Housing Issue - Not sure what I want people to say!(9 Posts)
ooooh. This could be long-winded!
Ok. I split with my DH 3 yrs ago. We have a 5 yr old DS. After I left I managed to buy myself a house. I could never do it while I was still married because ex-H was in too much debt for us to get a mortgage.
I LOVE my house. It is small (Victorian terrace), but it is all mine and it suits me. I have lovingly furnished it, decorated it and made a comfy home for my DS.
Now I have kind of gone and ruined it all by getting pregnant. Oops.
I have been seeing DP for about 7 months. He has a 2yr old DS from a previous relationship. I want this baby and not having it is not an option.
However, I fear that my small 2-bed house is not going to be big enough to accommodate 3 children and 2 adults (even though my DS is with me for half the time and DP's DS will be with us 2 days a week max).
I don't want to sell my house. I am also not entirely sure I am ready for DP to move in (although, obviously, he will want to live with his new baby and I can't really argue with that!).
I am looking into having the loft converted. For now, I think we could manage it - just. My DS has a bunk bed and could share with DP's DS. The baby will be in with us for a while at least.
Am I living in a dream world, or am I going to have to face up to the fact that I will have to sell up and get somewhere bigger?
What can I do?
I wouldn't do anything yet - you've only known your DP for 7 months - are you sure you want to live with him 'just because you are pregnant' - would you have wanted to live with him anyway?
Where does your DP live now?
Don't rush into anything .
I don't think you have to sell. It's only for a few days a month you'll have both boys. The bigger problem will be dp moving in - people tend to come with lots of crap.
Loft conversion is a good idea anyway, as that can be a master bedroom with an ensuite, leavingg 2 good bedrooms for 3 children. It will add value when you come to sell anyway.
Not that I am a step parent, but I think it is important that although your DP child might not be staying with you all the time, they have a space that they feel is theirs and not a bunk shoehorned/imposed on your DS. Maybe they can help you redecorate your DS room, maybe give them your room, and you take DS?
I would not rush in to sell, but would be thinking about how you will accommodate your step DS.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Dont have him move in unless you're sure. And certainly not cos you're pregnant. 7 months isn't that long.
Nope - and no, I wouldn't be having him move in if I wasn't pregnant. In fact, I think the whole thing is a bit of a nightmare. I'm pleased about the baby, but actually am not ready to give up my independence. I like my own space.
How do I bring that up with him, though? He's going to want to be here with the baby. I wouldn't be happy if someone was standing in the way of me living with my own child. I don't really buy that it's different because he's the father not the mother.
As for him bringing a heap of stuff with him - it's not actually much of an issue. He only moved to this country when his first DS was born and lives in one room. He owns no furniture and doesn't have many belongings, so we should be ok on that front.
Rent your place out - then rent somewhere bigger together. That way your safety net is intact
I don't think you should 'let' him move in with you at all; yes, it is tough that he won't be with his child but why isn't he with his first child either? I may be over thinking this but if I was you I would maintain my independence at all costs - you have worked hard for it. Tell your DP that he can of course spend time with the baby but you are not yet ready for a permanent relationship with him.
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