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Being a surrogate for a friend

(3 Posts)
joshandjamie Thu 09-Jun-11 15:02:21


I've posted this here because I don't know which other category to put it in. A friend of mine has tried for years to conceive and failed. They have managed to get pregnant (by IVF) but she miscarried a couple of times.

I don't know if they would consider going down the surrogacy route but I've been thinking about it recently - that it's something I could do for them. I've had two children (relatively easy pregnancies and births) and don't want more of my own.

I would only consider doing it if it involved her egg/his sperm, not my egg. In my head I feel as though I would then be emotionally able to hand over their baby without feeling any massive sense of loss. But I wonder if I am being naieve. Would hormones screw up your head and make you believe that the baby was yours? It's easy to imagine not now, but I don't have pregnancy hormones raging through me.

Besides 9 months of discomfort and having to go through childbirth (which lets face it, isn't a barrell of laughs), what are the other real hazards/downfalls to this plan? I don't want to make the offer unless I am absolutely certain it's something I should do. My husband is happy with me offering to do it, so that's not an issue.

Has anyone done it? I know the chances of conception are much lower and I worry that they could spend the money on the treatment and end up with nothing. Could that cause any sense of blame? Could it strain the relationship?

I'd really appreciate any advice on this subject.

lalabaloo Fri 17-Jun-11 23:02:29

Aww I don't have any experience with surrogacy but you sound like such a lovely friend, i'd imagine it could put strain on the friendship if you felt attached to the baby or if it cost them a lot and it wasn't successful. I think it's lovely that you are thinking of them though, and I would suggest it to them and if they were interested perhaps arrange to see someone for some discussion of what it would entail, potential problems etc and see how it goes from there

kreecherlivesupstairs Sun 19-Jun-11 07:00:33

You are a good friend to consider that.
When was having MC after MC, my sister offered to be a surrogate. She already has eight so she's quite used to pregnancy and childbirth.
DH and I considered it and decided not to go a head.
Has your friend raised the subject with you? Would she consider a surrogate that wasn't you.
I think it would put an enormous strain on your friendship TBH.

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