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Please help, i don't know what to do. RE SEXUAL ABUSE

(6 Posts)
veryworried2011 Mon 13-Jun-11 10:58:06

I have name changed, but if you recognise me PLEASE don't out me.

My 2 boys have been sexually abused by a family member. We are waiting for it to go to trail. We don't know to what extent the abuse was but we know it involved not just touching but being shown porn as well.

I have 2 boys, one of who has been fairly open about what's happened but the other has been very quite. He doesn't open up anyway never has done. But we know he's been abused in some way.

This has been waiting to go to trial for 2 years, it keeps being adjouned.

for my DS1 is has been a relief to get it out, like I say for my DS2 we are not sure how it has affected him, he doesn't show his emotion.

About 2 months ago, my DS2 was with his cousin in his bedroom and my DS2 showed him porn. He said a year 6 boy had told him to go on the site. My sister caught them and phoned me at work to tell me. I believed it was a mistake as he was quick to answer quickfire questions that were thrown at him.

My sister has just sent me a message via FB as she was afraid of phoning me as she'd get upset. I'm still trying to digest what she told me. Basically she said that she and her DS1 had gone to see his other cousin (on partners side) she has a son, not sure how old he is and whilst he was in the bedroom my DS1 had kissed the cousin on the willy. My sisters ds1 is 9.
He had been caught doing this emotions ran high and when they came home they questioned him about it, turns out my ds2 had 'touched him' we don't know where, how, details . I don't know what to do, obviously he isn't coping .

We have an appointment at family therapy in August , we have been referred by my ds2 's school as his school work is suffering.

I don't know what to do.

PLEASE HELP US

veryworried2011 Mon 13-Jun-11 11:13:34

I know its only been 10 minutes but i don't know what to do. I have just phoned my sister but she's asleep. Do I go into school and speak to the head , she knows about the DS2 being abused. I'm not sure what she can do, I just don't want to sit here when I should be doing something

TheArmadillo Mon 13-Jun-11 12:51:20

You need proffessional help with this - its not somethhing you can tackle by yourself.

There are charities that help children or parents of children suffering from sexual abuse but a lot of them seem to be smaller charities that are local area specific - I appreciate you probably won't want to give your location away so you might want to see what you can google youself.

There is also a charity that gives advice to parents whose children are sexually abusing others called stop it now Confidential Helpline 0808 1000 900
www.stopitnow.org.uk

Have social services been involved and have you approached them for advice on this?

Has your ds2 been offered individual therapy?

GypsyMoth Mon 13-Jun-11 13:09:31

social services can help. they do 'keeping safe' work and can prob help in other ways

just foound outt after a long wait that my dd hasnt been involved in a voyeurism incident,tho her friend WAS. the girls have been left distraught for weeks whilst waiting,and we now have a wait for the trial,which dd will give evidence via video link

can the police help? victim support might know where to start.

veryworried2011 Mon 13-Jun-11 13:54:32

no SS are not involved, i'm a bit wary about inviting them into our lives to be honest. This stems from being taken into care when I was younger, I don't want my children going into care. I know this is unlikely to happen but I am way of them

My DS2 hasn't been offered individual counselling, we've only been offered family therapy.

DH is not up for this whatsoever as we have been warned if the children go into counselling the defence can ask for transcripts and possibly pick it apart, this obviously isn't something I want as I want my children to get help and open up to anyone if they are unable to do it with us. But I'm doing it now before the trail as he needs intervention now . He's suffering

veryworried2011 Mon 13-Jun-11 13:55:34

Thanks for the phone number and link smile

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