clearly love your dog, but do you think you will be able to give him the attention he will need if your wife will no longer be around to share the responsibility?

Also, if you will be renting, will the landlord allow pets?

Hope you find a way to sort it out , good luck

sloggies Wed 06-Jul-11 13:04:03

What about employing a dog-walker, from an agency, or from an ad in the newsagent. I'm sure they will give the dog fuss and attention too.

sloggies Wed 06-Jul-11 13:05:02

PS there are probably trust-worthy pensioners out there desperate for a part-time dog, plus a bit of extra cash.

girlywhirly Wed 06-Jul-11 14:20:49

fred5, get yourself to a dog agility group, to meet like-minded people (and possibly ladies!) You may find people there who 'dog-sit' for each other, or know people who can. Vet surgeries often have lists of people who dog-walk or call to let dogs out/feed/give medication etc. sometimes the vet nurses themselves do this to boost their wages.

SamsGoldilocks Wed 06-Jul-11 14:22:41

My MIL gets a dog sitter to look after the dogs for the weekend when she comes to visit us or for her art course. it seems to work well. There are loads of them about.

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