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Advice, please, on how to behave beautifully in this sticky situation!

(15 Posts)
LaLoose Mon 23-May-11 10:49:15


Brief bit of background. I worked directly for a woman - let's call her X - for seven and a half years. She was directly responsible for me being made redundant while six months pregnant with my twins (she wrote me an appalling appraisal which allowed the company to make me redundant). I found her a deeply unpleasant person to work for, and she behaved very badly towards me previous to this. So let's just say we had/have a mutual loathing.

I haven't seen her since (this was two and a half years ago). Well, actually I did see her in the street - and she saw me - but we both pretended we hadn't noticed the other.

Anyway, I now work in a related field and I have to go to a work 'do' on 2 June. I know she will be there as well. The prospect of this meeting is disturbing my sleep. I am afraid I have been making up HILARIOUS put-downs and insults, but in fact I don't want to do that. I want to be able to look back at the meeting knowing I behaved beautifully.

So, Mumsnet jury, what shall I do/say when she approaches me? It doesn't help that X is very look-ist, and I'm two dress sizes larger than I was, which is making me feel self-conscious anyway.

Any advice would be VERY gratefully received!

WowOoo Mon 23-May-11 10:57:50

Don't say anything to her.

If she approaches her just use very short and sweet responses.
Don't worry about your weight - you've had twins and am sure are a very proud Mum.

LaLoose Mon 23-May-11 11:28:25

Thanks WowOoo (great name by the way). I REALLY appreciate it. And of course you're right. I am really afraid that I will be stroppy, which would be silly. I will repeat your advice like a mantra. Thank you.

willow42 Mon 23-May-11 11:32:54

Remember that she is the one who has behaved badly, not you. So, she is the one who has amends to make.

If she can't do this, or even tries to make things worse (by insulting your weight or dress sense for instance), then just look at her as you might a young child who has just disgraced themselves.

Earthymama Mon 23-May-11 12:01:10

Say, 'goodness, that was very rude, did you really mean to say that?' in the tone of voice one would use to a small, badly behaved child.

Echoes Willow smile

LaLoose Mon 23-May-11 12:43:57

Oooooo, those are very good. Thank you willow and Earthy! I have already practised saying that... now I almost hope she does insult me so I can use it!

LaLoose Mon 23-May-11 20:16:59

bump? now the evening crowd are here...

thebestisyettocome Mon 23-May-11 20:21:16

As my mother always says "If in doubt say now't" grin

LaLoose Mon 23-May-11 20:21:31

Thank you besty x

plantsitter Mon 23-May-11 20:25:15

Shoulders back, lippy on and cultivate your best slightly amused superior air. If you have 2 year old twins you must be used to dealing with more difficult situations than this!

purplepidjin Mon 23-May-11 20:42:56

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

purplepidjin Mon 23-May-11 20:45:38

Or just ignore her. Not as in avoiding her, as in actively ignoring anything she says. Deliberately turn your back on her whenever you can. If you're in a conversation and someone notices, apologise and explain that you don't feel able to be polite to her and, as you can't predict how she'll behave and you're not prepared to be two-faced you would prefer to avoid a potential confrontation therefore slagging her off without being an actual bitch

bigTillyMint Mon 23-May-11 20:47:51

I bet you will spend the whole evening avoiding speaking to each other.

I often had this nightmare playing for a year or two after leaving a very unpleasant and totally useless boss. I have encountered her several times, but we have always managed to avoid speaking to each other.

LaLoose Tue 24-May-11 09:06:34

Thanks all. Apologies for the silence last night... I had a VERY early night. I am very grateful and will re-read this over the next week to bolster myself up. And I'll report back after the dreaded 2 June.

HMTheQueen Fri 03-Jun-11 15:29:48

Well?? Update??

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